#suicidalthoughts poems

Sage Ash Adams Feb 2020

Untitled

I know I've made you angry,
I can hear it in your tone,
I went to talk to you,
But you left me all alone,
I know I did bad, but trust me I'm trying
I don't like it when your mad,
Because it makes me sad,

I know hurting myself doesn't help,
But it's a way I cope,
I went to call you, but you called me a dope
I´m sorry it hurts you,
I´m sorry I messed up

I know you called me a f*ck up,
When you use those words it hurts,
Makes me wanna do it more,
Yes I´m behind the door,
I understand you hate me,
That is why I´m bleeding,

I know I will never be able to make you proud,
But that's no longer a worry,
No longer a problem,
Because its all over now......

I relapsed again an not in a very good place atm

#selfharm #suicidalthoughts #imsorry

Kayla Feb 2020

a cry for help

sometimes i walk across the bridge
watching the water flow
the ships sailing below
they wave to say hello
but little do they know

i wonder what it’s like
to jump and feel yourself fall
before it catches up to you
before you really end it all
i wonder what it’s like
for the pain to go away
i’ll be happy finally
i’ll see you again some day

i like to stand up on the roof
to look over and see
the life in front of me
the busy and busting streets
that again i will not meet

i wonder what it’s like
to jump and feel yourself fall
before it catches up to you
before you really end it all
i wonder what it’s like
for the pain to go away
i’ll be happy finally
i’ll see you again some day

i wonder
i wonder
i wonder what it’s like to not be here
i wonder
i wonder
i wonder what it’s like to not struggle
someone tell me what it’s like
this is a cry for
help

it’s kind of lengthy but it has a dangerous beauty to it

#depression #suicidalthoughts

Kayla Feb 2020

i was only passing

it’s harder than it seems
to hold in all your tears
the pain that’s added up
throughout all these years
i tried laying down
but i got in my head
the tears are rolling down
i just want to be dead
these thoughts keep popping up
that i’m not good enough
that i am all alone
i am not even known
i leave scratches on my arms
and imprints on my legs
with all these thoughts and actions
i’m bound to wind up dead
i imagine the fall
from a roof top way up high
before i hit the ground
it’s as if i can fly
i imagine active traffic
and wind up on the street
the breeze of passing cars
before i succumb to defeat
maybe dying hurts
or maybe it’s relief
its the high that happens right before
even though it must be brief
i want to feel that high
not knowing what will happen
it’s okay if i die
for i was only passing

this poem is what it’s like inside my head when i’m at my lowest. it’s to show people that they aren’t alone. and to those who don’t go through these thoughts, it’s to show you what it’s like to have them- an inside look.

#depression #suicidalthoughts

Sh Dec 2019

Little Flecks Of Death

Like remoras surrounding a great shark, Death too has company.
Little flecks of despair floating in the air around your body.

Desperate for their master, they harm you.
They can not touch a hair of your body, nor lay a hand on your shoulder.

Instead, they whisper.
Mean little thoughts, innocent suggestions that are nothing if not malicious.

Little proposals masked as questions-
"what if you did"

They can not push you off a building,
but they can urge you to stand at its top during a windy night.

They can not control your body to run in front of the hurrying cars,
but they can tell you-
"maybe you should"

Death has many little devotees, reuniting at the collection of your soul.

#suicidalthoughts #death #intrusivethoughts #badthoughts

Sh Dec 2019

The Perfect Afterlife

I don't want to die.

Death is so dramatic,
It changes plans and ruins days.
It affects more than one life.

No,
I want to disappear.

I want to one day be gone from the face of the planet,

the only hint that I ever was there in the sticker I gave my friend in kindergarten,
still stuck into a long forgotten notebook or a puppet.

The only memory left of me in the bag of someone who forgot to give back the pencil they borrowed.

The only trace of me,
in fading wet footprints on the sidewalk between puddles.

They say that when you die, you either go to heaven or to hell.

Or maybe you'll be incarnated into a delicate butterfly flapping its wings to the sound of a powerful stream.

Each believe in their own heaven,
imagining the perfect world for them.

And isn't that exciting?
That there's a life after death?

How do I explain, then, that my heaven is

the pitch blackness of the unending unconsciousness.

The quiet rest of the ground.

The forever closed eyes and

the stillness of the heart.

Living is the debt I pay for the world.
Why would I want to pay forever?

Someone once told me it sounds like I want to die and I said

No,
I want to disappear.

Thank you for reading!

#discussionofdeath #death #afterlife #suicidalthoughts

an0nym0us Dec 2019

Pray

Take a deep breath
Don't let yourself fret
Now close your eyes
And let there be no lies.

