She keeps me up at night,
And I lie awake
as Peace drenches into fright,
she takes and takes and takes
and screams at me for my mistakes.

She tells me "No, you can't".
But even when I try to fight
My ear she takes and starts to rant
"You CAN'T, you CAN'T, you CAN'T."

And please don't think too less of me,
'Cause there's been times where I fight back
And I tell her who I want to be,
But it's no use when she attacks.
The color inside me fades to black.

If people tell me "Yes, you can",
I start to think maybe that's true.
I begin to smile but there she stands
behind my back a deathly hue
And snarks and laughs, "who, YOU?".

I know what you think,
why keep this friend?
Whose cold-****** words send me to the brink.
Why wouldn't you want it to end?
I'll tell you I try to break and bend.

But her hands choke me with guilt
Her eyes paint me with sick disdain
She tears down the places I rebuilt
And carves out the happy in my brain.

I put up a fight I can't back down
Because in glass and mirrors all around
what I see when I see her,
is that I am my own saboteur.

Vivid hallucinations,
cause a severe depression.
Hearing the terrified screams,
in my head as I sit here in silence
What a internal sabotage.
I’m going to buckle.

That disgusting buckle,
with terrible hallucinations.
This is your sabotage,
you are my depression.
I’m done sitting in silence,
it’s my turn to scream.

After repeated inquiries
into the state of my mind
                                                      you
resort to lingering side-
long glances, trying to
                                                      see
the truth behind my
steadfast denials and
imitation smiles.

You attempt slyness, but
                                                      I'm
qui­ck to notice these
analytical gazes. It's not
your fault that I am
both unable and unwilling
to allow you into
the maze of my mind.

Though hurtful
to us both, it's
                                                      just so
much easier to lash out
than to let you in.

There's simply nothing
                                                      goo­d
in there, you see. Trust
me when I say the terrors
flinging themselves
                                                      ­at
my brain will gladly
make you their prey too.
No one is safe from my
                                                      sabotage­.

Empty vessels, faded light
In the windows of my ghosts.
Floating past, searing memories
Stained into the horizon.

Slow beats, flickering
Motes of consciousness
Briskly stroll behind and around
The broken road.

Vigor torn from husk,
Holding onto false promises.
Haunting, spines chills.
Shivering at the thought.

Fatal words cut deep,
Warming unquenchable desires.
Grab the scythe
Approach the mantle of Death.

As I pour another glass,
I look into the mirror.

Really, this again?
I thought I had been clearer.

"You know what lies across the river"
my good mind says to me.

I whisper back "It's what I want,
I want to feel pretty".

So I go forth, I drink the glass
and it tastes like sweet divine.

I stare at myself for a few more minutes,
soaking in all of my shine.

But then the reality starts to hit,
my fragile heart begins to twitch.

Suddenly I get an itch,
I fall down into a ditch,
God, isn't life a *****?

I lay on the floor,
not breathing the best.
My dear mind says to me,
"When will you give it a rest?"

I say back "I can't let go,
the feeling of shining is worth the
poisoning sorrow"

I know tomorrow I'll do it again,
because I never learn my lesson.
I hope one day I can listen to that voice.
But for right now, she gives herself no blessing.

I'm the destroyer of your dreams.
I will sabotage us until
     there is nothing left to cling to.
And I will stand over
     our ashy remains,
Unable to contain my remorse,
     even though I walk through
     the pile left there
and leave bare footprints
     in my wake
     made from the soot of us.