i swore i was steady,
that i’d built walls high enough
to quiet the wanting.
i told myself
i could learn to let go.

but last night,
you spoke,
and every word
was gravity.

suddenly,
i wasn’t standing still anymore.
i was tumbling—
the way i did at the start,
when even the sound of your name
could set my pulse off-beat.

you laughed,
and it lit me up
like the first time
i realized i could never unsee you.

and here i am,
caught in your orbit,
dizzy with the sweetness
of rediscovery.

i don’t know if you know it,
but i’m falling,
again.

Its gonna be some time before you get your license,
But by then would you have forgotten,
The promise you made to me?
Asked me whether I had ever ridden a bike,
Which to no surprise i replied a plain no,
You knew I hadn't and you knew i knew you knew that too,
So nonchalant, you just spat out,
Well first thing after I get my licence,
Imma  get a bike and I'll take you on a ride,
That's the moment I realize,
stomach is really a place where you'll find butterflies,
I'll grow old, you'll do too,
Maybe you'll forget,
But I'll never do,
The forgotten promise that'll never come true.

Can I give you a pet name,
If so can I call you mine?
Oh wait. I forgot You hate it.
You only hold me when no ones looking.
I bet you could hear my heart race,
When your fingers and mine, they interlace,
And then you smile at me,
God stop, you can make me forget own name.
You want me.
But i want you too
Maybe it's time I finally end this cuz..
If you are not mine how can I be yours?

I know you like sun kissed photos,
Well you are one in real life,
You say you look like chocolate ice cream,
But I think you shine like gold so bright,
And I'm not even lying,
Its been two years since I realized,
That glitter sparkles much better when it's on you,
And it's been two years since I realized,
That you are the pretties girl I met in my life.

It is not who she is that is my loss,
But who she was that I miss,
The memories of the same person I yearn for,
No longer a part of the person stuck in my head,
Her hair and hands they smelled so good,
She reminds me of sun light reflected by gold,
Butterflies, honey and a future that'll never come true.

she’s there,
hands trembling on the screen,
heart heavier with each second.

no reply, no sign, no sound...
just the weight of waiting,
the ache of being unseen
by the one she’s already given
so much of herself to.

i read your message
and then i looked away
because the truth is,
i don’t know what to do with it.

it’s easier to stay silent
than to admit i’m tangled
in my own mess
and maybe i’m scared
to break what we have
by saying too much, or, not enough.

i typed words i wanted you to hear
but my phone stayed quiet
like the space between us
is louder than anything i can say.

i’m here, raw and waiting
but maybe you don’t see me
or maybe you don’t want to.

and that thought feels like a knife
twisting slowly
in the middle of my chest.

if hiccups mean
you’re being missed,
you must be out there
with water up your nose
and upside-down,
holding your breath,
wondering why it won’t stop.

it’s me.
my fault.
i miss you too much
and too often..
and i don’t plan on stopping.
..
you must be
hiccuping
to death by now.

i miss you
like it’s my job
like it’s rent due
like missing you
might make you show up.

it won’t.
but maybe
you’ll feel it.
just once