I need more intimacy,
Wanna feel someone else's flesh and skin and hairs under my hands
Look into their eyes and know their body trusts me,
Know every single inch of ugly scars and hidden acnea, protruding bones and round stomach,
Wanna kiss, grab, tear apart and let the soft animals we are take over for once,
Worship,
Be worshipped,
Trust and be trusted,
Need to be pinned down like a ragdoll,
Be touched like a craving man i
want it all,
And maybe i do want it
with you.

i stare up at the splotchy night sky
and wish for you
you're still hidden in the shadows of my heart
buried deep in layers of self-loathing
dressed in starvation and ****** mary's
i long for you
from a place i am not yet aware of
i wish i knew who you were

grasp at the air, try and
clutch the body the mind forgot.
feel the chill of empty air beneath
spread fingers reaching
for someone no longer there. keep
reaching for a familiar body and find
foreign instead. find
newness where old curves sat, see
harsh lines where bare arms used to lay, feel
that foreign body. commit it
to memory. remember
where old flesh resurrected, where
he left one body not to migrate
to another but to rebuild, and
remake, and recycle, and become
something new. how he became
someone only he knew.

little me, why so sorrow?
what makes you disconnect?

seeing your body in pictures
sent shivers down your neck
the rhythmic beating
pounding as an alarm
body restless
when will you get rest then?

little me, you waited quite a while
family's opinions turned vile
it didn't matter much
you never connected
only as much as
a charger is to phone

escapism buried her
when he could be online
reversing roles and affirming yourself
only gained so much self help
a tool to be unlocked

little me, you had blocks in front of you
you played with them as trial
until they weren't meanwhile
so what did it mean to you?
what did you learn?
how did you grow?
what did you learn?

little me, you're too young to understand
one day you'll find who I am
we've always been together
tight knit and forever
don't lose the game of cards  
unless you want your graveyard

i wanna touch your body and make it mine
mold your chest into my chest, steal the curves of your shoulders,
i want the angles of your hands, the strong lines of your jaw,
rebuild myself with the clay He could have chosen to give me,
but gifted you with instead.