Now the spirit raised
By a ******
or two.
Through hell
and back
But back
is where i choose.
A program of abstinence

Of ****** to ******
They know of this fire ice
thick and chunky.

The death
of one life
Birth of another.
Now i live
I give
No longer do i play,
But pray
For my brother
Who still desire
The fire.

a destructive force
that provides power
has resulted
in my darkest hour
The Sun has been hidden
And forbidden
from my eyes
through flaming hoops of despair
I must realize the son's eyes
worry for care.
sacrifice today
with tears of fear and pain
to enjoy a better tomorrow
       without sorrow
from the destructive games
the days will brighten
as the Sun clears the clouds
I will move the Sun
if my emotions are loud
one more day
allow me to stay
then plunge me into darkness
until I can bring the world
for
     which
            the sun
                       exists.

I saw the sun today.
it did not rise nor did it set,
it lingered
in the air
at first my thought was of despair
then it turned
turned
Turned
to you for whom I care
the lingering sun then made me smile because i knew
you
could enjoy it for a while.
so when you feel the sun
gently touch your skin
Know I'm smiling from within
this horrible place
dark and dank
still
smilin'
in my prison

Thoughts of a criminal father.
addict thief impoverished loss of riches gained.
wanting better for my only son
and only sin has brought us close
to our goal.
Thoughts move forward
putting criminality behind
while we are lowest in our life.
Overcoming these roaches and rats
no friends have come
and THEY have my son
I want my son.

go with what I know?
or take my time moving slow?
these are the thoughts of a
criminal father

Now I wonder how high the flame
when I think of those of Fame
how much better shooting ice
I draw it up and roll the dice
I register a fluffy vein
excitement excuses to pinch of pain
the flow is felt from pinch
to brain
and not just one
but every vein.
the burn in my body
is a foreshadowing event,
up in flames my will is spent.
I use to desire
"nice" and "higher"
now my soul wants ice
and it better be fire.
my life is gone
full of despair
only mama prays
or even cares
of course
she only prayed twice
since I died
from the
fire ice

The beauty and joy
In the eyes of a boy
Fresh flesh with a loss of rest
Needed from the journey of darkness to light
A long fight is still ahead, But
I'm here until I'm dead
Christopher
a guide in this world
Is all I am
To show you how to be a man
The world is cold and unfair
I'll give you a piece if kindly you'll share
Simplicity is key
To accepting life with dignity,
Integrity is yours to make
Choose wisely as it is also your fate.
Forever with you in your being
Even when nothing is what you're seeing
I'll give you whatever your heart desires.
For love is an all consuming passion of fire.
Today you cry and I console.
Tomorrow I'll die, and watch over your soul
Christopher

Failure
I have failed again
I try to move forward and
Failure
NOthing lasts for me
Momentum begins to build
Failure
NOthing wants to stick
my thoughts are muddled and thick
failure
A burning desire to express myself
Something must be said and written
Failure
It won't manifest itself
I can't shape the thought
Here it comes
I see it beginning to form into something substantial.
F A I L U R E

Her body was bound to a bed,
Lying naked and a shell of her former self
Arising from my lower self
I only want to help
Send her to a heavenly life
With silence, a knife.
A hole in her side
for me to put my piece inside
Arousal from her applause
A sick and twisted mind of laws
her screams of agony and pain
Until in her mind, only I remain
Her ankles were bound with rope
And a crimson river flows from a wound I created.
I created.
I am artist
Regardless of society

What is a man who has his will stripped away?
Manipulated by the wiles of the essence form,
Rushed with flesh and breast to be denied
An onslaught of fleshly desire
overwhelming the senses
Consequence of the life sentence
Shame
Anger begins to boil with trouble brewing stew
Regret garnishing the platter of one's just dessert
Now the man is punished
inside and out
For his will being stripped
But alas I ask again.
What is a man who has his will stripped away?

