I'm a shoe in the mud
That's just what I'll be
I shouldn't care anymore
about anyone but myself

Sometimes, when I'm in the shower,
Ill recollect on how many lips I've kissed.
Staring at the tiles in front of me,
I'll let the steam and hot water pour over
and into me.

Calling ahead
Drowning in the Masonite
Floor boards
Spring board
Spring back
There's shallots on the back burner
Rip tides
Dead minds
The coyotes convene at two

There’s a picture of you that used to be on my mirror.
It always fell off of my mirror about once or twice a month.
You were once my second mother.
Yet, I question if this was a sign of a second chance.
A reminder to not be how you were.

Finger nail deep in dirt.
Dig.
Twisting my head too far,
in too many, too soon.
Until I find myself then,
twisting at the waist.
Allowing my knees to crumple.
Clutch them and cower.
Still walking this way.
Further into wet earth.
Connections clicking,
positives and negatives.
Maybe It's because i needed you.
Or,
I need you now.
Who am I,
to act so.
Do i even know you?
Or,
Is it that you need me more?

I'm feeling again.
****.
I don't like this.
It's all harder to love this time.
I like you a lot,
But,
I can't love you.
I refuse to say any words that begin with the letter L.
I gave up on trying to love a long time ago.
It's as if I made myself numb to it.
I think you're now filling a certain void or something.
Though,
I'm lost when I'm around you.
As warm as your company is;
It scares me.
I wish I couldn't feel anymore
That is;
How much your mind permiates mine.

Exploring the back of the woods never felt so good until you were gone.
Because there was so much more beauty further back where I couldn’t see.

i watched the sky fall down
i waited for the angels
they never came
instead, i was perverted by demons
and watched them play cards by my side

I found myself assaulted by depthless distance that plastered my eyeballs
White flames amongst turbid waters and brilliant threatening serpents surrounded me
One needs a sense of entitlement
This world has revealed seventy three shades of grey in an eight by ten room
We all fail sometimes

chased out of your body
numb
no quick way out
your stuck in yourself still
no
chase down the dream
yet in fumes of reveries
evade the real world
drown in yourself
no one else
cower from everyone else
pull away
and push them away
you saw it
then sawed it
full from yourself
escape yourself
null
don't breathe

I still remember that story you wrote.
The one with barren coal mine town.
You shared it with me beneath the summer sky after we watched the stars.
More than that, I remember how you left me,
like that abandoned coal mine town.
I tend to dumb what i know i have hold of.
So part of me always knew
I never really had you.

Inside the Masonite
The contour lines aren't dark enough
Left behind a stark remark
Start as a lark in the dark
And you're smart for standing there
Behind the mines
But on top of boxes
And piles of boxes
Cigarette buts on the curb, left behind from following the curb line
Down the road
Around the mounds and above the dips
Follow the curb line up
Don't fall into a drain
Because the drains will always lead you somewhere
But they always end
And they're never clean

It's not pitch black outside tonight
I can see everything,
but i can't see the stars

I smoked too much last night
I figured that's why my lungs ache in deep breaths
I'm smoking right now
Still slightly more than the norm
I can't seem to resist
The cravings persist
The moment is blight
So the act is alright

We laid naked in your bed as the night grew old
the sushi in our stomachs worn down by now
we talked a little
it seemed like a solution to fill the voids brought from silence
you didn't kiss me enough
i sat up to look at you and let moonlight dance across my chest
you laid in the shadow of the moon
and told me i was beautiful
i took my eyes off of your figure to let them glide over my pale curves and wild curls
a fleeting moment i took to grace myself
i glanced out your window
it stopped snowing mostly and i felt low
somehow, the static appearance of outside spoke louder than your room
you asked me distinct things
which i now know
were the answers to your very last test
one week later, this mess was at rest
the snow accumulated heavily the following days
just like it had that very night
only before we laid among your sheets
and like the words in my mind,
there was more
and i was torn