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E Aug 2019
Living was a constant battle
My thoughts told me I was worthless.
Stupid and unloved.
People’s actions left an impact on me
My emotions left neglected.
Unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Filled my days with ease
2015 was the worst year of my life. The first time I tried to commit suicide. 09-03-15. A date that used to haunt me, but I have now gotten over. It is something I remember now because this year, 09-03-19 it’s an important day for me. It’s the day of my third testosterone shot in hormone replacement therapy. If 2015 me would have known I’d make it this far, I’m sure I wouldn’t have given up so many times. Everything happens for a reason.
Noah Apr 2019
I've tried to tell you before,
I shouldn't have to say it again
I'm suffocating in the lies
Each one a knife
The blood spills down

My 'body' is a cage in which I tear
The bars replaced every time one falls down  
Each time I hear my 'name' I think I die a little bit more
inside
How much longer until I'm completely dead inside
I don't know if I'm even still alive
The blood mixes with the tears spilling out of me

I hide in my closet
It's dark in my closet
I can't see myself in my closet
No one can harm me here
But I'm still suffocating
Mia Sadoch Jul 2019
How can I explain such a thing as
The other “me” that exists within?
How am I supposed to explain
This forbidden feeling, deep in my chest?

I’m not straightforward, I’m really not.
I appear as such, but I really am
A curved road full of twists and turns.
That’s something I never could dare to admit.

I only feel safe among my friends.
I’m not all that surprised, but
How can I possibly say to them
That they’ve lived with someone who isn’t honest?

Honest with them, or with myself.
I'm starting to come out.
I'm... a woman. I think.
It feels right.
(I hope I'm using the right term... lol)
E Jul 2019
Identity plays a big role in my everyday life.
My identity allows me to be prideful.
My identity teaches me about relationships and the sincerity of people.
My identity is like a tutor. If I wasn’t the way I am, I would be very ignorant, and I still learn new things everyday.
My identity makes me feel uncomfortable with my body.
My identity urges me to do things that would be weird, and let’s me be unique from everyone else around me.
My identity sometimes feels like a chore. My identity is a series of trials and tribulations.
My identity has taught me more about myself than anyone could even attempt. My identity has put me at risk.
My identity has led me to be a victim of ****** assault.
My identity is something that is sensitive and dear to me.
My identity doesn’t owe anyone an explanation.
something I wrote.. being a gender nonconforming transman.
alex Jul 2019
when i say
“i want you to come home”
i’m talking to the woman
i was always expected to be

i don’t miss her and
i don’t love her
but she would make it
a little less messy.
being nonbinary. i’m not the woman from the story that the womb told; i’m even bigger than that.
Sara Kellie Jun 2019
Looks like we didn't make it,
I always thought we would.
Now the end is nearing
and it is getting late,
I never knew until today
your love would turn to hate.

I know that people change
and no one more than I.
I really didn't realise
you wished that
I would die.

by Kaydee
late in the day.
No notes
Alexander Low Jun 2019
I am thirteen
    when the mean girls call
me weird—
I do not shave
I do not wear makeup.
I do wear basketball shorts
and messy ponytails.
I am pressured to be her—
Aria.
I shave relentlessly
    for the next two years.

I am fifteen
    full of discomfort
    and anger
breaking my bones like they
    are glass
reckless rage—
all reckless no brave
    depraved of a home
    inside my own skin.

I am fifteen when I
learn what gender dysphoria is.

I am fifteen when I
    realize I am a boy
that I always have and will be
    a boy.

I am fifteen—
putting holes in wall and
    overdosing on advil
like it is a sport
championing my own self demise.

I am fifteen afraid and closeted—
I write my name as
ALEX
on my school assignments
I always change it back
before I turn them in.  

I am fifteen
    convinced everyone loves the girl
I am not
    and will never love me as the boy
I actually am.

I am sixteen crying on the floor
    of a psych ward
    this is my fifth hospitalization
in fourteen months.
Pretending to be her is
killing me.
I choke back tears as I tell
my mom that I am
transgender.
She tells me she loves me,
    and she saw me writing
    ALEX on my papers.

It will take five years
for her to let her daughter go.

I am seventeen when I am shoved
    to the floor in a men's bathroom
    slammed and slurred across the tile—
It will not be until six months into
    Hormone Replacement Therapy
that I use the men's public restroom.
I am eighteen when my moms boyfriend of the
time pulls me aside
and tells me I am making a mistake.
He would wear his mothers dresses and heels,
    hiding in her closet
    all of this is to say
    this is a phase.
When people say that this is a phase—
    I am sixteen
    sobbing on linoleum floors
    covered in cuts
    wanting nothing more than death
    if I have to pretend to be her
    for more than one second longer.

I am nineteen hopeful
    and naive.
Voice cracking and hair sprouting
    I am coming into my own body.
    I have learned that there
    are things much worse than needles.

I am twenty out of the
    ashes of abuse and trauma
    I am finally becoming
    the man I have always been
    meant to be.
Kaiden A Ward May 2019
The deepest depths of our lungs
have been deprived of oxygen
for so long
that we cannot remember what is like
to breathe,
deeply and unhindered by
this binder
as the constriction threatens to
collapse the cavity of our chest.

Willingly, we trade our breath
for the exquisite, piercing pain
that we quickly come to associate with
peace of mind
and freedom
because it means the reflection of our silhouette
finally matches the physique our
dysphoria has been telling us
we should have had
our whole lives.

In time, this addiction festers and
we bind longer and more often as
our bodies grow weaker and
our minds more chaotic until,
despite the destruction,
we cannot bear to take them off
and face the truth
written in our curves.

The pain is at one with us now.
We endure, if only to be able to
run our hands longingly down
our flattened chests
as we wait, hoping that,
one day,
we will finally be able to learn
what it is like to
breathe again.
My first attempt to capture what it is like to bind and my personal experience and thoughts on binding. Everyone's story is different.
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