The year
1966.
Manson was on his spree
Hippies chilled the breeze.
Chicks dancing with rubies on hips.
Then came 1967
Hendrix wowed the crowd
Janis Joplins soul came out
Music splashed
Hallucinogenic heaven.
1968, patterns of clothing
Seemed to be from faraway.
It wasn't American to the main stream
Still wouldn't be today.
1969, Woodstock, the time
Of all togetherness, and weightless
Rockers heads filled with dust and buds.
Cities broke to riots
Gangbanging quiets over colors lust!
1970, met grandmammy
Touched the farmers scene.
Found the happy
In the sixties baby in me.
Today, now a mountain boy
On a machine that cuts down anything
In its way.
The farming hand
Making a living off of dirt and hay.
Spit and clay.

I'm a puzzle waiting to be solved. Complicated. That jumbles their minds. A puzzle with my broken pieces scattered all along the lanes and roads on the map of my dark dark life. They try to find my fragments and they fail. I'm built of shattered words of hope tripping on trails of self doubt.

And with strangled emotions ricocheting against the walls of my soul. The hollow echoes of those sweet lullabies that reverberates through my mind, making no definitions, leaving me empty.

And it's only numb pain rebounding within my veins. As they crack open my walls of security. All there eyes scruntinize me under their cruel disgusted gazes as I slump to ground and shiver, bleeding my wounds again and again.

I can't be who I am.

And after a million lost battles I surrender.

And accept its only darkness that defines me.

insinuate me
into your waking moments
like a pervasive mist
unveil my presence
like a long-kept secret
and hold me desperately
like i matter
nibble my ear lobe
and whisper to me
things no one else will
drift away with me
till dawn
and walk us through the avenues
of your mellow dreams
till all i can do
is pace the mad floor
like van gogh in relapse
or splash paint
like a surrealist brat
carry me on your person
like a gem
and elevate my image
like a crucifix
be thou my muse
when i create pieces of rare genius
for posterity to marvel at
above all
savour me
like i was made of honey
and follow this template of love
like your sanity depended on it

Heart is numb, you wish you were someone else
Soul wants to flutter but trapped in this body
You're here and claim that you will stay
So why do I feel like you will go away?

You tell me that you don't think you're beautiful
You're lying to yourself, believing the words that others have said
I want you here my love, I want you to stay
Please please please don't go away

Stretch marks, fat, ugly, ******, wreck
I try to quell the flames
Stupid, worthless, disaster, I hate myself
It won't end.... It won't end....

I dreamed that I woke up alone in sorrow
I showered and got dressed for a wake
I cried because I was alone on the bed where we used to lay
Because you have decided to go away.

People come here and they eat,
satiating their tongue
to me, it seems like a never ending repeat
of an eluding trance song

I do not complain
for every time he wipes me clean
soaking my tears, healing my pain
leaving behind some ornamental scars

There are others also, like me
of different shapes and size
in apparent harmony with no common goal
we just pick up the chatter and claim to be wise.

The lamps glow, in the dark a vibrant rainbow
for an evening, light up my mundane life
the soft wind, makes the chime cling
ostentatious beauty, made for some heart to zing.

Even when the breeze dries, be happy, eat and drink
to connect to your heart I will always be here
the lonely candle will again light up,
and you shall find your much needed cheer.