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[  ] I don’t know why I’m like this.
[  ] I’m sorry.
[  ] I never meant to hurt you.
[  ] The cruelty slips out,
[  ] and I pretend it’s not mine.

[  ] It’s not on you.
[  ] The storm’s always been mine.
[  ] I’m just someone
[  ] who forgets how to breathe
[  ] until it’s too late.
[  ] And I need help.
[  ] I always have.

[  ] I’m unraveling, quietly.
[  ] I don’t sleep right anymore.
[  ] I don’t smile the same.
[  ] And I’m scared
[  ] of what I’ll lose
[  ] once you see too much.

[  ] You’re the only calm I’ve ever known.
[  ] But I know how this ends.

[  ] I’m not mean because I hate you.
[  ] It’s never been that.
[  ] I just push
[  ] so you’ll run
[  ] before I ruin you.

[  ] I can’t save myself.
[  ] But if I scare you off,
[  ] maybe I can save you
[  ] from becoming part of this mess.

[  ] I want you to stay.
[  ] God, I do.
[  ] But if you stay,
[  ] you’ll see the worst parts
[  ] the ones I bury
[  ] under shaky smiles
[  ] and half-laughed jokes.

[  ] I don’t want to be someone
[  ] you pity.
[  ] I don’t want you
[  ] to hold my pieces
[  ] like they’re yours to carry.
[  ] You don’t deserve that.

[  ] You’re my best friend.
[  ] The only one
[  ] who ever made the dark feel less cruel.
[  ] The only one I wanted to get better for.

[  ] So maybe I need to go quiet.
[  ] Disappear for a while.
[  ] Figure it out.
[  ] Alone.

[  ] Please forgive me
[  ] for being too broken
[  ] to be held.

[  ] I love you.
[  ] I’ll miss you.
[  ] I’m sorry.
This is a poem about self sabotaging relationships- this one is specifically about me and my best friend
You are a two-faced poser, a wanna be,                                                              ­    
                                                                ­                                                          
  a tourist in your life, who are you gonna be?                                              
               ­                                                                 ­                                          
  A Gemini, chameleon, you're a deuce                                                            ­        
                                                        ­                                                    
  everyone you've known you've abused                                                           ­         
                                                       ­                                                                 ­
You've spent whole your life trying to be                                                              
­                                                                 ­                                           
  a real-life person with integrity                                                        ­          
                                                                ­                                                
You're a hater & can't stand to see                                                              ­                
                                                                ­                                            
anyone who's happier than you'll ever be                                                              
                                                                ­                                                      
A ruiner of life, you're a charade                                                          ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­ 
filled with self-loathing & rage                                                             ­                 
                                               ­                                                                 ­        
I wish I could feel bad for you                                                              ­      
                                                                ­                                                  
but you make that difficult to do                                                               ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­        
If you could admit what you've done,                                                            ­      
                                                                ­                                                  
you could have had what you want                                                             ­     
                                                                ­                                                
True to your nature you remain to be,                                                              ­          
                                                      ­                                                                
a backstabbing snake & a wanna be
What life with a narcissist is like.  I am sorry for all of you that are dealing with that.
Lizzie Bevis May 6
Once, I loved with abandon,
like a river flowing wild and free,
with no walls,
no doubts,
no questions,
just with pure possibility.

Now love stalks like a savage beast,
and I am weary of it's teeth.
Trust bleeds through
my painful raw wounds
where hope and fear
fester beneath.

Each time I dare to offer
my beaten and weathered heart,
the past denies,
leaving me empty,
and I often wonder
if I will be enough.

Was the river never wanted
by those searching for mere rain?
My heart,
once soft,
now toughened,
guarding carefully against such pain.

©️Lizzie Bevis
Sythin Voxe May 5
My whole life I’ve been afraid of tornadoes.
I remember the black widows
in the window well outside my bedroom,
and how afraid I was
they would make their way in.

I’d say I was afraid of heights,
and I live in the mountains.
Planes are still a no go.
Ladders make me tremble.
Roller coasters make me anxious.

My blood pressure raises
whenever I go to the doctor.
If a bill is not paid, I can’t sleep.
Highway, overpasses,
icy bridges,
and narrow dirt roads
make me tense.

Losing you is the worst thing I can think of.

But somewhere in there
above dentist offices and being alone at the mall,
but below submarines and black holes
is that little pink line.

When my period is late
and I sit there waiting
for the longest three minutes of the year.
When I start imagining how I’ll tell your mom.
When I imagine the look on your face.

And when the timer goes off
that moment of hesitation
that quiet before the torrent of emotion,
the anticipation that wells up under my diaphragm
the shivers down my spine
and the lump in my throat
for a single glance
To rip it all away.
Trying to conceive for 5 years now. No luck.
polina May 5
Sharing your pain is the cure for a great deal of pain
Scars that turn into melodies; wounds into stories
Gaping holes into beautiful forests, and broken hands
Into hearts that cradle your soul

Sharing your pain and watching others perceive it
Is the balm to a lot of misery, a promise that
No matter what, you’re not alone
And there are people wandering those forests with you
Holding your heart in their careful hands
Broken Halos May 3
We drift within vanished memories, our obscured
individuality.
Each experience —
a hollow fragment of oneself we can't hold.
Our hands though clasped,
can never tangle into one.
No storm could shatter the walls each long hold.