The lines have become blurred
between lawlessness and legal
Shot in mid-air, the American Eagle
the symbol of our freedom dismantled
Big Brother can't handle
the fury of Liberty within the mind
of the time
of those that rise
Neighborhoods are war zones
each house a prison, overhead are drones
So Uncle Sam can listen.
We give up our rights
for our house and lights
Forgetting those who fight the good fight.
Patiently we wait
at the government gate
with a rumbling stomach and an empty plate.
Our words are weapons
that are kept in line
with threats of a fine or prison time
Road blocks or baracades, they're both the same
So government control
can remain.
Shooting an American seems routine
and daily life,
a twisted dream.
War is on our doorstep, just outside
from Big Brother there is
nowhere to hide.

How does a man express his dreams?
hopes and aspirations ripping at the seams.
Today we hope for tomorrow
for today is a time we borrow
the words I hear are violently violating
but they are just words
Words lack meaning so I've learned
and with time a promise is a lie
situations and circumstances dictate our lives
and control is as futile as scrating at hives
But we move forward in hopes of following through
and dreaming that tomorrow's forcast is bright and blue
Some of our moments send us into a depression
and we begin with the mental depredation
Raking ourselves over the coals
for being human and banking on our goals
Our goals move us forward and it's where I place my stock
but then I fail, and lie, and i hear a silent mock
from the sidelines of how I failed
but when I thought it, I saw how it sailed
high in the sky and success was a certainty
but failed I did, miserably.
Failure after failure I try to move on
only to stumble and wish today was gone.
Why can't life come with instructions?
Being born into this destruction.
It seems intuitive that someone would know
What this is for and where do we go.
I have a son almost here
and now it's for him I fear.
He is coming into a world of love and being poor
and odd combination and a spirit sore
I am losing my resolve
too many problems to solve
and the end is almost here
and the beginning of life is near
I must stand up and accept this fate
of poverty, and poverty I hate.

Soft and ivory
Her skin excited me
Her eyes aglow with light and life
Unknowingly seducing a beast
Thoughts not caring in the least
a feast of Passion and of flesh
my mind refusing to rest
My  heart is racing
My  feet are chasing
Under the lamp posts
I'm getting close
She has been caught
and is all I want.
Her eyes are filled with fear
whispering sweet ending in her ear
as her lips grasp for air
one last moment we share
struggle
power
force
silence

The world has shined it's happiness upon my soul!
The light glistening off sweat in the mid-summer heat.
Beauty embodied in the emotional waves of pleasure.
you sacrifice for me
your body bleeds passion
as I whisper in your ears.
The love we make
Has yet to forsake
Extended through the years.
Tears of joy fall rapidly from my face
As it seems, I have won the rat race.
Not with money and riches
But with love and physical fixes
the sun appears high and bright
Day in and day out goodnight

The world seems dreary and dark
The light of a gentle spark
A new life to lead against the past
A forever shadow over me has been cast
Through the tunnel maze of life
A Muse of light appears
One of no direction
Yet a fulfilling perfection
My soul burns anew
My temperature as though I have a flu
The morrow brings forth a breath
Like no other of any depth
Passion flaming within my being
unto this Muse for which I'm seeing.
A lifetime of material
inspiration of the surreal

We are Americans, confident and condescending, never pretending. Pretentious with a fictitious flare. Apologize? Cauterize our past
We will always be and forever last.
Past the hatred that spewed from our bowles. ******* and ***** disliked but grow. A show of force divorce from the norm.  
A new norm. A storm from the top to dismember the bottom. Mathematic and Systematic relief of liberty. Care from elite, delete, delete.
Depopulated with information. Education dedication a lie.
Down the rabbit hole of darker days. We stay,
Unblinded by the pictures they wave.
A flag.
The towers.
the showers of bullets
turrets from afar.
A star.
This is America
We are Americans.

I see the pain that crosses your face.
The shame that follows, out of place.
Deep inside you try to hide.
Escaping the pleasure of pride.
I try to confide,
inside is an illusion.
A Reality that has been forced.
Coerced
You are worthy and worth more
Let me remove your pain
Your tears are all that remain.
Let them fall upon my shoulder
I hear the sobs, as I hold her.
Christina, dear
I love you without any fear
Tear by tear
sear your wounds
Let him die in your minds tomb.
The past has passed.
our future is coming fast.
With tiny legs and arms
helpless in a world that harms.
simple
Christopher needs you
as I do.
For always.