Be calm, but let yourself loose
It is fine, do not confuse.
He is ready to lend you his ear
He was never far, but always near.

I know you feel very heavy,
You've always had a boulder to carry.
But worry not oh dear darling
He will lift it, without you knowing.

But, consider it for tonight.
The skies are covering one's sight
You know, you have walked this far.
There is no moon, there is no star.

You must be really tired,
So are we, your child.
Let us hold hands, let us be silent.
Let's seek his aid, we aren't too resilient.

#tired #fatigue #exhausted #anxiety #depression #suicidalthoughts

Empire Nov 2019

Morte

Trigger warning: Suicidal thoughts/ideation

I want it
I do
I want to die
I want to be dead
I am done living
Living has only brought me pain
Only offered me sorrow
To **** me would be to show mercy
Euthanize the suffering
I w̴̳̆ant ̴͕͝t̵͇́o̶̥͋ diē̸̩
I'm̷̩͆ ̸̪̈ṛ̸͆eaḋ̸̪y to̷̲̓ ̵̘͠d̷͉͑ie
̷̬̚Ì̴̧ can̷̖͘'̷̬̅t̶̳͘ ̵͙͑die

I̵͎̪̤̐͝ ̶͇̜̖͂̃ẁ̵̳͓̘̾a̷̗̩̤̥̿n̶̖͝ͅṱ̶̾̒͗͆ ̶̢͔͇͑̐̓͗t̷̟̘̲͌̍͝o̵̯̊͗ ̸̨̨̃d̴̙̥͚̅̓͛͆͜i̷̘̬͍͍̐ȇ̸͎

̷̛̰̦̝̩̑̐Ỉ̵͔̼̝'̶͎̬̀m̴̠̓͆ ̷̼̀r̴̦̖͕̦̊̏̐̾ẹ̵̢̙̭̓a̵̹̤̎̉͑d̷͉̓̎͜ͅy̷̛̲͍̔͛͐ ̵̡̰̯̉t̵̳̓ȯ̸̮͍͜ ̷̙̘̎d̴̹̝̘̄̌́̈́ȋ̵̞͔̉̑ͅě̸̡͈̞

