The whispering
such a dark black arrow
thoughts sinister
**** out of the marrow

if mother's death
came easily
and her last breathe
any but a last tease

It was a dark cowering cave
and I feel so deprived
and short breathe reprieves......

I can't feel a thing now,
no heart beat,
a dime for the kept slow
or a blue winter's wept

A winter's dice for my keep
no shocking of this crypt
Jesus had no clean feet........

Inadequacy
of my foes and fallen
their days weren't

A hate we sick of our defeat
and a FEAT OF  a lost fleet
and how we grimaced a fleece
to each of our day's grimaces

There's no winning and losing
of the random nature of dices
and the human pawns as chess
no longer are such we blessed.


There's a time I was so dark,
and black were all of the spaces
and silence of kids in the park
the red line I ate and divided
Its easy for a creator created
but you weren't ever me.
Try to justify with ****** knuckles
but you assaulted all of my decrees
What's left but the dollars of a pittance?
You wish for me , ashes are scattering
and none are ever remembered........

I’ve heard it takes a lifetime to live a minute
and it takes a minute to live a lifetime.
You don’t know what you’re in until you’re in it,
and you don’t see the sun until the sunshine.
So I’ll resign to waiting in line,
wasting my time, and losing my mind.

I know when I’ve been beat,
so don’t be surprised if I retreat.
I’d rather face the music then face the heat,
rather ******* tears as they’re sweet;
as sweet as sweet defeat.

It takes only a second to start a war,
and then naturally all hell breaks loose.
Do you know which side you’re fighting for?
Did you even get to choose?
So I’ll resign to the front line,
biding my time searching for a land mine.

I know when I’ve been beat
so don’t be shocked if I move my feet
to find cover from the fire on the street.
At long last the circle is complete
and it’s as sweet as sweet defeat.

“I’ll get you and your little dog too”
it’s all I’m hearing, and it’s ringing true,
along with “what’s a poor boy to do?”
“You have a choice: red or blue”
do you dare turn reality askew?
Or take your chances and wait for lieu?

I know when I’ve been beat,
so don’t be worried if I take a seat.
I can’t win the battle and I won’t cheat,
I’ll be lamb to slaughter; made to meat
and I’ll taste as sweet as sweet defeat.

Here I lay, alone at night,
Anxiety high, fear takes flight.
Perhaps I’m broken, beyond repair,
Alone with feelings I cannot share.
You’re at home, wrapped in peace,
While I’m trapped where my thoughts won’t cease.
Am I enough? Why not me?
Am I unworthy of love, truly?
What’s so wrong that I can’t let go,
Around in circles my mind will go.

Here I sit, alone once more,
TV humming, light faint and poor.
Maybe tonight I’ll drown it out,
But doubt creeps in, circling about.
Hour after hour, the ache won’t wane,
Devoured by this endless pain.
I’m not enough, I’m overweight,
I’m stupid, worthless, it’s all my fate.
Alone—I was made for this solitude,
Yet I didn’t have to be, if it weren’t for you.
While you sleep soundly, your heart at ease,
I’m here fighting the storm I can’t appease.
You’ll text in the morning, as if nothing’s wrong,
“How was your sleep?” as the night feels so long.

“I can’t yet,” you say, “It’s not the right time.”
“I love you, you’re mine,” yet doubt still climbs.
These words you speak, they circle my brain,
Leading me deeper into this darkened terrain.
When I’ll emerge, I cannot say,
The weight of your love leads me astray.

I love you, too, but I’m left to wonder—
Do you truly love me, or am I just under
The spell of your words, the hope I create,
When all I feel is this lingering ache?
If you did, wouldn’t you be here now?
Wouldn’t you find a way, somehow?
I know you have obligations, I get it—I do,
But doesn’t love find a way to push through?
You say she needs you—fine, I can see,
But why must it always be her, never me?

You say you don’t love her, so make it clear,
If that’s the truth, then why aren’t you near?
“It’s not finances, not her, not you,”
Then my mind concludes—it’s just me, isn’t it true?
So tell me now, set me free,
From this deep dark spiral of uncertainty.

Overwhelming thoughts and feelings,
Spiraling down a deep, dark hole.
I can’t breathe—I just keep reeling,
Haunted by the places I’ve lost control.

Every step feels like a mistake,
A path of ruin I can’t escape.
Friendships hollow, love a lie,
No one sees the pain I hide.
I cannot breathe, I cannot be—
What’s so deeply wrong with me?

For a moment, I’m fine, the storm recedes,
But the calm is fleeting, and chaos breeds.
The weight crashes down; I can’t bear the sound,
A tidal wave pulling me deeper to drown.
I know I’m broken, but why like this?
These sudden storms leave me breathless.

My heart is a horse on a racetrack,
Thundering, pounding, faster, faster.
No winner in this endless chase—
Just relentless thoughts, quickening pace.
“Are you okay?” they ask; I nod,
Hiding the battle, a perfect facade.
“It’s just a headache,” I quietly lie,
While inside, I fail and cry.

I try to focus, try to breathe,
But the darkness whispers, “You’ll never leave.”
Every effort feels destined to fail,
A silent scream in an endless gale.

i’m forcing myself to write this.
i hope it’s worth something…
…
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
for God’s sake,
someone shut the ******* dog up!

I'm fine"
The response,
a sconce.

People echo this to escape the outcry.
The cry they hold on to tightly behind that damaged brick wall
they use to stall.

Only the holder knows the deceive,
while people around them believe.

I'm not fine; I’m hanging by a thread, so thin,
With the weight of the world pressing down from within.
This fragile line frays, I can feel it unwind,
While tangled webs clutter the depths of my mind.

Empty yet twisted, so fragile, so tight,
In a space that feels hollow, with barely a light.

"Will I ever break free? Will I make it alive?"
These questions keep echoing, trapped in my mind.
Instead of a rise, I'm caught in a dive,
Descending a staircase, steep and unkind.
"Am I fine?"

Allow me to unravel the symphony in your mind, 
Pickpocket the treasures buried deep within it's mines.
Let me hear the whispers you veil in silence,
Entrust me with what another made you guard in defiance.

Let me to do to you, what you do to me
Let me be the spark igniting your mental chemistry
May your labyrinth twist with the force of my imagery,
Let the spells you've cast be your own
Let the torment you cause be shown
May the heavens return to you what you've done to me

Maybe we can—
but I can’t.
I can’t continue on this path,
I can't destroy myself for you.

I cherished my life,
gave everything I had,
but I know,
it’s not enough.
I understand,
but I can’t do this anymore.

I’ve had enough.
I want to live,
live my own life,
not in your shadows.
I can’t be who you want me to be.

I want to escape.
To breathe,
to be free from all of you.
I can't even breathe here

"Calm down; you’re overthinking it."
No, I’m not.
It’s not me
It’s you.
You’re the ones playing with my mind,
driving me mad.

I’m scared.
Terrified of living like this,
of living with you.
I beg you,
please,
let me go.

Let me go.
Let me go,
and let me live my life