I need to stop wishing
We had that bond (again)
You are not capable of depth

You're ill

You will never  (just) be free of your rotten soul
You need to clean it
And it will take time

But perhaps we are just, different
This would be a shame
For I miss your sweet sweet voice
And
Laughter
I miss indulging you

Your sage advice

I knew I'd lose you just like
I've lost so many
But it never gets easier

To the friend of my friend
We've never met, you and I.
And now we never will.
I heard of you in passing, she adored you.
Oli this, Oli that.
You were so close and just as much a part of her as her liver, or her eyes.
Even to me, in her life, you were just a fact,
Like her hands, or her teeth.
Yet, I didn't know you!
So I think that I thought of you like that, in itself, is incredible.

I can only hope your passing was quick. For her it will be painful, and I cannot be there in the ways I would like.
Over nine years we've done nothing but grow apart, briefly passing in the night or In a hot summers day.
I hope she finds solace in the people around her. I hope they dry her tears when I cannot.

I hope if there is an afterlife, you are at peace.
You will be missed.

Sincerely
A friend of your friend.

There's a train station just down the road
if I could only put a foot
in front of
the other.

Time passes too quickly
allowing my body and it's will
to survive - holding me back against the bed.
I'm meant to be the pilot. Me.

My soul is now  only the means to an end,
and I'm too tired to object, heavy, hanging by strings.
If only I could break free for a moment...


There's a train station just down the road.

We were sat in a corridor
Two ciders beside you and
Empty space with me.

You looked me in the eye
In the midst of a conversation
I love you - said with a laugh

Without realising it
My eyes lit up.
I hate that.

You're teaching me the meaning
Of cheapening your words.

But you still ask what I think.
You ASK about my thoughts and views

not many people do that
So I forgive you.

I thought I was done with princes -
royalty and pompous nature
Once again I'm wrong.

You demanded that I leave you
The puzzle
Alone.

But why do you stay?
Why do you stay and ask?

You and I are alike, I'm sure
and if you want me to leave
show me the truth, show me I'm wrong.

Because if you are me
I think you're just scared of opening up
Scared of being hurt.
True, I may hurt you.

You have no rhyme or reason to trust me
All I can do is wait for a chance-
And ask that you let me in to try.

I was not made to be broken.

Despite everything I have fought tooth and nail to be here and I am scarred, bruised, limping and screaming fire.

I will not fall but I know I will, and it will be for love because I am a fool. I cannot love that which loves me - I get bored. anxious. wounded. I wish I could have stayed. So many times. So many times have I screamed for me to just be ok with what I have.

Yet I never was, so I burned it and ran before it burned me. My anxiety for possible destruction is what destroyed the life I had. Maybe I miss it sometimes but it was lacking, lacking for the submission and ambition I crave so desperately and yet can never achieve because of my nature.

I run towards more fire and I don't know if I can survive. I truly am weak to it. I need to fix myself and I am trying but I need help. Even if I did, I could never go back, even if I wanted to.

If this is your curse to me, combined with hers, then alright.

I deserve this.

and I will fall.

again.

How strange that a child of the spring
is akin to a prince of ice...

I don't feel much anymore
But when I do
It's often because of you

This is all humanity has.
Hope, because of ignorance

We never got to be teenagers together,
because by that time, I was gone.
I needed to be, or I would have been forever
but leaving you behind was painful.

You bullied me, but I held faith that it was just you being a kid.

But we never got to be teenagers,
doing the simple things like sitting next to eachother on the sofa
I wanted to be there after your first kiss, to gossip over boys.
I want to share a drink, a joint, a tattoo, with you.

I do miss everyday...

We never even got to be kids..

There's a spot next to you,
and I desperately want to be there.
I'm so tired, I've not been sleeping well.
The fridge hums gently, and the flats around us slowly awaken from drunken stupor - but you? You stay.

As always, I watch to keep away the demons. Even if just for a day, you deserve this rest more than I.

I sleep because I'm lonely.
I sleep, because I miss being held tightly, being protected.

Do you know how much I fight?
How my upbringing and my dominant personality makes people want to be in my arms, my chin resting on their head?

I am TIRED.
I can't fight for a partner as well. Not all the time.

I am tired.
I need to be held and to be weak.

Let a weak translucent soul rest with you.

I sleep to avoid my sadness and my failure.
That's all I am these days.

Your soul calls out to me, did Lethe make us forget? Who we were to each other?
Who are you?

It matters not, I reached you too late and our souls entwine, fingertips brush.. but I can never cross the ocean between us.

Despite all my words, all my 'wisdom' - my temper gets me into trouble.

I told you I wasn't good.
I told you that people would fail you, we both knew.
Yet you opened up because we asked and it was a crack, a slither of who you are.

But it was enough, it was enough.
I'm sorry I failed you. You should never trust anyone - but I wanted to be one of your exceptions.

You don't make it easy.

I'm not an easy person to be around.
I make that clear.
Still, they shrug it off going, I'm sure you're not that bad.
No, I am.

I have cheated, I am abrasive, argumentative, opinionated and spiky

But everyone likes me when I have some use
And that, at times, breaks me.

You said if you could have it your way,
you'd sleep in a coffin,
confined space is home for you.

Or is it because death could call at any moment,
and even at your final breath - being an inconvenience is unthinkable.

You said you fear for the one you love,
and how much her heart would break if you left.
You really care for her? "Yeah, yeah I really do."

I'd protect her with my life,
just so you'd keep smiling.

You said that you worry that you're a burden,
even when you light up the room with your soul,
Sunlight turns to moonlight with few - Melancholy Prince.

I'd smash your insecurities but I worry you'd become arrogant,
because with all the chips and flaws that you are so keen to notice...

I think you're beautiful.