six months
after leaving home,
i returned for the holidays.
it wasn’t the warmth
that stayed with me
but the shortage of praise.

i didn’t expect it —
i didn’t expect anything,
just a friendly check-in.

i was surprised to learn
that the people i worked with,
part of the reason i left,
were so smothered
by their own bitterness
they wished for me to fail —
to run back home
after a few weeks,
admit the dream
was too silly,
too frail.

they didn’t hate me,
just my courage —
that i dared
to refine my life
while theirs
stayed the same.

busy in a world
i could call mine,
i remained gone
and let their silence
become my applause.

520 000 is Unjust
520 000 + 1 is unjustly better.

The love of the dark,

The longing of the emptiness,

The sense of calmness in the sleepless nights,

Where else can I find such peace than seeing the coming.


Head sunk in thoughts,

To the paper beneath my fist,

With the smoke from the cigarette,

That would be what I write about.


I did not write to reach people,

But to step away from them,

Continuously struggling away from attachments,

Even if its the right one.


Anyone could be a hero,

Its the day by day action is my kryptonite,

Repeating the same routine,

That shall be the death of me.



-HIY

You stabbed me with invented labels
a game of hearsay growing from now and then
to vent away daily coming from nowhere
going with swearing questions
you didn't wear answers to

steely eyes sharpened to sustain injuries
gaping with a thin quit-then gleam I endured
your cleaver in my gut instinct's distraction
from your quiet inner keyhole enjoying
picking arguments with any scabs
from scratch to ******
turning the skeleton lock ever tighter
urging on the surge of red
to efface
that once kissed every goodbye
all ****** traces of love

until it fell pale under the pressure
low wounds gasped “bereft”
and my open heart closed
unconditional
for critical surgery

That is how they live
That is how this works
For they do see the agony
In our eyes
But they revel in the feeling of
Schadenfreude

What causes one's tear
Makes the other smile
But this is how the world works
There is agony to every soul
Pain behind every smile.

That is what sustains the world
That is what makes it worth the while
It may be the devil's evil thought
But nobody ever gets caught
Cause its just a feeling, this
Schadenfreude

The place where they talk
The place that they reveal ***** secrets
Is the place that nurses this feeling
Is the place, noone should be
Seen lurking in..

For then you can't hide
Behind ur hypocrisy
Where u say u r happy for the world
But actually their pain is ur ecstacy
For now u feel exposed
It is lifted, the cloak
You wore everyday as u reveled
In the feeling called
Schadenfreude.