you have me trained to do
every little thing that pleases you
I disobey and you ring a bell
but wrong from right, I can tell

I am not for you, I know
you and I apart will grow
you took your leave from my life
I wish you only good days and nights

please, don't take my poetry as a sign
I'm aware you were never mine
some will touch your life with gold
and quickly leave you out to cold

my words are now for only me
and happy as a dog, I will be

your spark was so deep, intense and warm
you defied the gods and gave me your fire
I had wandered through frozen wilderness
couldn't remember feeling heat against ice heart
I melted, held to your words and arms
didn't even consider that I could get hurt
your body gets used to always feeling cold
but the fire restored feeling in every finger tip
skin against skin where you healed my frostbite
so of course, when you left and the cold set in again
I felt the sharp curse of a million needles piercing me

your spark was so deep, intense and warm
that I never noticed when everything burned down
creating another frozen wasteland to navigate
the difference is now I remember that fire exists
even if I don't have a paper map to find you
or enough dry wood to hold a flame of my own
with the memory of you, I can recreate a fire
for the next person who has lost their light or spark

What is so bad about reality, conversations and confrontations?
Why can't you ever seem to mix these together?
How am I supposed to know what is so good about us,
if I can't even find the truth, the words and your heart?

you passed the joint over to me
I looked at your lips
as the smoke rolled over them
like a spirit chased out of your body

I took a drag and passed it around
we stared at him with eager eyes
for the next clue to win the game
it was getting late and I felt drunk
with happy exhaustion when
your friend whispered "plantagenet"
"what?" we asked
"the clue is... plantagenet" he said again, sternly

our eyes connected
I looked at you, then at him
then back to you
for the briefest moment
before we both started laughing
full belly laughs
and at that moment
you were lovely
of course, we lost that game
but only sort of

1 am, 5 months later
I’m wide awake, alone in the dark, the same way you left me
With broken thoughts, broken hopes, and a spirit to match
Who would have thought the cut would be this deep?
Questioning myself, questioning my worth, questioning my ability to be loved
All because you only knew how to question
Only knew how to hide
Only knew how to blame anyone other than yourself

How long do wounds take to heal?
How soon can a spirit be fixed?
How soon can one ignore the blame, the guilt, the shortcomings of an indecisive lover?
5 months later and I don’t want to question my worth
I want to question you
Your views
Your actions
Your way of making people feel little when they only want to make you feel loved

The only aspect of myself I need to question
Is my loyalty to a heart
I didn’t own

there's an awful emptiness
in relatable content
when hundreds of people all
experience the same
loneliness and pain
but no one can do anything
about it, so instead they just
laugh, a fake laugh, and say
"yeah, I know how you feel!"
as if commiserating will somehow
ease the pain when someone dies
or something in your heart goes askew
but if every awful experience is common then the norm is misery
which is not a norm I'm willing to accept
or maybe relatable is an adjective
for anything relevant to the human experience
in which case, every moment, every feeling, every instance
is relatable and therefore dreadfully unoriginal
so-- I propose we change the meaning of the word itself
allow it to become more, a warning to break free
a protest to rise up against
the normative and to seek the original
to become inspired and to connect with others
in unique and meaningful ways
join me in reclaiming what is relatable and instead
seeking what is new

starve a fever, feed a cold
which one am I, love?
feed me, starve me
love me, leave me
pleasing you, pleases me
pleasing you, feeds me

let me feed on your flesh
the area where neck and shoulders
meet my lips and teeth

carry the marks I sink to your skin
feel your skin sink into my teeth
the softest spots are the freckles
here, and here, and here
I long to taste them
linger salt in the corners

my smile against you
I remember that smile
when your warmth feeds my cold

when my voice lowers
the secret is yours to keep
that I unequivocally love you
and I am yours to love or leave
to feed or starve
please, let me please you

no introductions required
I don't need to know your name
nor you, mine
I'm here to bind
your naked wrists together
behind your bare back
slender shoulders
skin spilling over rope
watch your bare chest hitch
shallow breaths
restricted by my tension
careful to avoid your *******
cross the pattern along ribs
observing the bruises along your neck
as I move your hair out of my way
I am busy working
observing patches of blue and black
on your sides and stomach
where he had his way with you
and I feel a pang of envy
somewhere deep in my stomach
because I wish anyone would want me
the way he wants you
but I'm here to learn
how to fold string
create red patterns
on your soft skin
hoping someday, someone
will want to be bound
the way you are now
mine for more than just the hour