I drink to remember
I drink to forget
The hurt in my heart
The fog in my head

My soul has been sold
Without permission or warning
I want to reclaim it
I’m all excuses and mourning

The alcohol in my veins
Keeps me in this sad, pathetic state
Needing to clear my mind, start afresh
Above all, let go of all of the hate

An early Spring ray of sun
Reaches my office floor
I wish it could reach my heart & soul
I beg of it, I implore

My darkness now feels like home
A comfort so wrong, yet right
Maybe this fate is what I deserve
I’m ****** to an eternal night

Maybe I grasped the wrong notion
A site meant for poetry in motion
Random musings are easy to find
One sentence isn’t a poem in my mind!

Not all poems have to rhyme
But some of your writings are a crime
A felony against art and words that wield power
These low effort attempts, hundreds each hour

I bet Sylvia Plath turns in her grave
At these pathetic bids some of you gave
Where is the rhapsody, where is the verse?
Your words should be in the back of a hearse

Where is the structure or composition?
Posting your crap was a poor decision
You might hate my words, though they are true
In my opinion, you have some work to do!

Listening to the rain at night
Trying to fall asleep
Far to many thoughts in my head
Mostly dark & deep.

The wind is howling, like a wolf
Searching for her pack
Frustration builds, my skylight rattles
I roll over onto my back

La Luna shines from behind the clouds
That race across the skies
I pop the tablets in my mouth
And whisper my goodbyes

Just watching Netflix
Or staying in bed
Guilt rising inside me
Sad thoughts in my head

I can’t seem to focus
Or motivate myself again
Missing who I once was
I’m going insane

The dishes pile up
So much ironing to be done
Instead I order uber eats
Coz that’s way more fun

The house needs cleaning
The beds need making too
But I wallow in self pity
The day I met you I still rue

Maybe I need therapy
Someone get inside my head
Tell me where I’m going wrong
My zest for life is dead

All I know is this must end
I need to know my fate
Am I dying soon my Lord
Or do I have to wait?

How do I put my life back together!
When it’s so empty, in disrepair
How can I start to feel whole again?
How can I find someone to care?

The alcohol courses through my veins
Keeping me in a zombie like state
Weaning myself off is difficult though
When my angry heart is so full of hate

Not just hate but hurt and loss
So many negative thoughts
The pain I carry is weighing me down
Every day I feel out of sorts

I’m a prisoner in my marriage
A captive in my own home
The isolation is literally killing me
So my lonely heart does roam

The internet has become my friend
Fetlife not giving me what I seek
I want to start feeling whole again
Find my hot geek not a freak!

I want to find my penguin
My one true mate for life
I want to have the fairytale
Without all the other strife

I thought I’d found my penguin
I would have given him my all
A commitment I was ready for
I wasn’t ready for the fall

He thought he’d found his penguin
He saw me in a perfect light
He adored my mind and my soul
But for me it didn’t feel right

He thought he’d found his penguin
He wanted to protect and care
But for me the spark didn’t ignite
So just friends but never a pair

Why can’t I find my penguin
I wish our hearts would collide
And live in perfect harmony
Together until the day I died

Trying to fill the void
In some really bad places
Trying to feel whole
With all the wrong faces

It’s making me feel more empty
Men only want me for ***
I just want to find Prince Charming
Instead of douches like my Ex

Why am I such an attention *****?
Needing men for validation
I want a true love story
Instead of constant damnation

How do you get your energy back
When you’ve been ****** dry?
How do you get your lightness back
When your life is the night sky?

Searching in dark places
Will never give me the light
I’ve sought for an eternity
No broken heart or soul in sight

Maybe I don’t deserve it
Because of the horrible things I’ve done
Guilt preventing me from finding peace
True love my way will never come.

Too sad to smile
Too happy to cry
Too old to live
Too young to die

Someone to hold onto
Someone to call our own
Someone who’ll be there for us
Strong arms to call our home

Someone with whom to share our life
Someone to allay our fears
Someone to support our goals
To grow old with through the years

Someone who shares our values
Someone who laughs at our jokes
Someone who forsakes all others
And doesn’t make our love a hoax

Someone who shares our interests
Someone who challenges our mind as-well
Someone who loves our company
And doesn’t make our life hell.

What should I do to help me sleep?
Carry on counting those blasted sheep?
I count them in a field but just get frustrated.
On my much evaded sleep, I am fixated
I’ve tried counting the ewes jumping fences
My brain is still alert and so are all my senses.

