you passed the joint over to me
I looked at your lips
as the smoke rolled over them
like a spirit chased out of your body

I took a drag and passed it around
we stared at him with eager eyes
for the next clue to win the game
it was getting late and I felt drunk
with happy exhaustion when
your friend whispered "plantagenet"
"what?" we asked
"the clue is... plantagenet" he said again, sternly

our eyes connected
I looked at you, then at him
then back to you
for the briefest moment
before we both started laughing
full belly laughs
and at that moment
you were lovely
of course, we lost that game
but only sort of

1 am, 5 months later
I’m wide awake, alone in the dark, the same way you left me
With broken thoughts, broken hopes, and a spirit to match
Who would have thought the cut would be this deep?
Questioning myself, questioning my worth, questioning my ability to be loved
All because you only knew how to question
Only knew how to hide
Only knew how to blame anyone other than yourself

How long do wounds take to heal?
How soon can a spirit be fixed?
How soon can one ignore the blame, the guilt, the shortcomings of an indecisive lover?
5 months later and I don’t want to question my worth
I want to question you
Your views
Your actions
Your way of making people feel little when they only want to make you feel loved

The only aspect of myself I need to question
Is my loyalty to a heart
I didn’t own

there's an awful emptiness
in relatable content
when hundreds of people all
experience the same
loneliness and pain
but no one can do anything
about it, so instead they just
laugh, a fake laugh, and say
"yeah, I know how you feel!"
as if commiserating will somehow
ease the pain when someone dies
or something in your heart goes askew
but if every awful experience is common then the norm is misery
which is not a norm I'm willing to accept
or maybe relatable is an adjective
for anything relevant to the human experience
in which case, every moment, every feeling, every instance
is relatable and therefore dreadfully unoriginal
so-- I propose we change the meaning of the word itself
allow it to become more, a warning to break free
a protest to rise up against
the normative and to seek the original
to become inspired and to connect with others
in unique and meaningful ways
join me in reclaiming what is relatable and instead
seeking what is new

starve a fever, feed a cold
which one am I, love?
feed me, starve me
love me, leave me
pleasing you, pleases me
pleasing you, feeds me

let me feed on your flesh
the area where neck and shoulders
meet my lips and teeth

carry the marks I sink to your skin
feel your skin sink into my teeth
the softest spots are the freckles
here, and here, and here
I long to taste them
linger salt in the corners

my smile against you
I remember that smile
when your warmth feeds my cold

when my voice lowers
the secret is yours to keep
that I unequivocally love you
and I am yours to love or leave
to feed or starve
please, let me please you

no introductions required
I don't need to know your name
nor you, mine
I'm here to bind
your naked wrists together
behind your bare back
slender shoulders
skin spilling over rope
watch your bare chest hitch
shallow breaths
restricted by my tension
careful to avoid your *******
cross the pattern along ribs
observing the bruises along your neck
as I move your hair out of my way
I am busy working
observing patches of blue and black
on your sides and stomach
where he had his way with you
and I feel a pang of envy
somewhere deep in my stomach
because I wish anyone would want me
the way he wants you
but I'm here to learn
how to fold string
create red patterns
on your soft skin
hoping someday, someone
will want to be bound
the way you are now
mine for more than just the hour

Hello, it's me again.
Animosity baring in.
It's dangerous yet, I know.
Running from your flaws just to slip in snow.
And us demons, ready to charge.
We will barge, at large, in your heart.
This is not the me I use to be.
Skin scarred up in places you cant see.
Went from bow ties,
loose lies,
to noose ties.
Hello, it's me again.
The grim reaper a vigilant sin
Should I stay or let her go?
Better yet...
I'll finish her off with my scythe in the snow.

My night plans appear restless,
The feeling of independence,
It ***** to hear,
Having the people who claim they’ll always be there for you, not prove their worth to you
It hurts, it makes you feel bad.
But, your feelings don’t matter to that person anymore, or do they?
You’re questioning the thought of “I’ll be there for you and you’ll be there for me”,
When in all reality,
That person is living their life perfectly,
Living freely, to the point where it feels like did they ever need me,
Did they ever see me?
So many things I want to take back,
Like the time I wasted on somebody,
The way I felt about people who never cared,
Who never wanted to be there,
People can say things you’d think mean,
But in all efforts, in all reality, those words they speak,
Mean nothing, yeah nothing to me.
Tired of rubbing my eyes,
Feeling like both my eyes are coming out of its sockets,
It’s something real to feel when you can’t sleep like you used to.
When your late night thoughts consume you day by day,
As if things will never change, circumstances will never be the same.
And that’s how we all move on in life,
We’ll meet people who are all talk, won’t prove to be anything,
Then, we’ll meet those who’ll show us different, their presence will feel like no other,
Talk to them for hours without noticing a pause,
No time for breaks, you and they have things settled for life.
And believe me when I say that feeling will feel amazing,
Reflecting back on life, smiling so happily,
So effortlessly,
Have you sit back and wonder how the hell did this happen?
You may think twice about it, laugh when you hear about it the second time,
But it’s true, you’ll find someone who has been fighting for you.
No more sighs or tries,
You won’t have to mend any of that nonsense,
Build no stress upon yourself.
You’ll feel when that person feels for you,
You’ll know what to do,
It’ll come naturally like you’ve been waiting too,
Sitting impatient,
Praying as you should be,
Seeking reassurance to the person above, them responding with the person meant for me.

Looked me in the eyes
Took me to those skies
Loved me through the night.

I knew this for long
You were scared all along.

You knew you'd fall too deep
Just when you began to know me.

But if you'd just let me know
Maybe tonight my heart wouldn't feel this broke.

Trust me i know
How easily you let everything go.

-Dream