I wish you wanted me
as bad as I want you
I live on faith alone.
The drone of the fan by the night stand
is all that is voiced in the air.
your skin so fair
outlined by your hair
a face of fear and despair.
I wish to comfort you
but comfort me too.
I want to see the love I believe.
the one that has created a seed conceived.
I feel outcasted. love lasted
on faith alone.
I know the truth but renew my faith.
chase me and need me.
want me and tease me.
I want to be wanted
like I want to want.
must I continue to live love unrequited?
or shall the heavens open up
spread its light and show me what I know.
to know tomorrow will come is contentment
I want flame and passion
asking is my ego
and together we go
side by side
me slightly behind
alone
I do not ask for much
just renew my faith
give a little chase.
want me.

Right and wrong
remaining relative
I work for a better tomorrow
My views differ
from that of others
Making me always wrong
Given this life
Given no light
Through the tunnel we're sent
No instruction or hint
Finding one's self in poverty
wishing for property
for freedom comes
with ownership
Having just self
is impoverishment
And to think
just a drink
Will make myself disappear
With fear I move forward
for a better tomorrow!

Prison**
Prison, creates the deepest thoughts
Money, love, and respect  
You gain new aspects. Poverty, hate and power
Remain strong, never cower. Life is given,
Then must be taken.
This is the beginning,  
Don’t get shaken.
This life is free
And given to all The life takes everything
First of all.
The goal of living
Is to accept this life.
And to do what’s needed,
Reap all as it has been seeded.
To get the life
None will offer help, To live the life?
**** the troubles, struggles, and strife
The life is not free
By any means
But this life is done  
Scene by scene People often mistake this life
For a life The difference is pain
Shame and life.

Conceited

I have the body of a god  
I must confess
And if I dress,
I dress to impress.

Charismatic
and liberal with the charm
Looking for a woman  
to be on my arm

I'm a perfectionist
   I'm perfect you see
I assure you none  
equal to me

I talk to the mirror,
vanity is great
I'm the one people love  
and love to hate

I've  been through life
and never defeated
That's just a few reasons
why I'm conceited.

Trust that I'll be your dreamcatcher
Put your life in the handsof a master
Forever in your dreams at night
Remind you everything is alright
Laying down, eyes shut to the world
Drifting on a cloud to a girl
Her eyes soft as they rest  on mine
Lost in this forever moment of time.
The universe pushing us together
we seem light as feathers
Holding tight so not to fall
Then the inevitable call
One day my eyes will clear
And release me from fear
So open your mind
Find the time
and let me be your Dreamcatcher.

Waking this morning I see the sun raise the grass
I play with the idea of how to watch time pass
A sale in a yard to **** a little bit
Then do something legal
   and hit a little bit.
See my mother and her smiling face
or write about the horrors of the human race
What ever I decide will be a choice to enjoy
and toy with the boy
that seems so confined.
refined to a point of ilussionary lies
that have murdered my insides.
but Happiness are the clouds in my sky
and pride since I'm so fly.
touching the heavens with a goal of goodness
I'm rejected from my hoodness
But today will be what I make it
Maybe I could get a girl to fake it
But goals push forward against my being
And it's Mother's Day
So you know Who I'm seeing.

