If Jesus was real
And living down the block
Could I still be saved from death?
Without that rootless burden of proof
To leverage against the clock.

Perhaps, sin would be worse
Don't you think
If I jacked off thinking of someone's spouse
Knowing He was merely yards away
Peeking between the blinds of His own house.

Would He be a hero
Or a pariah?
Sometimes I imagine a political messiah.

Would He be throwing trash cans
Through the windows at Starbucks?
Punching Nazis on YouTube?
Or flying the American flag
from the tailgate of his pickup truck?

No, I'm thinking something more along the lines
Of an old man at the pond
Feeding stale bread crumbs to starving ducks.

Pascal's wager would mean nothing anymore
Since I could look this man in His eyes
And ask Him "What's in store?"

"Please don't judge me by my actions
If you really have a say.
I'm not a bad person, I don't think, it's
Just more fun to disobey."

**

If Jesus was real
And I had a soul to spare,
I'd tell him to mind his ******* business
And cut his ******* hair.

I just sat on the ******* bathroom floor
For 15 minutes
Listening to my breath faintly wheeze
Through the last cilia in my lung

I felt my chest rise and fall
Shallow

I take notice of the cold-*** tile
And the ache in my back
How my right bicep is throbbing
From a dogbite last night
How my knees ache from years of fighting
And my head pounds like a church bell
From lack of drugs and nicotine

If happiness is the cessation of all desire
Then please Buddha convince me
That my desire to walk the **** out of here
Is more insane than sitting on the ******* floor
Doing nothing.

What a wonderful night in LA!
I haven't had this much fun with you
In so long.  Babe,
We needed this.  

"Let me try your pasta".
No.  It is too eh-spice.
"Pleeeeaase".
Ok, go ahead.  Try it.
"no, it's ok".

You know, you're so oppositional.
(Loving, gentle laughter)
I tell you it's too spicy for you
And you want it.
But if I say go ahead and try it
You don't want it anymore.

"*******.  Seriously *******".
That's a horrible thing to say
To your partner.

You see
A dog's behavior is a reflection on you, but
Also
Dogs will be dogs.
"I'm not sure who has agency here".
"Well, it's clearly your fault that our dogs are fighting".

Roxanne is bleeding rivulets, and
Jeff has a neat, surgical hole in her snow-white scalp.
Steve is tired of your ****, and
His knee-****** now has a desert chrome shine
From being scraped across the floor.

"Please, tell me what to do and I'll do it".
Shut up.  
With every eyeroll, every sigh
A length of 18-gauge wire
Sadistically pierces my heart.

This is the third night in a row I've cried myself to sleep.
Maybe tomorrow will be the day it all works out.

I know you hate it when I sleep
Because your anger is rarely more intense
Than when I shut my eyes
Comfortable on the couch
Wedged between the cushion and the back
Eyes heavy
Drooping
Trying desperately to stay awake for you.

I don't ever want to hear "I don't care"
Come from your mouth again.

My friend
My brother
Just got nicked by ICE

I'm going to stab
The next ****** I see in a MAGA hat

You know what?
It may not feel real to you, but
It does to me.  
Lies so often that it’s uprooted my own
Sense of sensibility.  

Gentle, loving touch
I feel it deep shivers down my back
The services you render
I haven’t seen
Since I ran Allroy off the track.

Peck rapidly with your thumbs
Although you can barely read.
But here I stay, I care
I can’t explain the need.