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Parker Vance Feb 2021
There are holes in my brain          and I shovel words to bury
                                       that emptiness

I look for laughter                                          that's not my own

I search my hometown graveyard
                     the spaces of your affection

I'm flipping through the oldest books
                     ******* in the autumn air;

I cannot find the thing                                                  I lost

There are holes in my brain but I kept you,
                                       Heart,

                    perhaps a different way of craving
                                     wholeness
Parker Vance Feb 2021
I chore by woozy by smoking everything in sight
I chore by medicating and letting the sides affect me
crying at roadkill by owning taking up space not taking care

I burden by poetry by reading you poetry
talking too fast remembering too little
by walking alone     unsafe

I chore by panicking at white trucks and appetite suppressants I didn’t ask for
crying (always) at eight years at five years at 24 months
at the always that keeps shrinking away from me

Now I chore astoundingly
by decluttering by choring myself cleaning and painting and feeling alive alive alive!

Though touching is not a burden to you. Groping is not a burden.
No-chore kissing and hands on my ***
whenever and too much to be frank
give me my boundaries my no's

But you should know
I am not a burden a task to complete dead weight snag hitch knot Loving
me is not a chore.

I wrote in a poem once that you didn't understand about a no one that you saw as yourself.
I felt your beating heart then and knew you now it's true
I can't touch you but it's no matter.
Vic Dec 2019
>
S  S
P            T
O                    U
O                    C
L             K
N  I
A poem every day.
05-11-19
Vic Oct 2019
War    -    New York
War    -    New York

After the war,
I went back to New York.

Studies, Law.
Practice Law.

                                                           ­           B
                                                    ­      M
                                                I
       ­                                 L
Alexander Hamilton began to       C                                

How to account for his rise to the   Top?
Man, the man is...
Non-Stop

Are you aware that we're making History.?          
(history has it's eyes on us)                                                

Why
N       ­                                    do                           ­                    N
O                                          ­ you                                             O
N                                      assume                                            N
-                                        you're                                             -
S           ­                                the                              ­                 S
T                                       smarte­st                                         T
O                   ­                        in                                       ­        O
P                                           the                                              P
                         ­              room? (where it happened)

Why do you write like you're running out of time?
Write day and night like you're running out of time?
Ev'ry day you fight, like you're running out of time.

Non-stop

I practiced law,                                          
                  ­               I practically
                                      perfected it

I
was
chosen
for
the
C o n s t i t u t i o n a l   c o n v e n t i o n


Alexander?                                                   ­                                       
                         ­                                                            Aaron burr, sir.
It's the middle of the night.                                                           ­     
                                                           ­                        Can we confer, sir?
Is this a legal matter?                                                          ­                
                                                ­                    Yes, and it's important to me.
What do you need?                                                            ­                
                                                      Burr, you're a better lawyer than me.
Okay.              

Burr, we studied and we fought and we killed
For the notion of a nation we now get to build
For once in your life, take a stand with pride
I don't understand how you stand to the side

w a i t   f o r   i t

Sailing > London.
Write
A n g e l i c a

The fact that you're alive is a miracle,
Just stay alive, that would be  e n o u g h.

25-5-29-51

How do you write like tomorrow won't arrive?
How do you write like you need it to survive?
How do you write ev'ry second you're alive?


Treasury                             or                                    State


I have to leave                              
                         Alexander...


Look around, Look around
H e l p l e s s
He will never be statisfied
That would be  e n o u g h
History has it's eyes on you

I AM NOT THROWING AWAY
MY SHOT






So what did I miss?
Have you read this?
Vic Oct 2019
C-c-c- c'mon
C-c-c- c'mon
Go
Go

I just want to survive

(It's from Japan...)                                                        ­                                      


Take                
The
             Bus
Or              
Walk
                    Instead

I feel my stomach filling up with
d r e a d

I wish I had the skill
To just be fine
And cool
And C h i l l


                                                            ­              I don't wanna be a HERO


I follow my own  r u l e s                                                                ­
Have my own  t o o l s                                                                ­

I just wanna survive


Dangerous.                                                      ­                                              
Navigate.         ­                Halls.


~Christine~
Christine
C h r i s t i n e


                         Micheal?



