I miss the smell of clean clothes.

All I smell these days
is burnt rubber,
how tragic and frayed
life is,

how it’s worn down
my senses,
like mold
doused in perfume.

In dreams I shake my mother
until her brain resets
into someone who never
swallows screams
of my father,
into someone
who stops
coating every room in Lysol.

Heaven forbid she admit to
smelling
my father's breath,
but lord knows she’ll pretend
his special water
won’t erupt the sink
from years
snaking the drain.

I’m the age of a mother,
but I need
to be mothered
like a child.

Cage, cage..
  Set me free..
    And let me fly..

My wings are tied;
   When am in cage..
My dreams are shattered;
   When my boundaries are confined..

Cage, cage..
  My world is vast..
Let me spread,
    my wings of sky;
   With bountiful sweet,
       mercy of life..

Cage, cage..
  My life is not cage..
Let me breathe;
  Let me fly,
     to this limitless sky 🌌
    
Cage cage
  My life is in turmoil..
Let my fire of quest;
          turn to an eternal soul.. 🫰

Sit with it, a moth ball grown with salty remarks, take a deep breath to compose yourself and nuture their sore ideas of you ,hoard open wounds to leverage over morality

Soaring these words,you engraved on my skin , soon to sail these waves of malignance that boil in me, consequence is nothing but the bittersweet aftertaste of dark chocolate for the excruciating torture i'll inflict onto you will bring an end to my cold sweats

these aren't inchoate feelings but spawns of postponed smiles. Now, how do i drive them into suicide

They love and lose,
    I have no
 love to choose.

They fall,
    and feel it all —

I
 fall,
      and
        don’t
          feel
        ­    at
              all.



They don't talk
     'cause they don't.
I don't talk
     'cause they won't —
        hear me...

          they won't
            see me.



They love me as a friend
    But
      I play pretend.

They blame it’s
   their fault —
        but I know it’s
          not —
              'cause it’s

me.
    I’m my own
        burdening.



Though I silently hope
    they'll carry
       all my weight.

I know it might hurt,
        but
                                      I just want a
              break —

Still, I’ll stay
      I’ll help you
         through the day.



They see

    a hero
         through their eyes,

but I made myself

      a villain
         deep inside.

Heroes
    don’t save
       their foes.

Plus —

    they don’t really know
         what’s hidden

                  below.

They ask,
How can I live?

And say,
They could not.

I laugh
and they laugh along.

Some days after,
They ask again,
How can I survive?

And say,
They wouldn't be able to.

I laugh again,
So they laugh along.

Now I ask myself,
How cursed am I?
& I let myself
Cry.

And when they ask again,
I just smile.