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All of these twisted nightmares
Attract various burning stares
Steering clear of the judgmental light
This mess is an unmistakable sight
Always looking for places to hide
So nobody sees this side
I can't hide forever.
A silent cry is the worst
Everything stays so far down
In the deepest parts of your heart
Threatening to spill over and out of your throat
In the form of a sob or uncontrollable scream
I'm scared that I love you
So much that it's too late
For either of us to turn back now
...
Will you stay?
I hate being this lonely and scared
At a time like this
Come.
Take me down to your level
But only, on one condition
Don't ever let me see how far I've fallen
Cuz even for you
I won't be able to take it T
Their whispers
seep through
the wall vents,
the crackle in the phone,
the inch space underneath their bedroom door.

They fake normalcy.

A pair of
spies
devising plans
to deal with
their children,
their belongings,
their money.

I silently holler
the flaw
in their plan.

Fake.

My siblings remain
oblivious, but
I wonder:

Maybe they were always
faking.
I'm so tempted to ask you
And see your reaction
What you will do
All I want is to cry
Always thinking silently
Wondering what it's like to die
I've had this urge to ask you
If I left this terrible place
What would you do?

Would you scream to the heavens so loud there was no sound
Constantly begging for the world to return what was rightfully yours
Would you fumble about, always searching when I'm no longer around
Visually tearing apart crowds and stopping to open all the doors


I won't ask you
For I fear the answer
Of what you might do
I still want to cry
It's not quite my time
So I tell a true lie
When you ask what's on my mind
That you're there with me
In my head, keeping me going
It's true when I say I'm happy
When my world starts slowing
You're always there
Even when you're not
As I begin to stare
Sorting through my thoughts
I won't leave this beautiful place
Instead, I'll always be here for you

I would miss the way your smile warmed my heart inside-out
Longing to be dangerously close to you every chance I am able
I would miss the times you would refuse to leave, never without
Having me at your side to keep both our worlds bright and stable


I now know what to do
but only for you
I'm so scared that it'll be for nothing
But then again
A moment with you
Is enough to last lifetimes
You retreat, but I advance
Looking for a sign, a mere glance
There's a presence consuming your reality
This I can clearly see
I could be succumbing to insanity
But I feel your energy leaving me

Perhaps, to you, I am nothing more
Than your way out, a simple door
The desperation intoxicating the air
Wondering if you honestly care
What would happen if I left this place?
Leaving only ashes to hide in a vase

I keep running, chasing you around
Am I not making enough sound?
Maybe if I scream, yell and shout
You'll see what this is that I'm on about
I've seen through your wavering shroud
Don't you dare stand so tall and proud

I can tell, don't mistake me for a fool
This shameless act is painfully cruel
There's futility cloaking the darkness
Believed to be only harmless
You draw back each and every time
As if I have committed such a terrible crime

Is this where you draw the line?
After all the times we whispered, "Mine."
I made a promise from the start
Deep down in the depths of my ravaged heart
I refuse to leave my world behind
If all is lost, it is you I'll find

Though I suppose it's to be expected
This brittle feeling of being rejected
Every bit of helpful advice
Praying this distance will soon suffice
I will be here, waiting for you
And maybe you'll do the same for me too

Please, don't leave me here
Take me with before you disappear
If you want otherwise, it's quite alright
I'll be here contemplating amidst the night
Never forget, don't let it slip by
I'll love you far past the very day that I die
"I refuse to leave my world behind
If all is lost, it is you I'll find"
The second I wrote those beautiful words,
I began choking back burning tears.
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