It's a sign up sheet for getting called
GAY


~[-=*^}
At least it's     ...progress

C'mon                                            
Mo­re than
                                                            ­         Survive
I was just tryna get to my lo-
Vic Oct 2019
Hey folks,                                                           ­                                   

                            ­                        Begging your pardon?


            Die                                      ­                      
                               You're all
                                gonna        

Die                                                          ­                        

    You're all gonna
                                                           ­                                     Die



                   ­    The whole being dead thing...                                              


You're
doomed
E n j o y the
sining
And if I hear your C e l l p h o n e
ringing

I'll                      ****                  yo­u              m y s e l f




The whole ~"Being dead"~ thing.

G                                               Brutal truth,                                                
I                                          Hitlist,             ­                                     
A                                     Christmas,                                        
N                                   Triscuits,                                      
T                               Statistics.                                
SNAKE                                                           ­                           



Every show I do like a TON of
c   o   k   e

Jesus, pass the
d   r   a   m   a   m   i   m   e


Bla                                                         ­                                                Bla
Bible
Jesus
M
A
G
I
*C




Seriously though, this is a (show?) about
DEATH


And on a certain date, the universe kills you.
That's the thing with life
No-one makes it out alive



God I hope you're ready for a
(Show?) about
Death.


                                                I do this ******* like eight times a week,
You're gonna be fine.                            



God I hope you're ready                                                            ­                  
for a (show?) about



                                                        ­                                           DEATH
Don't end yourself, Defend yourself
Vic Oct 2019
My Theodosia,


Love                                                                                       Life­

    doesn't                                                                   
         discriminate                                  

Between the
Sinners~
and the
~Saints


It        

                        takes

and it
  
                       takes

and it
  
                          takes

And we keep

loving                                                       ­                living

a n y w a y s



we


Laugh and we cry                                                           Rise and we fall

And
we
break

And we make our mistakes.

And If there's a reason I'm still alive, when everyone who loves me has died, then I'm willing to wait for it.


wait for it                                                           

wait for it

                                                            ­                    wait for it

Mom,
Dad,
Grandpa.

When they died, they left no instructions,
just a
legacy
to protect.

(What is a legacy?)

Hamilton's pace is relentless,
But some day he'll be tired.
And the only thing the world will hear,
Is a gunshot being fired.

...

wait..!

...
If I waited just a bit longer, I'd seen the world was wide enough, for both Hamilton and me.
Vic Oct 2019
~
'What if this bullet is my legacy?
If I throw away my shot, is this how you remember me?


The world is wide enough,
For our love to be.
Just you and me.


Rise up.
We can fight the world together.

Time's up.
At least I spent this forever with you.

Wise up.
You taught me what love was.

Eyes up.
As long as I can stare into your eyes, I will lock my eyes every time.


What if this love is the only thing left?

What
if
these
words
were
our
legacy?

What is a legacy?

Sometimes I catch a glimpse of the other side.
You let me make a difference.
We'll tell our story,
And we won't need to hide.

  
                 Un                                                             ­                                
              Deux                                                                       ­
         Trois                                               
Quatre                 
            Cinq      
              ­       Six
                                   Sept
                                                 Huit
  ­                                                              Ne­uf


I'll see you on the other side, Mon amour.
If you know, then you know.
We both know what we know.
Vic Oct 2019
Your eyes hold skies,
And there is no limit.
          You look back at me,                                                              ­              
And I know, I'm                                                           
 Helpless        

I want to drown in your voice,                      
When you tell me I'm yours

I'll fight every war in the world for you,                                                    
If you let me look into those

intelligent eyes                      

I'll write you a letter every day,
Because every day,
I get a little more
Helpless                                  
~
Then you walked in and my heart went BOOM.
Vic Oct 2019
I don't know how or why,

But who am I that I should get to              ~hold                        you?


All I've ever known is how to hold my own                                                  
But now I wanna hold you, too.                        


You hold me tight,

And there's                                                          ­                            
    s u n l i g h t                                        
All around me.

You make me forget how dark the world gets sometimes.

Promise me                                                               ­                                   


the                      w­ i n d                                      


Will never change on us

As long as we stay with eachother,                              

It
will      
always                
be                                    
like                                                  

this
I love you
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