This morning I'm sad... this morning I'm alone...
This morning I miss you even more than before...
My heart is aching.

I just ******* miss you...
I miss everything
I miss your messy hair in the morning
not wanting to get out of bed...
I miss making breakfast and laughing
your sleepy eyes...
I miss you jumping on my lap to hold you...
telling me how you didn't want to go to work...
I miss your kisses.

I miss the fun fights
the funny looks you would give me
I miss our conversations...
I miss crawling back into bed
kissing you all over
looking into your eyes
laying on your chest...
I miss you holding me tight ... the sighs

None of it exists anymore...
I'm just home alone
I woke up in this empty house
no sounds, no movement on my bed... no soft skin laying next to me.

Sundays hunt me... they rip me apart every time
I try not to be at home on Saturday nights...
I've realized this is why...
I rather crawl into someone else's bed
feel someone else's arms around me
they make me forget...
they make me feel stronger...
they make me smile again...
they help me mask the pain inside my chest

Sundays at home alone... they bring me back to reality

I have been in an Adele sort of mood lately....

It's become nothing but words
Hollowed hangings dangling from my teeth
Hurt and hateful
Confused and fateful
For the light from my computer isn't enough to see the room
I am alive only by the heartbeat of another
And I only believe through fear anymore.
That's how we were raised.
It can only love if you only fear
And I'm afraid we were mislead
Instead I hope to see light
Flashing fanatically and frantically to tell me to follow
Because the light from my computer is just enough to blind me from the world
And I need something.
Anything.

I bask in the
Last of summer suns
Strolling down the street.

I imagine how
The green leaves will brown
As the changing winds will soon
Carry them away.

I breath in
The moist cooling air.
And smile at the
Scent of God.

Another beautiful crisis
brightens Sunday's morning news
and waking refreshed
... as if
I still decide on a sleepless-in
possibilities dissipating with ease
into golden rays of early afternoon
zero balance cloud
there are old friends to still not write to
projects to incomplete abound
***** ones that I particularly hate
a few small fixes around the house
I need to leave for another week
neglected strawberries in the fridge
which have grown plump and rich
grey beards overnight that merge
the scent of expired fires on the beach
and stubbed out cigarette filters
I can always listen to the summer rain
gurgling down the broken gutter
after the inspiring insanity
of the past few days
it's nice to discover any
kind of mental rest impossible
and with all those wonderful plans
happening all at once
there's a special loveliness to be found
discovering they're all ones I can't face
then there's parties to attend
... of course
... I wish!
but maybe a quick check of my email
hope you're having a perfect weekend
and that it's beautiful where you are
—roséline xo
you pain