Open your eyes
“...”
Look at me
and tell me what I have become.
I cannot see for myself
My reflection melts mirrors
and turns puddles into vapor
I glare into the abyss
Hoping to catch a glimpse of my own pupils
I don’t know what I look like
Tell me,
How will my eyes look
when our stares meet for the first time?
“Empty”
Yes, I tore out the soul
Behind the doors of flesh covering my eye sockets
I have scraped my nails against bone
As my fingers pressed into my eyes
and carved out the consciousness that possessed me

Open your eyes
“...”
I need to know how my skin pulsates
What undulating form has it taken today?
Can you hear it?
Gurgling restlessly
My shape refuses to remain consistent
Tell me,
What will my body look like
when you lay eyes on me?
“Damaged”
Yes, I am wounded
The color crimson oozes from my pores
It sticks to my flesh possessively
I collect chunks of the liquid on my skin
As I imagine it decorates me nicely

Open your eyes
“...”
I need you to describe my limbs
For I always feel that I am reaching
for something I cannot obtain
My fingers squirm
into tight crevices and holes they are unwelcome in
Like curious, thoughtless insects
Unaware of the consequences for prying
Tell me,
What will my limbs appear as
when you set sight on me?
“Demented”
Yes, I have fought against conformity
by twisting my bones out of line
Listen. Hear each splintering cracks
defining how I am different

Open your eyes
“...”
You have to answer what my expression looks like
I can never seem to sync my face with my emotions
It’s tricky to coordinate such complex ideas
Tell me,
What will my expression be
when you finally gaze upon me?
“Grinning”
Yes, I’m afraid I can’t change that
I carved my smile with a butcher’s knife
from ear to ear
So I wouldn’t have to fake it anymore

Now open your eyes
“...”
Tell me what I have become
Shackle me to my image
Let me stare back at someone
who sees me for the first time.
Look at me.

I wake from my nightmares.
Nightly sweats and ragged breath.
Terror trembles throughout my body.
Scenes echo in my mind.

Then a soft touch to my back.
I turn to look at a smile.
Simple, bright, and honest to the core.
Hazel-green eyes stare through in worry.

I give a sly grin.
Turning my head, I cried.
Gut-wrenching sobs escape my lips.
Desperate to contain what’s inside.

There it was again though.
Her hand on my shoulder.
Her lips make out words.
Encouragement and sweet nothings, perhaps?

I hadn’t woke up.
It was a dream too.

Sanity sifting, lunar shifting
Sleep coming in tides
Waves of anger follow sudden
Droughts of energy… and hope
Each night exhausting
Howling at the moon and stars
For a few precious hours of peace
The body feels paralyzed
But the mind it runs, lost and afraid
In the dark in circles
Preyed on by shadows
Praying for the coming sunrise
That will bring only disdain
The roar of the city, stampede of trains
Scavengers and predators in packs
The laughter, the screaming
The phantoms in the dark
A dream might make it better
Or burn it for nightmare fuel
The darkness within
Never covers the eyes
Only makes the night more sinister
Surrounding, relentless
All part of the punishment
All in on the joke
The hunters become the victims
The weak cower and the strong…
They watch silently in horror
They, they’re coming…
Too tired to face them
Just roll over and lie still
The aching bones, the guilty heart
A mind of questions, an empty stomach
No morning, no answers
A lonely bed, filled with lumpy pillows
Jagged springs, stuffy blankets
Legs knotted and tangled
Breath heavy, eyes hurting

I°°° want°°° my°°° ******°°° to°°° be°°° a°°° mystery°°°
I°°° want°°° a°°° Grove°°° with°°° trees°°°,
Standing°°° tall°°° as°°° can°°° be°°° .
There°°° in°°° the°°° distance°°° in°°° between°°°,
All°°° those°°° trees°°° shadows°°° ,
What°°° lies°°° beneath°°° .
My°°° body°°° layed°°° to°°° rest°°° apon°°° some°°° leaves.°°°
Scene°°° of°°° a°°° suicidal°°° heart°°° surgery°°° .
Knife°°° at°°° hand,°°° looking°°° at°°° the°°° deep°°° cut°°° seems°°°
Pool°°° of°°° blood°°° nobody°°° would°°° want°°° to°°° see °°°.
Stood°°° behind°°° my°°° soulless°°° body°°° .
Lift°°° my°°° own°°° hands ,°°°
Knife°°° cutting°°° softly.°°°
Pulling°°° back°°° the°°° ribs°°° and°°° skin °°°.
Not°°° to°°° find°°° a°°° heart ,°°° just°°° emptiness°°° within°°°.
Looking°°° at°°° the°°° way°°° I°°° laid°°° , how°°° was°°° I°°° to°°° late ?°°°
This°°° took°°° time°°° and°°° pain°°° .
I'm°°° sorry°°° ...
Really°°° no°°° signs°°° of°°° struggle°°° around°°° the°°° scene°°°.
Was°°° it°°° a°°° ******? ,°°° I°°° would°°° say°°° likely°°°.
Why°°° would°°° you°°° say°°° that?,°°° is°°° that°°° what°°° you°°° see°°°.
Yes°°° because°°° it's°°° impossible°°° to°°° do°°° a°°° open°°° heart°°° surgery°°°.
On°°° one's°°° self , °°°°you'd°°° have°°° to°°° be°°° mentally°°° crazy°°° .
I°°° get°°° what°°° your°°° saying,°°° it's°°° just°°° hard°°° to°°° believe°°° .
Walking°°° away°°° from°°° myself ,°°° kinda°°° feeling°°° relieved°°°.
Did°°° I°°° do°°° it ?°°° Did°°° I°°° clean°°° enough°°° of°°° the°°° scene°°°.
And°°° where°°° did°°° I°°° put°°° that°°° heart? ,°°° it°°° must°°° not°°° be°°° seen°°°.
Thoughts°°° dancing°°° in°°° my°°° mind ,°°° creating°°° art ,°°°
Within°°° my°°° soulless°°° body ,°°° this°°° gots°°° to°°° be°°° a°°° dream°°°.
But°°° One°°° thought°°° stuck°°° to°°° me ,°°°
I°°° wanted°°° my°°° ******°°° to°°° be°° a°°° mystery .°°°
I°°° wanted°°° groves ,°°° with°°° lots°°° of°°° trees°°° .
Just°°° standing°°° tall°°° and°°° alone°°° like°°° me°°°.
And°°° there°°° in°°° the°°° distance°°°  an°°° in°°° between°°°.
Now°°° forever°°° my°°° shadow°°° lies°°° beneath°°° me°°°.
My°°° body°°° laid°°° to°°° rest°°° apon°°° soft°°° leaves°°° .
A°°° scene°°° of°°° a°°° suicidal°°° heart°°° surgery°°°.