̴̞͉̹̓̇I̴̤̙̪͓̊̂ ̴̜͍̣̌͘c̸͕̋̍́á̷̬̝̽́͊n̸̨͛̚͘'̵̡̦̙̏t̸̛̺͔̓͗ ̴̱̖͈̌͒d̴̗̃̐͘i̵̯̋̔̑̃ë̴̦̳̯̲́

I̷͇̥̲̮̔̋̋́̃̅̑̐͠ ̷͙̫͈̜̬͓͛́̋͌́̎́ͅͅw̴̧̛̞͈͓̱̠͈̙̲͉̥̱̱͎̐̒̅̈̌͐͑̓̇͗͆̚̕͜͜͜͠͝͠͠ͅa̶̢̪͈͚̻̦̳̤̭̰̫̬̤͇̲̋͑͐͛͑͗͂̕̚͝ͅͅn̷̛̻̲̹̙̖̻̋̅̊͋̈͑̐̀̂̏́̈́̒̄̓̂̽̈́̃̆͜͝͝t̸͍̘̰̦͕̥̹̹͚̳͔͖̫̠͉̱͇̗̪͇̋̔̐̀̓̎̽̃̋̇̓͘͘ͅ ̷̤̭̞̮̗̤̱͓̟̙̲̾̀͜ͅť̷̨̛͓͓͈͓̫͔̝̳̱̘̱̘̲̙̖̪́̀̒͗̈̀̈̎͑͜͜͝o̶̧̡̡͉̱̤̺͈͎̭̠̤̩̰̞̩̣̩̪̠̺͌̇̆̏̂̒̋͒̍̈́ ̷͉̪̀̊́́̅̃͋̕̚͘d̴̢̖͖̲̭̹̪͎̥̼̜̼͍̝͍̤̩̞̹̈̈́̈́͌͜ͅį̶̡̢̻͉̰̙̙͚̹͍̝̮̭̑͊̎͝e̸̡̨̛̼̖͉̫̣̣͍̭̺̬̳͌̍̓͘̚͜͜͜
̴̪͍̞̖̖̼͕̳̘͔͍͖̓͒̋̇̀̐̉̒͑̒̌̓͋̈́̂ͅ
̴̧̧̧̡̡͈̭͎̘͙̥͚̮̗̤͙̫͑̎̅̈̊͊͌̐͗̈́̓͛̃͝
̶̡̧̨̨̨̛̫̝͎̖͎̞͔͔͈͈̥̭̦̖̪͈͐̎̆̎͊̑̄̓͐͘Ḯ̶̧̡̛̛͍̯̹͔͎̖̞̭̦̖̈́͐̀̀̒̔͒͋͑̌͂͘̚͜'̵̡̛̱̜̰̳̭̯̱̞̤̥͉̱͓̣͈͚̟̱͚̖͙̿͋̇̎͗̃̀̄̀͐̅͘ḿ̶̡̯͚̬͕͉̜̟̘̱̙̝͍̼̭̞̻̣̝̉̂̀̽̕ ̵̡̢͈͎͈͖̯̗̜̰͖̲͈̬͚̮̈́̈́̑́̚ͅr̵̟̥̥̭̖̯̰͔̯̞͖̺̗͉̬̖̪̹͚̔̆͂̈́̇̀̕͘͜͝e̸̙͓͔͕̬̙͖̽̇͂̂̈͒̄̈́̔̏͛́͆́͗̃̽̆̾͆͋͘̕a̵̧̨̢̧̮͖̙͓̝̟͓̗̥͈̰͊͂͌͊̄̂̎̓̎̈́͂̈́̾ͅͅd̶̢̨̖͙̦͕̲͈̰̯͕͎̬̼̔̈̍̉͛̏̈́̆̑̐̄̐̽́͊̄̾͑͌̕̕ÿ̵̧̡̛̛̩̭̱̖͈̖͎́͌̑́͗̈́͗̀̀̊̚ ̴̡̻̺̹͆͂͗̇̐͌t̶̢͚̣̓̅́̎̉̽̇͌͗̊̾̾̊͌̑͌͘͠͝ṓ̷̢̳̋͂̇͘͝ ̷̔͊̾̉̐̅̋́ͅd̴̡͉̫̺͔̹̜̘̝̻̳͖̙͗͋̈̀̇͑͆͂̀̐̊̽͊̎̑̈̃͆͘̕͜͜͠i̴̛̙̗̍̐̍́͒̔̈́e̶̛̖̱̯̪͋̀́͌͠
̶̛̫̼̰̟̳̻̦̱͈̯̃̔̀͂͒͑͊͒̆̃͐̿͒͝͝ͅͅ
̵̢̨̨̹̘̱̖̩͔̳̦̦͓̭̤̭̹̗͎͍̬̻̈́̈́͆̽́̑̏͑̑̓̽̆̀̈́̅͆̓́͜͝͝
̴̼̦̆̓͗͒Ī̶̧͙̰̘̘͙̺̺͖̦̫͍͕̲͖̺̣̱͔̖̍͌̀͛̕͘͝ͅ ̷̛̠̤̻͔̰̠̣͈̹͈͔̟̮̉͌̉̚͘c̴̢̡̛̜̹̺̻̪̠̯͗͗̑̇̍̄͋́̌̈̍̑͒͑͘ȃ̵̛̟͇̜̻̲͚̘͎̱̮̦̘̇́͊̑͌͊̋͛̄͆͜ͅn̵̤̻̩̯̝̈̅͒͒̈́̒͒͐̽̏̓͌͐̄̈́̕̚͘̚͠͝'̴̩̥̝̘͓͚͇͓̖͖̳̺̳̥͉̖̩̊̓̀̀̂̍͂̀́͛̐̈́̕͜͠͝ͅt̷̢̨̡͈͚̘͈̣͖͈̤̟͎̤̙̩̩͕͙͈̳̍̓͐͗̍̓̄̾͗͒̎̿̈̈́͘̚ ̴̛̜͉̜̀͂̊̀̾̿͂͌̒̋̿̀̈́̽ḑ̴̜̻͓͕̱̲̟͔̰̜̣̺̠͎̰̗̥̞͍̭̻̯̉̑͋̍̓̅͛͛̽̓͂̄́̓͊͗̉͛͘i̴̧̹̱̪̤͍͖̱͈͈͔͙̝̟̤͒̀̏̄̽͋̓̔̑̌̃̐͘̕͝ẽ̶̢̜̤̲̣̮̜̱͓̹̮͕͖͇̗͋̇́̀́͆̂̈́̊̋͋̈̅̈́̀͒̔̈͝͠ͅ

Strong suicidal ideation tonight...

I'll be alright someday...

#suicide #death #die #suicidal #suicidalideation #suicidalthoughts #life #pain #sorrow #suffering

Joy Sep 2019

control.

i can’t control
when people leave.

i can’t control
whether he’ll love me.

i can’t control
who lives or dies.

i can’t control
their opinions.

i can’t control.

but I can control my body.

I can control my calories.

I can decide when to stop.

I can decide whether I live or die.

I am the only one
who has that control.

#suicidalthoughts #selfharm #depression #anxiety #eatingdisorder