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MetaVerse Sep 17
Edgar Allan Poe
Never wrote a poem about a crow,
But he did write a poem about a misbehavin'
Raven.
MetaVerse Sep 17
Edmund Clerihew Bentley
Invented an eminently
Humorous verse form
Which is also a terse form.
Mark Toney Oct 2022
The bar-tailed godwit
caught birddom by surprise
When word got out
just how far this bird flies

A juvenile Limosa lapponica,
satellite tag 2-3-4-6-8-4
flew nonstop from Alaska
to the Tasmanian shore!
13,560 kilometers nonstop,
eleven days and nights
A new world record for
marathon bird flights

“From Alaska to Tasmania?
The devil, you say!”
cried ravens and crows,
“Every bird knows
Claiming to fly 8400 miles
To the Tasmanian isles—
is the height of audacity!
No bird has the capacity
We protest with pugnacity
Demanding veracity!”

The godwits conveyed
a very chill groove
They had, after all
nothing to prove
having set the prior
world records in ‘20 and ‘21
A controversy was brewing
Would their achievements
be undone?

A commission was appointed
for a bird’s-eye review
into the facts of the matter
the truth to pursue
Wise owls were chosen
to adjudicate this claim
To settle once and for all
who deserved the acclaim

First item considered
had scientific backing
Since satellite data
Allowed accurate tracking
Of the tagged young bird’s
ultramarathon flights
The facts indisputable
No need for bird fights,
ending investigation into
this migration gyration

Bar-tailed godwits awarded
the Oiseau de Plume
for being the farthest nonstop
flying bird in the room
The Arctic terns too
received acclamation
For flying the farthest
In their migration—pole to pole,
24,000 miles each year
causing most birds present to
stand up and cheer
in spontaneous applause—
But not all birds were willing
To concede their cause

Displaying proclivity
to resist the festivity
The crows and ravens
As they stormed out the door
vowed in unison, wings clenched,
“Nevermore!”





Mark Toney © 2022

Based on a true story with poetic license added for spice.

When was the last time you flew 8400 miles nonstop? A bar-tailed godwit flew nonstop over 8400 miles from Alaska to Tasmania from October 13 through 24, 2022, setting a new world record for nonstop bird flight.
Poetry form: Light Verse - Mark Toney © 2022. All rights reserved
Mark Toney Nov 2021
I want to find a Boo-Boo
for my Smokey Bear
So now that you’re aware
of this just stop your
staring at me
Please hear my plea
Next time you
talk to Yogi
ask him ‘bout a
Boo-Boo Bear for
Smokey

The forest fires burn
burn, burn, burn, burn
Keep tryin’ to contain them
but those whack-a-moles
yearn to be free
Please listen to me
Next time you
talk to Yogi
ask him ‘bout a
Boo-Boo Bear for
Smokey

Smokey needs a
Boo-Boo Bear so
when he retires
he’ll take over his work
preventing forest fires
Can’t you see?
Please hear my plea
Next time you
talk to Yogi
ask him ‘bout a
Boo-Boo Bear for
Smokey




Mark Toney © 2021




“Created in 1944, the Smokey Bear Wildfire Prevention campaign is the longest-running public service advertising campaign in U.S. history, educating generations of Americans about their role in preventing wildfires … Though he has already accomplished so much, Smokey’s work is far from over. Wildfire prevention remains crucial, and he still needs your help. His catchphrase reflects your responsibility: Only you can prevent wildfires. Remember that this phrase is so much more than just a slogan: it’s an important way to care for the world around you.”—smokeybear.com

“Boo-Boo Bear is a Hanna-Barbera cartoon character on The Yogi Bear Show. Boo-Boo is an anthropomorphic bear cub who wears a blue or purple bowtie. Boo-Boo is Yogi Bear's constant companion, and often acts as his conscience.”—Wikipedia | Boo-Boo Bear
11/20/2021 - Poetry form: Light verse - Mark Toney © 2021
Mark Toney Nov 2019
Wood you marry me?
I love you can't you see?
I hope you will agree
So please, please, please,
Marry me...

They say it's no good
Because you're made of wood
For me it's understood
So please, please, please,
Marry me...

Ventriloquist's
Wooden dummy
You give me fits
Please marry me!

Please take my hand
Together we can stand
Our life will be so grand
So please, please, please,
Marry me...

I'll have your back
You by my side
It's just like that
Please be my bride!

