So very much, will I be missing you
It's leaving me a stranger blue

The spring showers fell like your love
drenching my soul
and even in the pouring rain
I shone silver from behind the clouds.

I was your hot summer haze
parching the earth
dappled by leaves
warming the buttercups to a shining yellow.

Autumn leaves swirled
russets and browns blanketing the ground
and I shone for you low in the sky
from east to west.

The winter snow fell
and I sparkled clear silver
like the diamonds that glistened
in your hair, your eyes.

I was always your sunshine
a bright clear warmth in your days
a burning sun
a reflection of you.

And you will be forever my seasons
each a changing wonder in my world
and I will love you the entire year of my life

When my head is pounding & my heart is throbbing,
when it seems like a good idea to drink my sorrows away till the next morning.
When the constant pain just starts to get worse every time you cross my mind.
It’s not midnight sadness anymore,
it’s morning & afternoon sadness that i can never get over.
You were my anti-depressant & now that you are gone
I crave you more than anything & i’m sadder than I ever were.

"Don’t meet anyone offline”* I say “They're all weirdos”
Though I’ve been a serial dater and frequent Tinderer for some time.
I couldn’t tell you the number of lips mine have pushed up against.
Nor could I tell you the names of the people they were attached too.

There’s been nice guys and bad boys and girlie girls and “show me your *** toys?”
There have been casual hook ups and dates, movie nights and lets be mates.
There have been people who have felt more at home in my skin than I do
There has been a little bit of everything, and a whole lot of nothing at all!

I remind myself of
all the bad things you did
so that I can convince myself
to stop missing you;





Yet I go on missing you anyway...

the pull from under my ribs
is wanderlust
unsuccessfully convincing myself

that the ache in my soul
is not my red string of fate--
the one wrapped around my heart--

being pulled taut
ripping my organs from my chest  
and breaking my ribs like glass

it is not,
i whisper, not fooling anyone
the distance that makes it feel

like glass shards have taken over my throat
crawling from my mouth
and cutting off my tongue

it is not,
the fact that i cannot hold you
that makes my arm feel as if they have no purpose

it is not,
you being so far from my heart, my arms
that cuts up my insides so fine

please let me pretend,
just for a while longer,
that you being gone doesn't make me feel like a goner