The reason I fail to fall into a much needed slumber
Is a deep rooted fear, my problems encumber.
The Narc fills my head and my heart, though I try
To forget what I feel, move on and not cry
It’s hard, I won’t lie, I must forget what I feel
It hurts me so much I honestly thought it was real

The love, the connection felt so true to me
His lies and his cheating proved that it couldn’t be.
I went back and gave him chance after chance
and all he’d did was lead me another merry little dance
The situation gave him power, he’s a narcissist you see
That’s why he’s moved just along the road from me

He enjoys causing turmoil and drama in peoples lives
Almost as much as he enjoys seducing other men’s wives!
I fell under his spell and walked straight into his lair
The were red flags galore but I wasn’t aware
Of the destruction he’d cause and the havoc he’d create
Heartache and pain, he wasn’t my fate.

I gave him two years of my beautiful life
Yet in the end all I reaped was trouble and strife
I love and adored him, I gave it my all
Then I found out about all the others, how could he be so cruel?
I gave him my soul,  the love of my life, my universe
Luckily I escaped alive, it could’ve been in a hearse!!

You are the only one who made me feel whole,
I gave you my heart, my body, my soul.
All of your promises turned out to be lies,
I’d been gazing into the devils eyes.

I write this with an open heart,
Even though I have no where to start.
My pain & heartbreak know no bounds,
A body so weary & a head that pounds.

I’m drowning my sorrows every single night,
Barely managing to function by saying “I’m alright”.
I was the one that ended our affair,
You told me you loved me yet don’t seem to care.

I’m lost & I’m broken without you here,
Yet every day with you I lived in fear.
I hoped by day 57 I’d be feeling better,
Instead of crying in bed drafting a suicide letter.

“Lee, I love you; I hate you” in the same breath,
I feel like an addict and you are my ****.
I don’t actually know how to move on,
How do I get over this entire love con?

The start of the healing process is in closure, don’t you find?
Not getting that is messing with my mind.
The overthinking & obsessing each and every day,
I need to know what you really felt in each & every way.

I wish I had an “off” button,
Or at the turn of a key,
Something as simple as flicking a switch,
And immediately forget you Lee.

Caught up in the fairytale
Captivated by the dream
I didn’t notice the warning signs
Or hear my subconscious scream

You manipulated & coerced me
Into falling in love with you
I honestly believed we were soulmates
Even when you couldn’t be true

One other woman is all it should’ve taken
For me to walk out your door
Several affairs over two years
And I finally said “no more”

A typical narcissist you are dating again
Finding solace in new supply & old
I know deep inside you’re as miserable as hell
And your heart is heavy and cold

I’ve made it to day 55 of silence
I haven’t attempted to pick up the phone
Of course I miss “us” whatever we were
But I know I’m better off alone.

You poisoned both my body and mind
You have actually broken my heart
Grieving for a person who is still alive
Is definitely the hardest part.

I looked in the mirror
What did I see?
A sad, lonely ghost girl
Staring back at me.

Such solemn eyes
And a haunted expression
This girls heart is broken
Is everyone’s impression.

No one really knows
The pain lurking beneath
What will come next?
A grave with a wreath?

She loved a cruel man
With all of her heart
But after his cheating & lies
She decided to depart

Hoping to be free
Of the drama and pain
His toxic love
Was such a drain

She set about healing
by writing a blog
Her daughter was suffering
So she bought her a dog

The problem is complex
She’s finding it hard to cope
For she’s in love with a Narcissist
and is struggling to abandon hope

Like his others before her
After - and during too
They all think they’ll change him
If only that were true

Ghost girl you need to realise
He’s a fake, it’s a mask that he does wear
Ghost girl please don’t idealise
He’s hurt you but doesn’t care

He will carry on playing his cruel game
Please don’t be a victim anymore
Dry those pretty, dark brown eyes
And find the girl you were before.

So much hurt & so much pain
Too much confusion, I'm going insane.
So many questions & instead of answers, just lies
Because you’re a Narcissist I’ve had to say my goodbyes.

I loved you so much, to within an inch of my life
I felt a stab in my back and it was you holding the knife.
I was patient and loving, I gave you my soul
Being together as a family, that was my goal.

Unfortunately you lied and took other women to bed
While still promising me the world, you messed with my head!
You toyed with my heart and played me for a fool
I’ve never had anyone treat me that cruel.

It’ll be five weeks tomorrow since I sent my final text
Every single day since then I’ve wondered who’ll be next.
I guess you are working on finding a new supply
Such a typical narcissist, you will lovebomb until you die.

I can’t carrying on holding onto any hope
Of you coming back to me so we can elope
I miss spending time with you & running my fingers over your skin
Whenever I was near you the feeling I got within.

Memories will live with me forever, I will never forget
Falling in love with you though is something I’ll always regret.
You were not a real person, it was all just an act
You are a pathological liar & a narcissist, that Lee, is a fact.