Sometimes I always wonder when I will stop crying and how long I will be hurt and cry.

You are in the middle of a fight you should know the limit of tears and when to stop.

Whether you choose the limit or not
The past will not disappear
But leave it behind

If you always go with the flow of the river.
You may not control the river but you control your emotions.

Sometimes pain is just a process because of love.
The heart or what hurts because you have loved.

The limit is the length of your presence in your heart in loving how far you are and you stop or you will still have the opportunity to fall in love.

You always cry
How long will you cry
How long will the tears last

Tears are with you in life
But you won't cry forever
You will also find where you will be happy

You can not cry and just forget everything for now
But it still hurts if you only achieve happiness for a moment because
You will return to your old form and you will really cry.

I feel like I want to cry but my mind and heart don't want to anymore.
I want to cry but the tears have left me as if I can't feel anything anymore.

I can cry but it seems like I've dried up under the hot light as if there is an endless war deep inside the battle.

I will also cry at the right time and day
and when my thirsty feelings for missing you are watered.

In the midst of battle and sorrow
You can do nothing but fight
There is no other way but to fight
If there is no one else for you to fight with you
The fight continues even though it is difficult

There are tears behind the battles
There is also a tired heart that always hurts
Tears also have an end.

************
"𝕃𝕦𝕙𝕒"

Minsan palagi kong naiisip kung kailan ako hihinto sa pag iyak at hanggang kailan ako masasaktan at iiyak.

Nasa gitna ka ng laban alam mo dapat ang limitasyon ng luha at kailan hihinto.

Piliin mo man ang limitasyon o hindi
Hindi mawawala ang mga nakalipas
Pero iwanan mo na sa likod

Kung palagi ka nalang nakasabay sa agos ng ilog.
Hindi mo man kontrol ang ilog pero kontrol mo ang emotion mo.

Minsan ang mga pasakit ay proceso lamang dahil sa pagmamahal.
Ang puso o ang nasasaktan dahil nag mahal ka.

Ang limitasyon ay haba ng iyong presensya sa iyong puso sa pag mamahal kung hanggang saan ka lang at himinto ka na o magkakaroon ka pa ng pagkakataon na umibig.

Palagi ka nalang umiiyak
Hanggang kailan ka umiiyak
Hanggang saan ang mga luha

Kasama sa buhay ang mga luha
Pero hindi habang buhay imiiyak ka
Hahanapin mo rin kung saan ka magiging masaya

Pwede naman hindi umiyak at kalimutan nalang muna ang lahat
Pero masakit parin kung sandali mo lang makakamtan ang kaligayahan dahil
Babalik karin sa dating anyo at umiiyak ka talaga.

Parang gusto kong umiyak pero ayaw na ng isipan at puso ko.
Gusto kong umiyak pero iniwan nako ng mga luha para bang tigang na wala na kong maramdaman.

Kaya kong umiyak pero tila natuyo na sa ilalim ng nag iinit na liwanag na para bang walang katapusang digmaan salalim ng laban.

iiyak rin ako sa tamang oras at araw
at ng madiligan ang nauuhaw kong damdamin sa pangungulila sayo.

Sa gitna ng labanan at mga lungkot
Wala ka ng magagawa kundi lumaban
Wala ng ibang paraan kundi lumaban
Kung walang ibang tao para sayo para ipag laban ka
Patuloy parin ang laban kahit mahirap

May mga luha sa likod ng mga laban
May kapaguran rin ang puso na palaging nasasaktan
May katapusan rin ang mga luha.

How many days and nights will I wait to see you again, to be with you again.

How many more nights and days will I endure to be with you again?
Every hour and day that you are not by my side, my tears fall
As if I die every day

How long will I wait to be with you again?

How long will I yearn to be with you again?

When will I see your smiles again?

When will I see your eyes?

And kiss your lips?

How long will I wait to hear your voices again?

How long will I see the light of day again when I am with you?

If that day is you and I want to be with you?

When will I kiss your lips again?

I can hold your hands and hug you for a long time?

My daily wish and prayer is to be with your love.

Every night, I hope you are the one I am with.

You are the one I see, if someone else is with me,

You are the only one I want to be with, no one else.

Every hour and day is different. being with you is the time and day of tears in my eyes and the passing of my wounded heart along with the sorrows and sadness that have no rest from the pain I feel.

You are what I grew up with and have gotten used to
I can't wait to be with you anymore
I love you that's why I'm able to wait for you

How long will I wait
How long will I fight to be with you
As long as you are there for me
I will still be here waiting for you.


