is it too much to ask
for my scars never to fade?
is it too much to ask
for you to care that they're there?

that once upon a time i did that
and i didn't care if you saw,
but now when i do it, i do it for you
with the hope that you'll care enough to notice me

and notice that i'm falling
and it's not just for you,
but my body is failing itself, and i'm going into that place again
the dark well that i can't climb out of.

i'm proud of my scars;
they show that i was hurting and dying
and yet now they're just scars and not still
bleeding.

why can't you even look at me?
why can't you even care a tiny bit?
you're killing me slowly,
but i know it's all my fault.

i'm sorry things are like this,
and i ****** it all up,
i'm sorry i'm like this,
sad, manic, dead inside.

i still want to show you all my scars
and i want to fall apart in your arms.

Trying to go back to the past
but I cannot find you there
cicadas and stagnant heat
dance heavy in the twilight air.
You've dropped out of college
I've grown out my hair
we both beg for some kind of change
life is not always fair.

I wonder if you know
how badly I want to save your soul
take you out in the April rain
let it soak into your bones, make yourself whole.
May springtime wash you clean.
You remember me when I was messy
and I was mean
living out of half finished daytime dreams.
Like a fallen boy who's skinned his knee
I'll care for you and you'll watch for me
carry me when I am weak and at my end
I can be your lover, your tender friend.

They say that time, cannot help but change
like the Earth, opens up to rain
maybe we'll grow old
before we put this away
until then,
at the window I stay.
Heavy at the persistent glass
back posted at half-mast
breathing into a trap
whispering to no one particular
I offer no persuasion
no plea and no temptation
only these fickle messages
written in the condensation.

and while I claim to be free
to soar over these fairytale castles
into bigger dreams, better things
some part of me still dwells here
and begs—would you still have me?

the moonlight glints off your fingertips
catching the glow—“just for you,” you say

the voice entwines with my ear, winds down
to my heart, pooling at the bottom of my chest
like a loaded gun, waiting for the trigger
to be squeezed just so, ending this sweet dream again

Against all common sense,
you still give me butterflies;
I want to tell you without pretense
how my heart for you sighs.
.
My fingers hover over the phone,
indecisive, nervous, cringing;
Since you left I'm so alone,
a kingdom without a king.
.
Words, my usual weapons of choice,
fail me when it comes to you.
I fear you'll forget my voice,
our nights; move on to someone new.
.
It's hard. It's frustrating,
this near-constant low;
Missing you, contemplating,
screaming into a pillow.
.
And memories, little ones,
just flashes of that high,
Bittersweet firefly-suns
of the days you were nigh.
.
These crumbs of text,
an occasional voice note,
Starving till the next,
Hungering for what you wrote.
.
I need you, I love you so
embarrassingly much,
Your smile, your eyes of doe,
the fire of your touch.
.
And yet it gets caught in my throat,
the selfish begging for your return;
so I just pray, in silence,
as I continue to burn.
.

words that can only be whispered
in dreams and midnight longings;
the melancholy lilt of a time fading
echoes into the silence, unbound

I miss you more than words can express,
but I must try anyway.
The issue, the core of this whole mess:
I'm dust since you went away.
.
I think of you ten times a day,
tormented by memories:
a wink, a joke you would say -
lost in my reveries.
.
And I only really smile
when I replay our greatest hits;
It's been lonely for a while,
Gone astray, falling to bits.
.
I pray, I do, though I'm not sure
if I deserve to have you back,
or if oblivion could even cure
this tattered soul, this crystal crack.
.
Fare thee well, my shooting star,
wherever you might land;
For I have fell from you too far,
forever changed by your hand.
.