Please/my/love, keep me awake
keep from hate
hate
hating myself for no one's sake but my own
but/yet, not even that
not for my sake
I can't even feel what it's like to be real
I don't even know where I'm going, please
please

please/my/love, take me to hell
before I take myself
make/me/see, it's not what I want
not what I want
not the place for me to be
before I take the one way trip
please/my/love, keep me afloat

coax/me, into your arms
into your life
tell/me, I will be alright
and by my side you'll fight
to find the light inside
because/my/love, you'll tell me that it's there
tell me that it's there
please
tell me it's there

To my room I feel confined.

Trapped.

A prisoner of my own mind.

Ceilings are getting taller

Sweat soaking my collar

My throat is getting smaller

I am barely able to call out her name.

I am getting smaller but my vices and flaws are not reacting the...

same.

The shame becomes too much and suddenly these made up floors turn into made up dust

and the hate I can feel it

in the back of this room.

my mind.

its calling...

these made up floors turn into dust and suddenly

I'm falling.

The pain I feel it in my ears

my mouth,

these locked doors.

I'm falling.

Suddenly there is dust all around me and I'm no longer standing on made up floors.

Suddenly.

The hurt I feel it in the boarded windows,

or...

my eyes?

The hurt I feel it like a shooting pain from wall to wall it stings my thighs.

Suddenly?

suddenly...

the floors,

the dust,

it's all lies.

and suddenly

I'm

falling.

I have been falling.

I am still falling.

How long have I been falling.

Slide your fingers along my body
Your fingers like razor blades
Cutting deep
Along every curve, every crevice, everywhere
Kiss me where you want even my lips
I know i know
that kissing on the lips mean “too intimate”
But so is what we are doing
Keep it a secret and when it gets out
Let your voice box play the same scratched record
“That lying **”
Then come back and fill the holes of my heart
But i know you want to fill my other ones instead
Tell me you like it when i do that thing with my mouth
But little do you know my mouth
Holds power
Even though I am your greatest accomplishment
I am in your closets covered in dust
But is still always there for you
My body is washed of you
But somehow the water
Is red as i drain it
Use my body for a different kind of trophy
I want you to paint the world on my back
So i dont know whats to come of my life
you will be the death of me
My death is going to be a sleep with no dreams
And no point of waking up
Even with the slightest touch
Or the loudest whisper
The voice that made my day could be
The very voice that sends the feeling of nails running down my back
Claws like the ones on that guy who
Said he loves me
His voice so sincere when she talks to me
But too hurtful to believe

Why? Why did I loved you?
If i knew that you wouldn't love me back.
Why does it have to be you? Why not someone else?
These questions are always popping in my head
every time i see you.
Every time I see you with your girl;
Your arm over her shoulder
Your fingers intertwined to hers
Kiss on her cheeks
Kiss on her forehead
I wish i was her
I wish i was the one you are holding
I wish i was the one you are kissing
I wish it was me that you love
I wish...

Then one morning, I was walking down the hall and heard other people saying that you and your girl broke up.
I had hope; I aimed that the two of us had a chance.
That the word "you and I" will be a thing.
I started talking to you wanting to be your friend
And from that moment you talked back
I knew
I knew that you only wanted a friend
A friend that can be by your side.
A friend to lean on while waiting for your broken heart to be whole again.

I became that friend that you wanted.
I listen to your stories about her
I listen on how you say that you still love her
I listened
I listened to you that I forgot to listen to myself
I forgot to listen to my friends, to my family, to everyone.
I forgot to listen to them because I was so busy listening to you.
I forgot that i have a life too.
I just forget everything that is going on when it comes to you.
I am willing to forget everything just for you
But you didn't do the same.

You were so focused on yourself; on her.
You forgot that I'm still here.
You didn't know that i was also hurting
I was hurting when you say that you still loved her very much; that you will do everything to win her back

And then it hit me.
Right at that moment you said those words
I knew
I knew that there is no chance; the word "you and i"; the word "us" will just stay as a word.
A word that has no meaning to you
But it means a lot to me.

And the only word that means to you is "I am JUST YOUR FRIEND, PREFERABLY YOUR BEST FRIEND, YOUR LITTLE SISTER, YOUR BEST BUDDY"
That when I say "I love you"
I wanted you to reply "I love you too"
But then you always replied, "I love you too........................... BEST FRIEND"

I became your best friend
I AM your best friend
Also, I became your lover that you weren't aware of.