I just want
To go on
A freakin’ vacation
Far away
Just to be outside of my
Head

i didn't know i could love you so much
my heart is filled to the brim
and every breath is a grab for air.

i didn't know the mere thought of your passing
would ******* me so,
wrenching open my deepest parts
and laying them bare.

i didn't know i could love you so
until the pain of a loss,
yet to come,
burrows deep and won't let go.

As I tell my story
Of my stigma
And of my past
I release
The squirrels
Out of my head
And into the Wild.  



Where they belong.

To any
Angry
Women
To any
Heartbroken
Women
To any traumatized
Women
Out there
There is an outlet
Art
And writing.
Do these to things
They shall take
The edge of the emotions
They shall heal you.

Faint whispers in the day and dark.
Smiles fade into clever camouflage as the truth builds walls miles high.
Mirror tells lies, and truths I can't stand to observe.
Body rejects sustinace; swipe left, try again tomorrow.
Mind glossed in walls that reverberate, ever growing louder.
Skin crawls like a million earthworms worms dreaming of becoming butterflies.
Decaying in plain site, hidden behind a thousand "okays" and "alrights."
Verbatim honesty escapes my tounge.
Soul ever inching toward the light.

When you grow with a hole inside you
It doesn’t get smaller
It grows with you
Black pit that seems endless

You put things inside
Friends, clothes, make-up, stories you’ve read
All of them drown
Too heavy not to fall

You try to fill it with dirt
Quick romance, alcohol, distractions
They seem to fly over it
Never even touching  

This black hole doesn’t like
Memories you would better forget
It only eats those
Which keep you calm

You live next to it
Around it
Sitting on the bank
Wandering how long is the way down

You had expected to get rid of it
As you grew up
Yet it seems like this is your only friend
Always staying by your side

You often feel alone, especially here
There is no one beside you inside your head
Only you and this dark hole
Taking more and more space

You’ve considered letting go
Finding how far is the way
Maybe you will sprout wings
Pearly feathers dancing around

You will then fly away
Forget about  the past
Reach this promised land
You only visit in your dreams

But you know that it’s a one-way road
Only leading deeper and deeper inside
Even know you are too deep
And you don’t know if it’s worth the risk

So you sit next to it
Dreaming of wings and better worlds
One day you may take a leap down
But it’s not today