I fell
again,
Help me
stumble upon
this word,
called "stop,"
Help me
think through
that I've
already had
enough.

I thought the wounds had closed
But they've merely been covered by scabs
Scabs that needed no picking for the wounds to bleed again
Bleeding with renewed pain

Pain that I had hoped would have disappeared like the passing of the years
Yet the mere mention of your name
Dredges up my most agonising memories
Memories that I thought I had suppressed
Memories that could never be repressed

Memories of you breaking my heart
Of you healing it only for you to break it into even tinier pieces

Memories of claw shaped fingernails
Scratching my neck, my face, my chest
Of a razor tipped tongue that cut me to the bone with your insults
Of your poison laden honeyed words that turned my own friends against me
Of heavy hands that always left me bruised and battered

Memories of me walking away again
and again only for you to reel me in with your promises and your declaration of love
But your promises were as empty as your heart
Your profession of love was as false as that smile on your face

I see that now

I see that the only reason why these wounds have never really healed
Is because I have never truly let you go
Somewhere deep inside me
I had always wished you come back to me
For you were my first love
And for all the bad memories, we had some good ones too

And now with my heart slowly mending
And light banishing the shadows in my cave
I have to tell you this

*I am letting you go

I was so afraid to loose you that I lost myself someway in the middle of love and hate.
So please don't look at me like this. Like I'd have ripped your heart out and left you bleeding on the street. That's just not what happened, okay.
You might ask yourself why I tell you this...
Maybe because you just have no right to act like this!
Maybe because I've spent the entire last year crying and thinking over the same **** thing.
Maybe because I can't and won't do this one more year.
I wish I could tell you I'm sorry for how things went.
But I'm not. Seriously. I shouldn't have to feel guilty because I walked away  from something that made me sick.
Yes, I was the one who left but we both know why.
So I'll ask you again, why sould I feel guity about this? Huh?
Why is it a shane to walk away from someone who makes you feel sick and worthless? Why nobody ever asked hy I walked away?
Because you're the poor little kid that was left behind?
I teel you this because I want you to know that I don't miss you anymore or even hate you. I can't. I've spend so much time thinking about you and everything that has gone wrong between us that my whole body is sick of you. Of your voice. Of your face. Of your whole existence.
But there was a time when you used to be the most important person in my life. To be true, that's the only reason why I'm even writing this down.
I let you go along time ago betwenn tears and loneliness.
And whatever what, I'd never wanna go back to the past.

The day after I had to let you go,
It was windier than I've ever seen before.
It was as if Mother Nature thought
If she blew hard enough,
Your windy city and mine might just collide
So that you and I could be one
Once again.