I want to be left alone
                                                           ­     I don't want to feel alone
I want someone to hug me.
                                                             ­   I hate being touched.
I want to tell someone.
                                                        ­        People scare me.
I want to speak.
                                                          ­      I can't open up.
I want comfort.
                                                        ­        I push people away.
"I'll be fine."
                                                          ­      "No you won't."
"But I will."
                                                          ­      "What if something happens?"
"No, it'll be okay."
                                                          ­      "But now you're doubting yourself."
"NO."
                                                ­                "Oh come on. I'm a friend."
"You cause so many problems for us."
                                                            ­    "There's nothing you can do now."
"Don't do this."
                                                          ­      "It's too late, I've won."

You can't love a poet.
Even though, you feel flattered by my witty one liners,
And my charming stanzas, you can't love a poet.
I will write the good and the bad and you won't like it.
You won't like my version of the fight
And you'll like my metaphors even less.
It will drive you crazy and you will tell your friends,
"She's obsessed".
I can't help the memories that stick like glue, imprinted on my brain
And I can't stop feeling the words exchanged 3 Sunday's ago that you forgot as soon as they left your mouth.
I will relive and reread until the end of my days and inevitably you will leave,
because you can't love a poet.
You can't love someone who will publish your intimacy and print your passion.

I saw it in her eyes
She was going to leave
*But she didn’t know it yet

**** around
too many thoughts in my head
they need to breath
they need to be
i’ve turned my anxiety inside out
and broken through the wall.

substance user  
feeling abuser

i am the ghastly ideas that
pace under your bed at night
the man in the corner at a
short glance.
feel my pain because i have none left.
clear skies reflect white lies
i don’t want to change my brown eyes

is it weird that i can see our future?
we’re not together but baby i have a plan.
oh someday we’ll be ready for each other but not now,
we’re too very young to be in love.
it’s always been you
you  
and you again

i choose you every time.
are you aware that i still think about you?
the impression you left.
amazing.

do you plan out the things we’ll do as i do?
oh i think of you.

someday i’ll be ready.
we’ll float the seas
and save the bees.
only for you.

again
and
again.
i choose you.

my dismal attitude is still there,
although the downcast of my emotions
hit it's peak yesterday. today i am deranged and infuriated. not by the fact that i am alone, which is my preference, but at way the irking wind blew against my sleeve on my way to class this morning.

i despise the contented souls who have never fantasized about death and it's properties.

your appearance tells all,
your highs and downfalls
you blend in for the most part,
a conspicuous nature that tends to rub off on people.
that’s why you prefer to be alone 78% of the time.
you usually skip breakfast because your bed feels too nice to leave.
drowning in your unconscious,
time is your greatest enemy.
forever young, keep in mind.
never say no to a fun time.

be free
be free
i feel that i may see,
a better outlook to pull me from the trenches.
deep within we fear
only our minds
that we seek to be clear.