Shield your eyes, don't look my way.
Keep your words hushed, pretend it's okay.
Speak about, who you think I am.
The life I live, and the world I'm in.
Once my back's turned, point and talk.
You think you know me, and how I walk.
Place your labels, upon my scars.
Act like you know, what the reasons are.
Use choice words, and shift the blame.
And then shelter yourself, from feelings of shame.
Live your life, with me as your joke.
Never regret, the words you spoke.
The day will come, and this too shall pass.
Just like your ignorance, and being an ***.
But it seems, the days pass too slow.
And the nights come, with little hours to go.
The nightmare begins, as the sun rises.
A never ending hell, full of surprises.
I only wish, the end was near.
Hello happiness, and goodbye fear.
But the lesson in life, is that it goes on.
Filled with pain, just like our favorite song.
So we keep moving on, through mountains of snow.
With so much before us, and little hours to go.

Sticks and stones
May break my bones
But words will never hurt me

And if they do
You’d have no clue
They leave no scars in reality

Yet in my head
The words they said
Are spreading like wildfire

When I explain
All my pain
They brush it off as satire

Just to prove
What they do
I paint my arms with scarlet

They say it’s me
But in reality
It’s them that are the artists.

the color has drained from my face
the light is gone behind my eyes
Ive stopped sleeping
Soon I'll stop eating
and then a relapse

I'll take out that thin silver blade
The one that only I know about
its hidden in a place
no one would look

I'll place it against my skin
and push
then pull
and all of this pain
will flow from my veins
onto the ground
a crimson river

but if it flows too long
or too fast
not only will the pain leave
but the euphoria will start
And before I know it
my arm is covered in gashes
ones that I won't be able to explain

And then
I feel the colors return
and the light flickers back on
and I am happy

so, fine
self harm isn't healthy
but it makes me happy
so why do you take it away?

Oh how I long for a blade,
Rubber bands don't do the trick.
A sting that feels so temporary,
Uncontrolled so goes the flick.

Oh how I long for a blade,
This welt is just not enough.
Repeatedly striking against my wrist,
Skin recognizes the bluff.

Oh how I long for a blade,
Cold stream of red is not the same.
Ice shrinking from inside my thigh,
So close to the origin of shame.

Oh how I long for a blade,
Effortlessly I watch it glide.
Numb to the demons that are within,
Another day I will not die.

Slowly pressure rises,
Intensity growing.
Water starts to dance,
Anxious and on edge.

Bubbles drift upward,
Heat building.
Steam begging to escape,
Aching and fed up.

Too much to take now,
Kettle screaming.
Rush over to lift it off,
Stove glowing hot and red.

Poured into a deep mug,
Tea steeping.
Feel it comfort from within,
Relaxed and at ease.

you know i still love you
but i will always hate you too
for so many reasons
leaving me alone at 6 on friday nights till 2am the next day
i never ate enough
you never noticed
i never did my homework and lied saying i did
you hardly checked
i hurt myself
you never noticed
but your my dad, i can't just only hate you
but i feel the need to
cause the pain you put me in
i will never forget
the phone calls that i have to initiate with a text
im sorry im a bad child
im so sorry im ****** up
and im sorry you don't know how to parent
im sorry i love my mom more than i'll ever love you
thanks for not being there for me now
or ever
you have gotten worse as the years went by
but i love you dad
you know i do
you just don't know how much i hate you
thanks for kinda raising me
you yelled
i cried
you drank
i cut
you left
i attempted suicide
you slept
i drank
you went out
i stayed up till you got home
im sorry but i feel the need to say goodbye
to the father i wished you were
so i finally accept the real father you are