You make me nervous in the best way
I'm crazy about you
But I know I'm not supposed to say

We could be best friends
Stay up all night to talk about everything
From string theory to your first ever heartbreak

And it's not romantic in a traditional sense
But there are a million things I want you to know about me
And stories I want to hear you tell

We could take a walk around our home towns through memories
And baggage we try to block out

I could let you in as if it doesn't terrify me
That someone could see all the broken parts
Faded bruises and history

Maybe I could be fragile and you'd still be kind
But it doesn't matter because we never really put our hearts on the line

It's just a small break from reality
A simple little victory

She's probably beautiful
Soft and kind in the way I want to be
She remembers all the details
All your shared history

Its real from the paperwork on the coffee table
to the arguments on the worst days
The tiny things you forget to say

Even when it's difficult she makes it look easy
A world away from who I tend to be

Maybe it's simple to love her
No sharp edges
And second guessing

Maybe she doesn't flinch when you touch her
Or get swallowed up by anxiety

Maybe it's all exactly how it's supposed to be

Is love ping pong text conversations
fizzling out with a ghost

Swiping right on generic holiday photos
of someone who you'll know for a Friday night
forgotten by the long drive home

Waiting on a response
that'll never come lost somewhere in the postal system
and politics of blue tick marks

What happened to wondering what we'd done right to have met on the central line
as if for once the universe had aligned
under stars and city lights

What happened to being so smitten it hurt
on the back streets walking home
when it felt like you'd never let go

Your voice on the other side of the line
at three am because you realised I was the one
and I just had to know

I'll never be 21 with anyone else

There will be no other voice on the other end of the phone after that time I got fired
or holding me close after I tanked that exam about the history of the European Union

No one else will be the first person I fell in love with
or the first to let me down

We had our highs
and more than lows than I can count
but it was something spectacular for the years we had

I still think of you every October and the day we first met
How much things have changed

How you're one thing I don't regret

It would hurt if I adored you any more than I do
because this is another page out of the same book

A bad habit of mine
A way to pass the time

But it's true that I'm crazy about you

Sometimes it feels like coming home
the way we talk
as if all hope isn't totally lost

You could never want me as much as I want you
and that's alright

This is just a trust exercise
an attempt at love
by someone far too traumatised

Listening to love songs feels okay these days
No wistful wondering what went wrong
No hangover from waiting to move on

Long gone are the broken memories
of first kisses and that very last fight
Rings on the kitchen table, boxes by the door, suitcases and all

Dust gathers on the photo albums
The love notes faded and folded away
but the words still remain
Etched into jewellery with all the dates

Somehow it feels ok
Learning to let go
Learning to live in a whole new headspace