the best often die by their own hand
just to get away,
and those left behind
can never quite understand
why anybody
would ever want to
get away
from
them

I want to ruin you
the way you ruined me
and you know I can
and you know I could
and you know I won't
and you know I didn't

I want to ruin you
because you ruined me
you took away my happiness
my reason to smile
you took away my soul
like the angel of death

you ruined my love
because I gave it all to you
and now I hate love
as much as I hate you
I don't trust love
just like I don't trust you

you ruined my heart
you broke it into pieces
and stepped on every piece
crushing every hope
I ever had
to be whole again

you ruined my life
by stepping into it
and then leaving
and then running back
only to walk away
slower

you ruined me
conquering my mind, body & soul
so much that
your happiness and sadness
became mine
but my inside went numb

you ruined me
worse than
he ruined you

I want to ruin you
but I don't have it
in me
to be as selfish
as heartless
as you

It's sad that you must go away
I wish there was a way for you to stay
The tears proceed to roll down my face at night
My heart terribly hurts..
I shouldn't have expected it to work..
But every time I thought of you my heart was filled with fright.. the thought of you leaving me would keep me up at night.
Maybe it wasn't always going to be you and I, or maybe we just weren't right.
However, every occurrence in life is inevitable...
So maybe I should just let us go.

I was diagnosed with a Major Depressive Disorder.
Funny..
Who could of known I've always felt empty and alone.
Many sleepless nights
Filled with nightmares and fright
Nothing I do makes me happy anymore
I feel it sometimes, when I spend some time outside
But then its like a dark shadow, reaching above me..
Ready to tower over and hurt me.
My heart races throughout the day
Wishing that I didn't have to stay
So I can lay in bed and think
And let my thoughts sink
Mother calls me lazy
If not often crazy
My mood changes from left and right
Maybe she is right.
Who knows how long this will go
I don't know?
I feel cold and alone
Weak at my bones
Doesn't make sense, I don't make sense
Writing this just made me upset
I don't know if this whole poem makes sense
I mean .. what is there to expect?
Everything is just a mess.
What did I miss? . .
What even is this.

I think
as artists
we owe a lot to pain.

Put on
a robe of thorns
and write

about the nice weather outside
and that delicious burger
you had today.

Write about happiness
when you're in pain-
beauty.