Tr a i  l   s of a br o  k   e    n he a  r   t .  . .
T    a   l  es o f a b     r    o   k  en h    e   a  rt . .  .
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Hearts break and it surely hurts when they do
Constant feelings of regret
So many unfulfilled wishes
Wishes for an immediate remedy
Even when the heart is not ready
Not ready to love again
But it hurts when the heart breaks
And the wishes are all about wishing for new love
New love to soothe the fresh wounds
New love to cover the scars
Scars from the past disappointments
But because of the newly lost love,
Missed appointments,
Rejected calls and non-replied texts.
Less hours of work and increased time of not being productive
Reduced creativity and more feeling of loneliness
All because of what you once had but can't now dare to wish for

When the heart breaks,it surely hearts
And it takes a brave one to survive
We've heard many stories of them that din't manage
Suicidal thoughts that were fulfilled
Overdoses that were self-administered
And former lovers that were sacrificed
All because of lost love
I wish to belong in a world where we would find our love once and for all
With no worries about disappointment or heartbreak
No worry of finding your only ONE with your so-called best-friend
All this because I love love and love to be loved back
But every heartbreak makes it hard to love again

you didn't blow up my world. you didn't. losing you didn't feel like the apocalypse and there's no way i'm crying over you. two years of holding your calloused hands in mine wasn't the highlight of my life. seeing your hair fade from deep rich shades of purple to a light airy lavender never made my heart stop. i can't even remember how many times i had to remind myself that you were even mine. because you wouldn't do it for me.

i learned how much you love to hold on. your knuckles are white. your room is full to bursting with little useless things and i never once wondered why you don't throw them away. you don't know me better than i know myself. i can't pick you out from a crowd and right now i don't want to. the fact that you broke up with me over text doesn't bother me anymore. or at least that's the story i'm going with this time. i already forgot the exact words you said.

you didn't blow up my world, you tilted it on it's axis. the day i lost you was the day the world kept going on without me instead of ending like it was supposed to. i can't cry over you because i can't even breathe. years with you have shown me that my life is all highlighted. you make even my broken childhood feel like a dream. the ever shifting color of your hair never stopped my heart because it could only go faster and faster to keep pace with your laugh as i twisted it around my fingers. you never reminded me in words, you did it with your sure steady gaze as you walked me all the way to the end of your driveway when i had to go.

you love holding on to broken things because you're worried that no one else will love them. that's why you held on to me. and you will never know me like i know me because you always believed me to be better than i am. you made me see the light in myself even after i called myself a black hole. i see you in every place we used to share and i don't ever want to pick you from a crowd because i'm scared i'll run to you. i don't remember what you said when you let me go because i'm still holding on. my knuckles are white too.

and i'm so sorry that i don't hate you