Life will be complete
My mouth closed when you speak
Our future bright not bleak
So please, please, please,
Marry me...
1-19-2019 - Poetry form: Light Verse - The Beatles tune I had in mind when I wrote this poem is "Love Me Do." FYI- In case you haven't yet figured it out, the first word "Wood" is an intentional pun. This poem is loosely based on "And So Died Riabouchinska," broadcast in 1956 as the twentieth episode of the first season of Alfred Hitchcock Presents. It's based on a Ray Bradbury story, and starred Claude Raines and a young Charles Bronson. And, of course, we can't forget Riabouchinska. She's a doll ;) Actually, she's a ventriloquist's dummy that Claude Raines falls in love with. Yikes! - Copyright © Mark Toney | Year Posted 2019
Mark Toney Nov 2019
beware atomic attack!
1950s civil defense
duck and cover drills
Bert the turtle
showed us the way

flash of light - duck and cover!
6/8/2019 - Poetry form: Light Verse - In school we actually did atomic bomb drills where we'd go into the hallway, sit with our backs against the wall, duck our head between our knees and cover our head with our hands! Duck & cover drills! ***! - Copyright © Mark Toney | Year Posted 2019
Mark Toney Oct 2019
**** and Jane phenomenon
Baby Sally - See Spot Run!  
Think-and-Do Book  leads the way
We Look and See
We Come and Go
We Work and Play

Until Dr. Seuss's smash-hit breakaway...
6/13/2019 - Poetry form: Light Verse - "DR. SEUSS BRAGGED ABOUT HELPING TO **** OFF **** AND JANE.  William Spaulding—who headed the educational division at Houghton Mifflin publishing—challenged Theodore Seuss Geisel to write "a story that first-graders can't put  down. Geisel responded with The Cat in the Hat—his first smash-hit. Children's literature hasn't looked back since. "I have great pride in taking **** and Jane out of most school libraries," he subsequently said. "That is my greatest satisfaction." -mentalfloss.com - Copyright © Mark Toney | Year Posted 2019
Mark Toney Oct 2019
Green eggs, Spam and grits
Sam and Pam had their fill,
Then made their way to Main Street
Down WhoDat’s Whatsup Hill.

Waived "Hi!" to their neighbors
To show them that they cared.
All smiled except two who
Just stood there and glared.

Hulu Q Hopps and
His shorter half-brother
They came from two pops but
Shared the same mother.

Hopps came at them fast
So they quickened their pace
Sam and Pam flew past him,
Boy, this was a race!

Hopps huffed and puffed,
While shouting very gruffly:
"You better stop now, or
I'll treat you roughly!"

          "Just what have we done
           To make you so mad?"

"If you don't stop right now,
I'll do something bad!"

Pam and Sam finally stopped,
Turning right around,
Awaiting their fate while
Standing their ground.

Hopps wide-eyed and breathless
Finally stopped within inches
"Listen real closely now,
Your see Mr. Pinch is
Hot on your trail
Looking for retribution
Based on your failure
To give restitution."

          "We don't know what that means,
           We don't know what to say..."

"Doesn't matter at all,
Pinch is coming your way!"

Since Mr. Pinch meant
To slow cook their goose,
Pam and Sam agreed to do
What they learned from Dr. Seuss!

They asked all their friends
To lend them some help.
Eucalyptus, Betty Loo,
JaeJae and Miss Kelp.
Hortman, Octavius, and
Hopps stepped up to bat.
Even Kat came back
And threw in her hat!

Off in the distance
The Catawampas growled
And soon after that
The Terrormasu yowled.

Down came Mr. Pinch
From atop Mount Dumpit
In his impedimenta SUV,
Like it or lump it.

Rolling into town
Entering WhoDat's Square
Pinch shouted "Sam and Pam!
Are you hiding somewhere?"

"You must pay the piper,
I'm here to collect.
Excuses mean nothing,
Your pleas I'll reject!"

Pam and Sam stepped forward,
Friends forming a line.
          "Pinch, you won't get away
           With extortion this time!"

With that Betty Loo
Pulled out her didgeridoo.
The others pulled out
Their instruments too.

All began playing strong,
Singing loud and clear:

"You are hostile Mr. Pinch
And your breath reeks of stench
But we're stronger than you
So you can't make us flinch.
Mr. Pinch you are mean
So you better flee the scene
You're a ****** like no other, Mr. Pinch..."

They droned on and on,
A multi-stanza bonanza:

"You're a villain Mr. Pinch...

