i sob into a gentle fabric
my voice quickly fading
with every gulp and gasp
and yet, my mind is
elsewhere

i think about the last time
i've been held in someones arms
the way their limbs entangled with mine
their hands in my hair
their breath against my neck

and im back to sobbing

i’m wishing for that warmth
in the loneliness of night
the press of another’s body
against mine, curled close
two hearts becoming one

and suddenly i’m sobbing again

the knot in my chest tightens
my gasps quiet down
my hands clench in the fabric
it’s weight deafening
my inconsolable noise

but then i think about them
and i realize i’m going to be okay
weighted blanket or not

and the crying stops

dear basil,

you don't have to be in pain
to talk to me </3

i want to hear about your
good days
too

love,
basil

Someone once said:
For love all love of other sights controls,
 And makes one little room an everywhere.
And it made me think
Dont we all wish for one person
To be our home?

Houses are four walls that protect you
But a home
Is a person who loves you
And cherishes you

They make everything better
Even when you are down
They brighten up your life
One day at a time

But when they leave
They take the sun
The moon
And the stars
With them

So how do you make someone stay?

Well you cant

You can just hope

That when they say “forever”

That they mean it

Someone once said:
When I tell you I love you,
I am not saying it out of habit,
I am reminding you that you are my life.

"life is tick boxes and notes.
i am guilty of loving stationery."

Your fingers caressed the keys
like a gentle waltz
I was utterly transfixed
by the way you carried a conversation
I shivered at each note
the melody resonated within
You were telling the piano about me.

infatuation
an intense or short lived passion
or admiration for someone or something
an elaborate definition right?
at this point i know this word well
it can be synonymous with puppy love
or a flight crush
it's the way you describe someone*
when you are in denial
about how you truly feel

when i was a sophomore
my hopes for senior year
included a high school sweetheart

but here i am
two years later
lonely
unhappy
tired
not in love

nowhere close to achieving the dreams
and hopes
a younger naive me
had for this age

part of me didn't expect to live this long
another-- upset that i have
without a choice
i've made it this far

infatuated with this dream of love
impassioned with creativity
and a solid outlet
not stuck at home
crying about the same old burned feelings

and yes. maybe there is a crush.
maybe slight feelings for a person
who is out of reach
too far away
to be tugged
into these hopeless arms

when i was a sophomore
i was happy with who i was becoming
and now i'm a bit disappointed
at how i have let myself lose that happiness
and had it replaced with

infatuation.