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EP Robles Oct 2018
TODAY is the day
I died after the clouds broke
their water and still-birthed
the evening.

I am standing outside
by the edge of a mysterious
forest and the wolves are
sniffing the air but cannot
find me.

I am a ghost.  And my house
is the tomb I was born within
but no longer contains me.

There is an empty space
within my heart's shape
that no artist can draw:
all words too broken
for any poet to express
my emotions.

I was birthed on the day
the beautiful angels were
sick and have now died
as God is sick and the world
a breath away from me.

::: 10-23-2018 ::
Life and transitions
Arke Oct 2018
I can see where the forked road leads:

one path smooth and easy
it never leads to happiness
but maybe I could fool myself
into thinking your heart never made me
feel anything at all and
if I squeeze my eyes shut
and wish very hard
while I count the songs
of origami swans
or the rings of tree branches
like a boreal ribcage around the path
I'll wonder if the trees were happier rooted

the other road is treacherous
my heart shatters and breaks
in a million new ways
crossing shaky bridges
with hundred foot drops
and I don't come out unscathed
because there's no way to perform
heart surgery on yourself
some weeks I'm so scared
I'll bleed out entirely
others, I'll spend growing alone
uncomfortably
finding strength in myself
wondering why I didn't pick
the smooth road--
though it was never
a difficult decision to begin with
Stephanie Oct 2018
There is a line
Dividing myself from myself
I am two tormented bodies
Merged intricately into one skin

Trouble is looming

They want out and I am trying to mediate The conflict
They are tired and insecure
They want themself to themselves

And I want it all

I can see the marks on my skin
The stretching and the pulling
And the tearing apart
It cracks and flakes
And I watch me lose my faith
Fragment by fragment

There is a line
It can be felt but not seen
It is hard and bold
And obscured by fantasy

There is a line
That awaits
The tug of acceptance
Once the collision
At long last
Materializes
Into
Something real
Arke Sep 2018
I kept giving away
tiny pieces of myself

until there was nothing left
Arke Sep 2018
every human being you love
is going to hurt you
every human being you love
is going to leave you

but sometimes, you will find a human
that will heal you, too

- written by Krista DelleFemine, 2018.
find her work here: https://hellopoetry.com/kdellefemine/
Arke Sep 2018
don't flatter yourself, love
you may have been the spark

but I'm the fire
Arke Sep 2018
I'm sick and my skin hurts, I said
you smiled at me, that coy side smile
and asked if my host was rejecting this body
... maybe it is.
thirty years is a long time to live in one shell
like a hermit crab, I've outgrown my home
this illness is my body's way of reminding me
that it's time to find something greater
move on, my skin whispers
... so I do.
I decide to become someone different
a new sleeve to hold my being
it's not as difficult as you might think
shapeshifting takes time and energy
but it can be a rewarding practice
soon I'll feel comfortable in my skin
once more
Arke Sep 2018
there is poetry and art and beauty
in a brief exchange of souls and scars
temporary friendships or
lovers who do not extend to infinity
just because it ends it does not mean
the experience is less valid or less real
I am grateful for every experience
the painful and sad moments, too
as they have all created me
as part of my becoming and existence
and they have taught me to appreciate
even more wholeheartedly
the joy others bring to my life
Arke Sep 2018
Dear self,

Be brave enough to break your own heart.

You spent thirty minutes talking to your mother last night. She wasn't great to you growing up, and I know that. I think back about how she teased you for wearing long sleeve shirts over summer when you cut yourself. I think about the time she told you to **** yourself. I think about how she tried to cut out people from your life and still, to this day, doesn't know about some of your closest friends because you needed to protect them from her.

Do you realize how loud your unhappiness needs to scream for her to hear it? This may be the first time, in thirty years, that she listened to it. She took it seriously. She told you to go. That it would be okay. And she validated the thing you have known in the pit of your stomach and the bottom of your heart for years.

Go.

You aren't a bad person for leaving a situation that doesn't work for you. Leaving someone you love doesn't mean you never deserve love again. You aren't disgusting. You aren't a monster. You aren't being stupid. You aren't making a mistake. You have always told others that they don't need a reason to leave. You have always shown everyone else a kindness you could never show yourself.

Leave.

Just because you have everything others want doesn't mean it's what you want, or what you need. Right now, at this moment, this isn't good for you, and that's okay. You love him. He loves you. It was beautiful, and it was good. And ending this will destroy both of you in ways you won't even imagine right now. And no one will fix these holes inside of you. It takes courage to realize you need to rebuild yourself. It takes courage to become.

It takes courage to break your own heart. But just like the physical scars you've given yourself, the emotional ones will heal, too. And you will be okay. This is your permission to do what is right for you.

Love,

Yourself
Things I need to hear
Arke Sep 2018
the light in my heart flickered and died
a punishment for hubris to gods I've defied
the stars refused to shine in the sky
I saw the earth beneath me liquefy

the water as still as a painting hung
I felt blood and salt coat my lungs
every day I floated lifeless through
from friends and family, I withdrew

no wind, no air, world is empty and black
I begged that forces would take my life back
I waited for the powers to strike me down
crush me, smite me, watch me drown

the worst fate of all is that I remained
and try as I might, you kept me chained
you cut me open to watch me bleed
ignored all of my wants and needs

without wind in my sail, unable to leave
that's when I met him - my reprieve
whose tongue was made of platinum and lace
whose heart was filled with beauty and grace

a golden god who lit my heart ablaze
who showed me tenderness always
for him, I realize I must become better
for him, I write every single letter

because now my heart beats for his touch alone
his light is the one I still feel in my bones
I remember his voice saying he loved me like mad
I'd give up forever for the moments we had
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