Our souls orbit in polyphony,
never quite colliding.
Intimacy pirouettes at the extremity of an abyss–
silently.
A fissure runs between two hearts
beating synchronously,
yet searching solitude.
Our hearts–
a silent sea where longing wanders away.

I trace the marks on your face,
quietly, deeply.
Hoping a map could lead to the depths,
of your soul.
But I am trapped in shadows of uncertainty,
where words flounder
and secrets lie.
We lean towards one another,
yet inwardness no matter how close–
guarantees a distance.

Perhaps we aren't lovers but actors playing.
Here I am lying –
in the void of emptiness,
refusing to accept that distance kills intimacy.
In my mind,
remains fragments of our memories.
Maybe we never truly found love–
only lost in each other's embrace.

@noirwhisky
Its somehow related to the writer itself it feels like one situation in our relationship with my bf, though we are with each other I feel like we're detached emotionally, like how i perceived things as different from others, we see things differently, like if i tell him what i feel, he'll view it in a different way In his own consciousness, in his own world, the writer feels that the barriers which separates them in loving each other, is their own individuality, though they're close with each other they never expresses their self truly. The writer weren’t sure if it’s love or not, but deep down, beneath the deepest part of her heart lies the unspoken wish. Hoping it's true even if it's really not.
Is it that you aren't up to the task                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                        
  or maybe you are too afraid to ask,                                                             ­                 
                                               ­                                                                 ­     
    when you see that I'm falling apart                                                            ­              
                                                                ­                                                  
that I detect apathy in your heart?                                                           ­ 
                                                                ­                                                    
Was our love real or was I wrong                                                            ­                      
                                                                ­                                                        
have you always been stringing me
along?                                                  
        ­                                                                 ­                                               
I thought you were always going to
be                                                          
    ­                                                                 ­                                   
someone who would be there for
me                                                               ­               
                                                 ­                                                                 ­
I've been truthful & true to
you,                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                  
had your back when you felt
abused                                                           ­         
                                                       ­                                                               
 ­ A shoulder to cry on when in need,                                                  
                                                                ­                                                  
I've patched you up
repeatedly                                                       ­               
                                                                ­                                                  
but every time I have fallen down,                                                            ­          
                                                      ­                                                          
  you let me lay there on the
   ground                                                           ­       
                                                                ­                                                     
 It was easier for you to walk
away,                                                            ­              
                                                  ­                                                              
than to be support for me &
stay                                                             ­                     
                                                                ­                                                        
  I think deep down I 've always
known                                                            ­        
                                                                ­                                                     
  that your true colors have
shown                                                            ­      
                                                          ­                                                              
I was too in love with love to
see                                                              ­                                            
 that you never stood beside me
The blade's edge, a younger ghost,
not life sought, nor a plea for most.
Not death's dark call, though lies might claim,
but love's few faces held a different flame.
Five souls tethered, a fragile thread,
for them, this burning building, I'd instead
stand, and let the slow char begin,
than leap to safety, and let their horror spin.
They see the hurt, but time, they say, will mend.
Yet roots of pain, where do they end?
If need itself, a human core,
becomes the wound that festers evermore?
Why does love, the lauded, wished-for prize,
so often end in tear-stained skies?
One lost to death, the other left to grieve,
a pain I recoil from, I can't believe.
So let me wound myself, they'll call it mad.
Perhaps it is, this path I've sadly had.
The truest gift, a love I'll never find,
no name to whisper, no touch to bind.
Did you see it then, this twisted grace?
Does love still wear the same familiar face?
Alea Zimmer May 1
Everyone has scars

It's what defines us

Sets us apart

'It makes you unique, ' They say

But you can't see my scars.

The battles I faced

The dragons I slayed

Every morning is harder then the last

Each smile is more strained

The mirror that once screamed

is silent

I look at the cuts

some deep

some not

but all invisible

unnoticed

In some way

I am like a scar

no matter how hard I try

how deep I go

I'm invisible

unnoticed
TheLees May 1
Splinters from a dead tree, afloat at sea,
burrow into my neck,
jolting me awake at sunset,
reminding me that the thorns serve
to keep us looking to the horizon
for a softer place to lay.

Maybe life can drift. Maybe it can float by,
like wood that forgot it was part of a forest.
I too was torn from the forest,
adrift without the ones
who once held me steady.

But then,
in the blur of a mirage,
I’d land on pain’s shore.
And I’m sure
that life, out on that log,
was gentler than this:
fire ants, rocky beaches,
the carcass of a beached whale,
and creatures that never found their way
back to the sea.
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