****************


“𝕄𝕒­𝕘𝕙𝕚𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕥𝕒𝕪 ℙ𝕒𝕣𝕒 𝕊𝕒𝕪𝕠”

Ilang araw at gabi ang aking hihintayin para makita ka muli, upang makasama kang muli.

ilang gabi at mga araw pa ako mag titiis para makasama kang muli
Bawat oras at araw na wala ka sa tabi ko ay patak ng mga luha ko
Na para bang araw araw namamatay ako

Hanggang kailan ako maghihintay na makasama ka ulit
Hanggang kailan ako mananabik na makasama ka ulit

Kailan ko masisilayan ulit ang iyong mga ngiti
Kailan ko masisilayan ang iyong mga mata
At mahagkan ang iyong mga labi

Hanggang kailan ako mag hihintay na marinig ulit ang iyong mga boses
Hanggang kailan ko makikita ulit ang liwanag ng araw na makasama ka
Kung Ang araw na yon ay ikaw at nais kang makasama

Kailan ko ulit mahahagkan ang iyong mga labi
Mahahawakan ang iyong mga kamay at mayayakap ka ng matagal

Ang hiling sa araw araw at dasal na makapiling ang pagibig mo
Araw gabi sana ikaw ang nakakasama

Ikaw ang nakikita, kung iba ang nakakasama
Ikaw lang ang nais kong makasama wala ng iba

Sa bawat oras at araw na iba ang iyong kapiling iyon ang oras at araw ng pagluha ng mga mata at pagpanaw ng puso kong nasusugatan kasama ng mga hinagpis at kalungkutan na walang pahinga sa sakit na nadarama.

Ikaw ang kinagisnan ko at nasanay na sayo
Hindi na ako makapag hintay na makasama ka
Mahal kita kaya nagagawa kong hintayin ka

Hanggang kailan ako mag hihintay
Hanggang saan ako lalaban para makasama ka
Hanggat nanjan ka para sakin
Narito parin ako parating mag hihintay para sayo.

Nostalgia for something that never was
And things that never will be again
Watermelons while sitting in cold tubs outside
Happy golden days beneath a window's warmth

Which one could have ever been real?
Were all those memories I created fake?
Am I the real version of myself?
Or just another way to cope with what I've done?

I learned
The basic art of healing from
The Medical School
The Health Centers

More during observership
Time with
The Carpenters
The Plumbers
The Electricians
The Bricklayer
The Cobblers
The Potters
The Singers
The Peace Keepers
The Ecosystem

People like them
Make us believe in solutions
Transcending any problem
They all fix
What needs to be
In alignment

~~~~


~for Isabel (‘30), Alexander (‘31), and Wendy (‘35)~


~~~~


In a place of perfect solitude,
No crowded synagogue within to hide,
No cantor to intercede on my behalf,
I spoke words of mine own creation
To my Creator
Who wisely empowers me
To judge myself, for knowing,
None harsher

We two,
Old travel companions,
Upon worn grayed, Adirondack thrones,
We overlooked
A natural prayer place,
Bay and breeze, white-clouded, sun-laced.
Only the full time inhabitants,
the animals,
Grayling butterflies to match and contrast,
Eavesdropping on our Greek dialogo,
In this holy place,
Palace of Perfect Solitude

Amiable did we chat,
I, of family, this and that

He,
wearied from recent travel,
To Syria and India,
Was glad for a day off,
For He had little to do,
But wait for twilight,
To then close the books

For us no formality, easy the going,
No prosecutor, no defender in residence,
For we exchanged these roles intermittently,
The incriminatory, the penance, all deeds displayed,
No adult games of winking eyes, and
Hidden heart, secret chambers,
Rabbinical or angelic intercession

He does so love his Bach,
Adagio on strings,
My soothing gift to him,
This music more than divine

He returned this courtesy

Warming sun to expose my chest,
Cooling genteel breeze offsetting,
sunset color palette spectacular,
The bay emptied of wayfaring skiffs and yachts.

A cooling beverage proffered,
But sighing, He said that he had yet to find
A beverage that could ever slake
his kind of thirst

For his eyes, tho shining, did not effervesce,
As when we shared this day in years past

Too much killing, this year,
It tires Me so to tabulate human excess,
Spoke not a word, for my critique would
Comfort him less,
if at all

Thanks for Kol Nidre, He plainted,
So I too can disavow,
The best intended oaths I took and take,
For each year, I fail more than the year before.

If only I could sit with each,
As I do with you,
Where what needs saying,
Is said, understood,
Undisguised as praying

A schooner to the dock did appear,
For Him it attended, for Him, it waited,
Sails, wind whipped,
Sails, both black and white.


He stood to depart, my arms-he-grasped,
Me-taken, he-graphing,
Measuring my fortitude, the strength,
of my divine spark

I do so love this day in your company.
I shall sit with you again one year on,
Bach sweet, when next we meet, please

Soft spoke, as almost I should not hear,
Your time is nigh, no thing I create is forever.
He spoke with such sadness,
For well I knew, the intent, his meaning.

He,
for-himself, saddened, for he loved
Sitting beside me in this manner,
Since my inception, never a deception

Only He resting easy,
when He atoned before me,
And I gave him His absolution conditional,
As he gave me,
mine