i don’t care if anyone likes me or not.
i don’t find myself caught up in the daily pleasures or indulgences that most of my peers boast about on social media.
although, my subconscious find ways to betray what my mind puts in play
this means that temptation is nothing until i’m caught
under a bridge
in the rain
trying to swim
my way out
of the storm
in my brain.

when my subconscious and conscious greet each other they say **** ME RIGHT?

today i yelled at my coworker for stacking the cups in an unorganized fashion.
**** ME RIGHT?

i’ve come to believe that the definition of love is very broad and complex and is hard to describe.
although, i know what love is when i see it. eyes are said to be a reflection of the soul and when two lovers are matched with their counterpart their eyes are stable and confident.

an undying trust that is fueled by a desire to be complete.

sometimes i wonder;
do my eyes shake because the taste of love is something i have not acquired. for my testimony of in doubt passion screams for another who shares the same eyes. eyes that can see my vision of peace. eyes that direct hatred from the soul.
eyes that don’t judge nor falter.
eyes that know pain.
sometimes when i look into your eyes i see my reflection, my vision, my love.

i smoke cigarettes to blacken my lungs so they can match my heart
cough up tar in my morning caffeine that excite the drugs that i impart
after i inhale green to forget that i’m alive
then i balance it with aderall so that my anxiety will thrive

im prepared for the fire because my house has been burned before
those glowing flames don’t seem to be so inviting anymore
like how drugs come with a fear of peaking
when i dip myself in acid then wonder if my brain is leaking

somehow i have fit my ambiguity with the thoughts i consider more real
death is inevitable but am i really living if i have emotions i cannot feel
although i know this is not a dream because the scars i’ve pick at don’t bleed as before
and the crow awaits me singing my death as so, nevermore nevermore

the wind was blowing from the southwest today. i was infuriated by mostly everything. my mind began feeling a distance from my body when i was a junior in high school. periods of instability.

estranged and unengaged

i distance myself from society so that i do not act on my sobriety. emotions come in variety. i **** on my anxiety

i’m all too interesting
although, unable to relate.
consider my personal state,
i’m not feeling too great.

i’m better off gone.
so far that i cannot connect
so far that i cannot find
my mind.
for in fact,
i am a wanderer,
adrenaline addict
drug fiend.

do not get my wrong when i say i am better off gone.

away and untamable.

drifting across the oklahoma wind,
just as violent and atrocious.

dripping in gold,
eye contact is fatal.
i think i am unable to relate,
amongst my interpersonal debate.
relax time,
contain my glow.
it’s warm in december,
the weather changes
   without snow.