I saw her
My lip quivered
And my heart stopped

I saw her
The earth fell
And crashed into the abyss

I saw her
Realizing the chaos
As it shattered from her glimpse

I saw her
Looking into me
And regarding my essence

I saw her
Eyes piercing me
And I was petrified by her kindness

I saw her
Breathed in death
And the last of all beautiful things was seen

Have you ever realised how close a heart is to an egg?
When broken, shards are discarded, nonchalance remains.
What? So you broke an egg there's eleven more in the carton.
But, I don't have a dozen hearts.
When a heart breaks it takes more
than all the King's horses and all the King's men
to put my uneven heart back together again.

Hearts are caged like battery hens,
yet when free to roam they roost in the wrong home.
Affairs of the heart clot it's valves, congeals like a cold yolk.
Here, have a dozen roses, feel better?
I'd rather a dozen eggs, then when one breaks it's replaced
Bards and harps write and sing of the heart strings
never the cracks a heart, whilst broken brings.

It's funny:
Until now I couldn't imagine dependency on substances.
I didn't know how to imagine addiction.
Couldn't imagine a Routine in Smoke

But for the first time I got just to the edge--
went only a bit beyond.
And then I forgot.
I forgot to worry
my head like a puff of cottonwood
I didn't even have a backburner on
Simmering the responsibility
the inability
the fragility
of my self.

When I woke up it was back.
I had worry rushing to fill my head because it had
to make up for Lost Time.
and i wish i never had to stop Losing Time.