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Thomas W Case Jul 2021
When people annoy me with their
constant complaining or their
non stop arguing, or even worse,
their illogical demands:
"For the last time, you can't buy
***** with food stamps."  Or,
"There is no way a crow took the
rent money out of your hands and
flew off with it."

What I do is close my eyes and
pretend they're squirrels chattering
in squirrel language.  
Then they don't bother me so much.
I just want to reach out and pet them,
or give them a handful of nuts.
It's not hard; half of them look
like squirrels anyway.
Michael Jun 2021
Wrong Way Andrew and Wrong Way Mike,
will misunderstand you but that's alright.
You have a great big chasm you wanna get across.
They'll get you over it, but they'll also get you lost.
Got you on a boat, but that's okay.
This time they said they know a faster way.
Guess these two are finally on the ball-
Whoops!  They led you down a waterfall!
Splish Splish Splashin!  You fight with all your might!
An alligator's comin as you stare at it in fright!
But Wrong Way Andrew and Wrong Way Mike,
split before the gator even got its first bite.
Two clumsy leaders
Michael May 2021
"**** stupid raccoons!"
An angry man, ****** at everything in the moment
fiercely kicked his dumped-over trash can into the street, as he stared enraged at the mess of thrown out crap that laid open
for all to see.
A neighbor seeing his crazy fit of rage jested,
"You know, trash cans have feelings too."

To which the angry man replied,
"Yeah!  And they should feel like garbage!"
Nicole Apr 2021
Down in the grassy meadow
in the stump of an ancient tree,
surrounded by clandestine hedgerows,
lived the indolent Ms. Molly McGee.

She was a prickly sort of gal,
with a long, cold, pointy snout.
She rocked all day in her chair,
and sniffed everyone out.

So beady, small, and blackened
her wily eyes fool most anyone,
but only she knew her secret news:
Her eyesight was all gone!

Covered in sharp quills from her head to her ****,
she displayed such a thorny demeanor
Under the solitary crescent moon, she sighed,
"I guess I could always be meaner."
Michael Apr 2021
The Knock-Knock Man.
I'm the Knock-Knock Man.
When you're upset I can lend a hand,
cause the Knock-Knock Man is who I am.

When your luck's gone down,
and got you feelin' blue,
I'll say "Knock-Knock."
and you say, "Who?"
You'll get the joke once you understand,
no one ever laugh's with the
Knock-Knock Man.
An ode to bad knock-knock jokes.
Ryan Clark Dec 2012
O' what a joyous day
to be of the living
and take the bounty of existence!
For who can deny such serenity?

The blossoms are in bloom.
Animals frolic in the wilderness.
The air is sweet and rich;
proof that life is wonderful.

There is no rush!
So savor this occasion.
There is nothing to be ruined
on a day such as this.

That is, unless
A 20ft ghillie monster
eats your face off
*Who wouldn't be hungry at this hour?
I thought I'd take a break from all the unnecessarily "deep" poems I pump out and have some fun. Post Your own additions you'd like to see in this poem and I'll put em in there.
Ryan Clark Apr 2015
Sumer, Winter
shine, or rain,
Doesn't matter
its all the same.
Miles are miles.
They have nothing to say.
Littered with sweat;
Haunted by pain

Our backs are broken
Knees begin to give out
Blister upon blister;
yet none fall out
We are to tired to gripe,
so onward we  roam
into the night.

For all of our troubles;
all of our plight
Its just another day
that burdens no ones mind.
Thankless tasks
that consume our lives
If only we knew
When we signed those lines.

Birthdays,
Christmas,
Turkey dinner,
Weddings,
and funerals
replaced by miles,
burnt out bodies,
and restless hearts

For What?

We stare at other soldiers
and wonder why,
we alone
are bastardized.
After all,
does god not love the Infantry?  
Nay...
****** fools are we

It will never change.
It is
as it always will be.
A few good men
herded
straight to the butcher.
Paraded
like cattle.

Its funny though.
Given a second chance
I'd still wear my blue chord
Standing again an Infantryman.
For all of the ****,
For all of the take
I'd rather be a broken *******
than a *****.
I had some time today and came up with this. Please dont be offended by the last line, its a very common Infantry mentality that I wished to  emphasize. If you don't under stand try not to give it much though and pass this poem up.
Anais Vionet Jul 2020
So
hot
cute
smart
cuddly
Dances
attentive
seductive
accessible
Sy­mpatico
intoxicating
mesmerizing
college bound
straightforward
smart as a whip
eager to please
always on time
100% truthful
pleasurable
enthralling
incredible
*******
funniest
gen­tle
sweet
****
soft
fun
some observed boyfriend qualities in a humorous bell curve shape
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