"You are ****** Mr. Pinch...

"You are nasty Mr. Pinch...

"You're a ****** Mr. Pinch...

"You disgust us Mr. Pinch...

Mr. Pinch screaming loud
With hands to his ears,
Made a beeline to his
Impedimenta SUV in tears.

Then Pinch did the math
Calculating the odds
He wasn't going to get
Anywhere with these clods.

"You haven't heard the last of me!"
Fist pumping as he shouted.
When he left, all WhoDat cheered,
Disaster had been routed.

Sam and Pam thanked their friends
In a way that befits.
A WhoDat picnic serving them
Green eggs, Spam and grits!
3/10/2019 - Poetry form: Light Verse - My tribute poem to Dr. Seuss. Special thanks for this poem's inspiration to Theodor Seuss Geisel, an American children's author, political cartoonist, and animator. He is known for his work writing and illustrating more than 60 books under the pen name Doctor Seuss. The lyrics in the above poem are my own, as are the names of the characters and locations, but they were inspired by "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch," a song that was originally written and composed for the 1966 cartoon special How the Grinch Stole Christmas. The lyrics of that song were written by Theodor "Dr. Seuss" Geisel, the music was composed by Albert Hague, and the song was originally performed by Thurl Ravenscroft. - Copyright © Mark Toney | Year Posted 2019
Mark Toney Oct 2019
Got a plop in my fizz
And a tiger in my tank
Impossible is nothing
(That’s why Titanic sank)

Got milk? Just do it.
Wash your troubles down the drain
Tastes so good
Cats ask for it by name

Eat fresh. I’m lovin’ it.
It’s finger-lickin’ good
If you won’t eat it
We all know Mikey would

Once you pop you can’t stop
Make the most of now
“Eat Mor Chikin”
(Written by a rebel cow)

Every bubble’s passed its fizzical
Let’s get quizzical
Nothin’ says lovin’
Like something from the oven

Snap! Crackle! Pop!
They’re Gr-r-r-reat!
Just like a good neighbor
In good hands with Allstate

Look, Ma, no cavities!
Think outside the bun
Save money.  Live better.
Consider IT done

Melts in your mouth
Not in your hands
(Life’s what happens
While you’re making other plans)

American by birth.
Rebel by choice.
Hello Moto
His masters voice

Maybe she’s born with it
Have it your way
A diamond is forever
Every kiss begins with Kay

You've come a long way baby
Be all that you can be
A Little dab'll do ya
With L.S./M.F.T.

Own a piece of the rock
Where do you want to go today?
We make money
The old-fashioned way…

When you care enough
To send the very best
Oh, what a feeling!
Come be our guest!

Live in your world.
Play in ours.
Get N or get out
For the love of cars

You can’t top the copper top
Easy as Dell
He keeps going and going…
Go further with Shell

When there is no tomorrow
Bo knows best
Think small. Make believe.
Makes quitting **** less

Stronger than dirt
How do you spell relief?
Success.  It’s a mind game.
Defying all belief

Challenge everything
Share moments. Share life.
Because you’re worth it
Save a life.  Love your wife.
4/17/2019 - Poetry form: Light Verse - These famous advertising slogans from our past were sure a blast! Booyah! - Copyright © Mark Toney | Year Posted 2019
Mark Toney Oct 2019
Quacky little bird sound
When you hear it coming duck!
If farmer Ted is after you
You're running out of luck

Totin' shotgun and bird shot,
Son, he's aiming not to please
He's sneaking close behind you bird
You better hold your sneeze

Cuz your feathers are a tickler
Your bill is orange and bright
While the farmer is a stickler
He will sup on bird tonight

Lord love a duck!
Of him you mustn't run a fowl
Pain from your freshly plucked feathers
Will be enough to make you howl!
7/17/2019 - Poetry form: Light Verse - This is the first poem in my new e-book "Bird Beaks & Bee's Knees", a collection of bird-brained poems that attempt to answer the following question:  What can you do when you're as busy as a bee and life bugs you to the point where you cry fowl?  And there you go, barking at the geese, ducks and swans, swatting carpenter bees with your tennis racket and drowning ants with your water hose as if that will help.  The Woodpecker Gazette calls it "A silly, idiotic and unintelligent must-read." So as not to run afoul of the grammar police, please understand that my poetic license is up to date, misspelled words are intentional and the use of puns is clearly authorized. Why in the world would I use puns? To make it more punny, of course! Ok, I'll stop now. Maybe...
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