Roman B

Roman B Sep 2018

Jade

Jade that dazzled, Jade that shined
Your fire, your heart and passion
Smooth softness of your skin envelopes me
But your fly away, again and again
You come back and I hold you tighter each time
In my midnight wonders, I ask
Where do you fly next?
Essential oils bring me back to you
Smelling sweet of roses and oranges

Again you fly
I find you in my phone
My head
My heart
More present than my own consciousness
Mortality fading, as you are a constant of lifetimes of love
Love that erupts from my eyes and mouth
I take you in my arms to keep you near
But my phone falls to my feet

Two days and I cry and cry about what we lost. I am alone and must find a way to thrive. Nothing grows in darkness.

#alone #again #pain #so #much

Roman B Sep 2018

Us

Your winter eyes take me
An embrace around my mind
Warming and slowly melting
My soul dripping into your lap
In-between your thighs
Only getting warmer

We are splashing around in the ocean of our hearts
The rising waves gently moving us around the world
We have taken the leap and flown in the sky
With the horizon serenading us further

You are my harmony and a rose in my room
A wild woman of the desert and my morning tea
Your breath is my inhale and your touch my sensation
Our connection, a brilliance of life

So long ago I wrote this and it means the world to me. It was us. I never want to forget us.

#together #traveling #love #missing #it

Roman B Sep 2018

Red

My heart poured from my hands into the paper
Held loosely with bindings
With a hollow chest, my brain works overtime to compensate
I recounted memories and details
My favorite and the pure
What I know I will always remember
There isn't a night with the moon that takes me away into these moments
I signed my name at the end as finality of everything
There is so much time left to get through
For now I'll keep what I wrote
In my red journal

I wrote it to send in the mail but I can't rip it out yet.

#red #journal #moments #ending

Roman B Sep 2018

Fading

I asked to dive back into the breach
As if it might help me find something I lost or was always missing
I didn't expect so much pain
The wound is already healing but the pain is pulsing fiery pain through my veins
I have a calm focus to myself now
The pain is dulling my mind from the world
No one can see me drag myself back down
Into my depths
I don't bother to look if anyone sees

It's very dark
But I recognize it as if I returned to an old home
Comforting
The shadow of loneliness that has been following me
Crawled it's way under my skin
My favorite jacket returning to me
Holding me close
My eyes are open but nothing is seen
It's only me
Standing
Fading into the background of memory and sound

I've been here before

#tea #writing #alone

Roman B Sep 2018

Awake For Laundry

It's fat
All black and likes it's tummy scratched
This **** cat will not leave
Back to my back full of pain
I want sleep to carry me away
Sleep has it's own agenda
Taking the hours of my life out with the cool Fall air
Giving me hours of painless moments
I wish the laundry would be done now
I wish this cat would leave me alone
I have a mind that runs and runs
STOP

Laundry is keeping me awake right now and all I want right now is sleep. When I sleep I don't feel so much.

#sad #cats #tired #sleep #cranrasberry #juice

Roman B Sep 2018

Fear Of Myself

Soul blank and empty
A fresh canvas
Shining flecks of love
But stored in the dark

I can't paint over it
The creation held becomes still
Fixed in place and just a fragment of dream

I wish to stay in my glass castle in the void
My dream to live
The perfect blackness unknown and bare
Naked
Exposed as it's formless husk

They will never know who I am
My canvas is drawn into the dark
I can't keep it from leaving

Another dive into my event horizon
Another time **** you

We aren't finished perfecting you

One last time you dog
Into that breach one last time

I am currently very lost in my life and can't seem to stick to one thing to focus on for a career. I am 22 and feel like I am wasting time, every day slips past me faster and faster. My canvas is myself, I am unsure what to paint on it. I don't want to be known and understood as it simplifies what I am as a human and a person. I don't use social media as it places me inside a box and the box is not big enough. I took acid a long time ago and it totally rewired my brain. Opening me up to so much of the world I had closed out, and now I think I have to take it again to reach that point where I can wire my brain into a more clear picture. It is a dangerous proposition and I do not take this idea scenario lightly, this could change a lot in my life and I am not sure I am ready for what it could do to me. I must meditate on what I have going on in my brain. Loving thoughts to you all.
-A lost young man

#lost #findingmyself #fearsruleme #sad #lonely

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