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kohu May 4
breathing closed
heart tight, trembling
tears turned the world to glass,
edges sharp, light bent,
everything slipping

tearing through the dark,
sharp screams cutting through,
hands clawing for the blade,
no pause, no thought,
just ache, just hunger

a flash —
the cuts came swift,
red blooming beneath skin,
in smooth, soft lines,
then the fall,
the flow and the drip

fingers wet with sorrow,
tongue tasting iron prayers,
smearing grief
across closed lips,
quiet, feral

wrap the arm,
but still it seeps,
slow,
steady,
seeping, seeping,
until the breaking,
until the flood,

and i disappear beneath it.
kohu Feb 27
i miss bleeding
i miss the thin red lines
i miss the sting under water
i miss the comfort the blade brought
i miss the hurt
i miss the blood
i miss…
feeling justified

the pain i went through and the pain im in now means nothing
because i dont have any more red lines
just white ones
even when they were red
they werent deep enough
werent good enough
so im not worth it
i dont need that much help
im lazy
i need to try harder
other people have it worse
other peoples lines are worse
*******

you make me miss the blood
everything that hurts makes me
miss the thin red lines
fifty at once
soothing cat scratches
little drops of blood
to feel better

but

i dont need help
i dont deserve help
is that what you all think?
that i dont try?
i try so hard
but its still not good enough
the days i need help
im not good enough
i need to be independent
im not allowed to ask for help
i hate you
i hate everyone
i hate everything

all i want is my red lines back
they may have not been good enough for you
but they were for me
so *******
no one cares

ill get my blade
ill cut once
and feel the sting
its not so bad
so ill do it again
and again
and again
and thirty more times
and ill feel that good sting
see the pretty blood

and ill feel better
ill be better
ill be worth the help
just a vent
kohu Mar 7
im livid, writhing with rage
my head is jumbled and aching
no pills, no sleep—i am devoured

because i give and give and give
and they take and rip and shred

rip the flesh, rip the bone
take the arteries
from my heart
steal my blood, flee away

im drowning, im burning
my head is slipping, fracturing
hands clawing at my throat

water like fire takes my air
i can’t breathe, i can’t rest
and my lungs burn
before they’re taken too

my limbs contort, twist, then crack
i try to carve my way out
but im buried deep
tendrils coiled, unbreaking

raging, writhing, war in my head
i feel the lumps press against my skull
i crave to dig them out
my hands grip my hair
nails sinking in

but i fail
sinking deeper, heavy limbs
lungs rupture, body thrashes
the current pulls, the dark consumes
in the end
im wailing in water
a vent because i ******* hate the world and want to rip my body apart
Finn Dec 2021
When I'm left to myself
My wrists tingle
And I vividly see what it would like like
To scratch and scratch,
until blood flowed like a river
To pry my nails from my body,
with a squelching sound
To pull my teeth with pliers,
feeling the roots' empty place
To stab pencils into my thighs,
and leave them in the contracting muscles
To pour acid down my back,
and feel it burning and bubbling and the tissues peeling off
To scoop out my eyes,
and finally be blind to the world,
with crimson tears running down my face
Lisapotamus Jan 2021
Graphic*
The words you say slash down
To my bones
Knowing now that all of it was a lie.
I'll never leave
You'll never lose me
I can't lose you
Lies.
Each memory sharpens the knife edge before it comes down, tearing flesh from my body. Letting a ****** waterfall of memory cascade from my life.
Every moment.
Good or bad.
A new weapon for my own mind to use against my spirit, carving away all the joy that had rebuilt.
I wonder.
How are we to come back together from this?
After all the love, passion and meaning....
Lover to friends seems empty.
Flimsy.
Leaving my soul a hollow tree burned out in a fire that can't be banished but is somehow gone.
The questions in my heart beat through the day and night.
Rhythmically.
A constant reminder that this torment will never end.
cleo Dec 2020
i look at you and
my heart begins to flutter wildly
creating a certain heat inside of me, beneath my skin
my heart swells and swells
until it bursts, ripping my chest open and spraying my guts
against the surrounding walls in a thin layer of glittering entrails

a masterpiece of carnage and gore
practically glistening in the morning sunlight
so dazzling, i barely even notice the smell of my sizzling flesh
as the golden sun rays rain down on my ruptured organs,
transforming them into a puddle of bubbling crimson brew

my legs turn numb and i collapse to the floor
in a pile of bones and blood

oh how you make me MELT .
just for fun
Shley Sep 2020
Who knows why you finally did it?
The pain of living felt worse than death.
So decisive and certain you were.
A gun's swift act took your last breath.

I hope you have peace in the life beyond.
So young yet your pain had grown too great.
Did you not know there's still so much hope?
Could no one soothe the wounds in your heart?

Now I work to keep your body alive.
Your soul has long left its source of pain.
I watch your parents sit and weep,
Crying to have their child back again.

Would you have done it if you knew what came after?
For your family, the picture will always stay fresh.
Your face unrecognizable to those who knew you.
Your skull a mutilated mass of flesh.

Yet still there is hope at the end of this nightmare.
Others may find life through your demise.
Each ***** a lifeline for a soul in the balance.
But that does not comfort your parent's cries.

Do I sob in grief or rejoice in new life?
As I continue to keep a body working.
I feel the weight of the duty I carry.
The guardian of both the end and beginning.

I wish you and your family all comfort and peace.
I go home and leave the work behind.
But I could never forget what I saw in these days.
The sights and smells have their place in my mind.
Processing...A mix of heartbreak and hope.
Hello Daisies May 2020
If you've never been molested
If you think it's no big deal
If you think it's the victims fault
If you think we're just attention seekers

Just know this
I've been dead since I was a child
I can't recall who I was
Or who I ever will be
I can't feel anything
I'm completely empty

I see shadows
Of monsters and demons
I pray to a god I may not believe in
I can't trust anyone
Not even my own family

I block out my memories
Only to bleed through my dreams
I can't breathe if someone touches me
I'm shaking endlessly
I'm unable to love

I can't be loved
It was taken from me
When their hand went into me
I was broken
By a man who got sympathy

Where's my sympathy?
Where's my healing
Where's my it's not your fault
They gave it to him
Let him sin
With a grin
While I'm here
Sinking
Into darkness

I only let monsters hold me
I'm afraid of the light
I'm disgusting and it's always my fault
How everything went wrong

I'm so sorry
That you're disgusting disgrace
Touched my innocent face
Forced me into a shadow
Peeled my skin from me
Shed me into insanity
I looked so cute in my bathing suit huh

And noone ever came
They never stopped it
Always ignored
Always devoured
So please understand
I will never heal
I will never deal
And I will continue to peal
Until my body dies
Along with my soul
Quarentine has my trauma raised up and I have been denying it this entire time but I guess it's really hitting me tonight
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