There's a man with no face
amongst an empire of apes
that spill blood like fine wine
made of concord grapes
I carry the worlds weight
with enemies pursuein
but the king of the jungle
won't stop til I'm ruined
Now you can call this my sedition with semantics
or satanics toward the nation
but let me advocate this adverse scope.
And holla at my brothers who's down
and salvage hope.
we neglect our abilities
to comence to be
masters of our destiny
we choose to stay tantalllized by the streets
get lock up stay wishin we was free.
Ballisitics takin' away all our family
these anomalies
got us lookin stupid
forgetting we're not aboriginies
of this land oh man
we can never bow to the man
Choosin to bang
instead of abstain
from this
belligerant babble
the system rattles your cage
with rage
we anhiliate
assimilate
the emotions it produces
abstract thinkin causeing back lash
abysmal thoughts of how to get that fast cash
when cats dash past
we take everything
even all their back stash
but we tend to abnegate
the zenith
to which we are
entitled
archaic ways are the axiom  
so we need to absorb this alchemy
and abandom them
alliviate
this absentmindedness
and abtruse forces as our accomplices
There's a man with no face
amongst an empire of apes
that spill blood like fine wine
made of concord grapes
I carry the worlds weight
with enemies pursuein
but the king of the jungle
won't stop til I'm ruined

Wht dos it mean
whn th trth apprs bfor u
an u wnt smthng tht doesn't wnt t b kpt.
Doesn't wnt t b hlpd.
Hope is falur b 4 falur.
U laff frm spite
wnt 2 fght
bt nv is ur lght
so to u dear
nd ur jkes
gd nght

The apology that should be forth coming is shortend by truth.
When the world you know explodes before you,
and there is no fault but the insecurities of another,
There will be no apology.
I've seen the world through the eyes of those who believe as I
and seen it in reverse.
Here I sit with my fate to be determined
by the hands of morality.
When I do what I've always done.  
Yet I sense the blame on me and have no defense.
Since I know I wouldn't believe you if you were in my shoes,
What is wrong when it's determined outside of yourself.
And how can a man ever be right.

There are so many words that I could use
But it does not matter which I choose
None could explain that feeling I received
That once more had made me believe
Your love is strong and oh so true
With that in mind I'm never blue
But as time passes oh so slow
I think to myself where'd you go.
Then my I remember your in my heart
Because of that we're never apart.

I wish my world was in sync with what I am and what I want
but its not nor will it ever be.
To be loved is to be wanted, needed, accepted.
Trust is a no brainer too for those that are true,
too many nights I lie awake wondering what I can do
But the day comes as sleep takes my mind
and in the morning light I find
a woman that wants to be mine.
Forced by the forces of the world to remain the same
I look deep into the back of my mind and once again find
a love that is there but refuses to cross the line.
why can't I have everything I want?
Others do and are content with what they have
because they have what they want.
I wish I was a simple man that wanted simple things
But I'm as simple as a deafening silence.
Oxymoronic with a demonic emotion that remains selfish
yet selfless in all I do.
May my ego be taken from me someday
and on that I shall lay
upon my grave.
My ego is all I am that keeps me moving
and daily it is attacked without regard
I had a belief that I was great at something.
But then I *** to find out
I'm not even great to be looked at.
Here is my ego on display for the world
and here is a man broke and broken.

Jealousy is a strange demon.
I go through my girlfriends pics and I find exactly what anyone would expect to find.
Memories.
How can I ever be jealous of a memory?
I mean she had a life before me
I wish she didn't.
It would be nice if everything disappeared.
He's specter that won't go away.
She holds him in my minds eye
closer than she wants
but further than I believe.
There is nothing I can do.
I can't mention it to her because its irrational
and built on jealousy;
which has no place in what her and I are building.
The days ahead are going to be harder
than the ones that have past.
Joy may be the outcome
or devastating sorrow.
As for me on this night of sleeplessness.
I post to Facebook
looking for solace in words.
I love her,
she loves me
Our future together is bright.
She is driven and intelligent.
How he let her go
I will never know,
but the fact remains
that I am here
and he is not.

The cell is quiet once again
The world has rained it's sadness upon my chest.
Time for him
in this condemed
nation is almost over.
It's bitter sweet fruit I reluctantly swallow
As it's forced down my soul.
A reminder this day
the forces display
their power
And remind me how insignificant I am.
Alone I dwell in the house of the blind,
connected to one by proximity
And the rest by thought.
Let not my pain strange the joy
Of time moving and exhibiting its change.
For my brother's time
And mine
Is almost finished.