this life is filled with hurt
and happiness doesnt work
i cant get enough
take me by my hand i'll show you what it is
i like it rough
id rather feel pain than nothing at all

i can't fake it
pain is my only feeling
i'm numb to everythin but pain
pain is everythin to me
pain is what i love
pain is what i've become...

*(c.m.h)

she promised me never to do it again
she promised to try stay happy

but it wasn't that easy
i took her weapon she found a new one

and before i got to take a second breath
her towels stained red again...

*(c.m.h)

there's an ache within me
that will never go away
no matter how many pills
how many tears
how many cuts

the feeling if regret is there
in the pit of my stomach
it hurts to continue living
how much longer will this be

they all think I'm recovered
but I'm far from it

I would say my wrists bled
garnet
scarlet
like something
imperial and pure

But all I saw was dirt
and poppy stained tissues
and razor blades all over the floor

this house is toxic
but I can't keep away
it tears me down
only to build me back up
and repeat the process

it's filled with memories
of my past life
and it only hurts to be here
suicide attempts
and lost friendships
fill every room

how do I escape this house

we're told from a young age
that we should tell an adult
if we're being abused
but what if you've pushed
it so far back into your mind
that you can't remember who
or what
or when
or how

i know it happened
i know it did
but what if the only way
i can talk about it
is online
with strangers
who don't know me
in a poem

abuse is scary
****** abuse haunts me
i need to get it out
it's been 12 years
but i can't move on