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Matt Earl Apr 2017
My beautiful suicide
Written in the stars
Tired of hiding bruises
Unhealed septic scars
Tranquillity is calling
At last I’ll be at peace
Solution finalised
Time for breath to cease
Remember all my yesterday’s
Laughter plus the tears
Running for my destiny
For more than fifty years
Matt Earl Apr 2017
Falling down the Rabbit hole, where monsters become real
Red pill, Blue pill, any pill to make me feel real

Deeper, darker I fall into depressions pit
No respite, just pools of blood from the wrists I’ve slit

Desperation, no elation as I pray for some release
Situation critical as I struggle to find peace

With death comes freedom and no more pain
My passing proves the monster has been slain
Matt Earl Apr 2017
Your emotional insecurity is none of my concern
An unrequited love on life’s funeral pyre does burn
A thousands dreams over a hundred days led to our demise
Restrained and so constricted an epitaph to your lies
A once bright sun has died and turned a blackest black
The remnants of my sanity has begun to crack
Silent screams echo in the recesses of your mind
Fragments of remembering’s of a love you left behind
The banality of my existence on show for all to see
Destiny sings it’s hallowed song I ache to be set free
Matt Earl Apr 2017
In this sorrow filled existence
Mocked by memories that bind
I'll pray for some forgiveness
From loved ones left behind
In the supposed safety of deepest sleep
The monsters come to play
Invisible tears and a silent weep
As I fail to run away
On my thoughts they feast
My bones begin to crack
Life becomes extinguished
As I fade to black.
Matt Earl Apr 2017
Stagnating pools of indecision
Blight my every day
Silhouettes of phantoms
Never go away
Romantic heroes upon white steeds
Always out of reach
Primordial demons surround me
On my thoughts they leech
Sanity lies at the horizons edge
Warped by broken dreams
In this dark nirvana
Nothing’s what it seems
Matt Earl Apr 2017
Maybe Tomorrow

False hopes of a generation, tell-tale signs of a broken nation.
Tower blocks decayed and grey, different types of vermin hide away
In the shadows, in the cracks
No one around in case of attacks
Monoliths of misery reach for the sky, where poverty lives and the forgotten they die
Hooded teenagers like outlaws of old count out the money from the powdered death that they sold
Scarred burnt out vehicles, faded police tape a constant reminder of ****** and ****
Violence is hidden behind every door, bruised ***** faces the badge of the poor
No food on the table, no shoes on their feet, for love and affection they have to compete
Girls on street corners sell love at a price and for one fleeting moment life feels so nice
Time rages on and bodies grow old, nothing to show for the dreams that were sold
Men with no prospects sit and decay, on broken sofas they watch the TV.
Where people and programmes have nothing to say
Old soldiers sit and dream of before
Storming French beaches and fighting a war
Remembering old friends who forfeited their lives, for this now septic country where misery thrives
No police presence in this modern Gomorrah, things will surely get better I’m not sure just when but maybe tomorrow.
Matt Earl Apr 2017
Reflect my imperfection
Cracks in my soul revealed
Devoid of all direction
The past is never healed

Living in a vacuum
Crying without tears
My fracture mind becomes a tomb
Imprisoned for all my years

Escape my tortured reality
Absolve the sins of you
Yearning for a time I’m free
I know what I need to do

Slowly fall asleep
All my pain is gone
Memories are yours to keep
I’ve no strength left to run
Matt Earl Apr 2017
Did you know mother?
Did fear not show in my eyes?
Did you turn a blind eye?
Did you see the tears I cried?
Your love for him outweighed your heart
The maternal thoughts rebuked
His stinking breath, his gravel voice
Remember how I puked
You abandoned me without concern
Left in dark distress
I blame myself every day for my life, this rancid mess.
Did you understand mother, in the fullness of time
Maybe you share some guilt for his innocence robbing crime.

© Matthew Earl
Matt Earl Apr 2017
My suffocated emotions
My numb and tortured soul
Constricted by the ties that bind
They keep you in control
The journeys end has faded
Disappeared from view
I'm nothing now
Obsolete
All because of you
Matt Earl Apr 2017
Paul

My brother killed himself
Gassed sat in a car
I ran to try and get to him
But it was oh so far
He died alone and angry
I never knew why
It still hurts to this day
It still can make me cry
He could have spoken to me
He could have said it all
All he did was connect a pipe
And give me one last call
Brother I am dying and I am not scared
Did he not understand that everybody cared
I held his coffin up high
And walked with tear filled eyes
I’m sorry that I failed you Paul
I never heard your cries
Years have passed but the pain is strong
Memories come flooding back
Like a long forgotten song.
written after the suicide of my brother, his last call was to me
Matt Earl Apr 2017
Your son is dead they said
I remember little more
Until waking naked, freezing, foetal on the kitchen floor
No tear's came no primal scream
A living nightmare a waking dream
Last breath taken at four years old
Eyes closed, lips blue his skin was icy cold
Years have passed I still feel pain from the worst day of my life
Even simple memories open wounds like the sharpest knife.
Matt Earl Apr 2017
https://fracturedpoetsmind.tumblr.com/
now on Tumblr
Matt Earl Apr 2017
Peel away my skin
Until you show just bone
Reveal what lays within
The essence of alone
Scars they never disappear
Bruises though they heal
Always I'm consumed by fear
My nightmares are so real
Drift into the unknown
As my final sleep begins
I've played the cards, the dice are thrown
Forgive me all my sins

— The End —