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Luna Dec 2018
Another landmark added
To my skin
I seem to have done it again

Under the harsh light
That falls from the solitary bulb

I bend the pocket knife
Just above the wrist
And
Watch with hallow eyes
As it bleeds

Out of my arms
Into the tiles,
Unto the floor

Blood,
Oh blood, so red.
I marvel at how red it always
Remain
Never matter if it’s a
Razor or knife I use
To draw it
It’s always red
And
I half expect
It to be black

Black like charcoal,
Charcoal which paints my ruins

I can die nine times
Alas, this one only being the fifth

How long can I keep up
With this air
Being ****** out of me
Day by day,
Second by second
I push anyone
Who comes too close
To me

Afraid I might damage
Them too

Like I damage myself
In every life
When I dabble
In hellfire.
Lydia Jan 2018
I found my boots where I discarded them five hours ago when I left for work
I shouldn't have been surprised- I knew I had put them there
I just usually don't

My boss was still around when I got there
He put me on an hour earlier for Fridays, so I suppose I'll see him every once in awhile now
When it's just a little too early for him to go home

I hate leaving for seven am in the dark with my hair wet
Distant shuffling noises, echoed ghosts of late last night
Shadows I can't understand
Only cut through by kind people who make breakfast when I can't pull myself together

Our habitat is warm- it surrounds me like a rainforest exhibit in a museum
Somehow not unfamiliar, or exotic,
Exactly like you expected,
Exactly like the pictures

I fell asleep at noon when I got home
Late nights to early mornings to interviews for a real job
Late nights to early mornings to nursing classes
So it goes

I don't remember when my socks came off
When I crawled into bed
When I woke up half alive
I wouldn't have remembered to leave for work at all if I hadn't set an alarm late last night when I got home

"I can't believe I'm doing this."
No time at home, just notes and then more notes and then
Sleep, I guess
Sleep and work and sleep at work as long as I'm on break
Not breaking focus, eyes on some sort of goal I can't quite see yet
But it's there, I know it's there, I've heard it, like a rumor spread so many **** times you can't help but believe it like the most obvious fact
So I'm here, straight as an arrow
Shorts on, notebook out, letting my tea seep into my spirit and fill in all the cracks before I start over
First of all, can anyone guess my current (part time, think high school/college student) job? Tomorrow I submit my application for a nursing assistant program. I have had OCD since I was ten, causing me to fear contamination more than anything. It is also an extra month of trying to save money from work and balanxe classes at the same time. So I'm laying here in bed and could finally finish this poem with the added inspiration, "I can't believe I'm doing this." Please comment! :)
kayla Jun 2017
5's
1
2
3
4
5

I count things in 5’s

one cat
two cat
three cat
hula hoop
tote bag

My notes are organized Cornell style
but it can’t fill the void you left.

Light switch
one slipper
two slippers
lotion
candle

I’ve got my life organized down to the the minutes
but you aren’t in any of them.

Long distance.
We’ll see.
Ash Saveman Apr 2015
Louder
The music has to go louder

Loud isn't loud enough

I need their screams to wash out the voices on my head

I need the screeches to cover the burning of my soul

It's not enough
It's never enough
It'll never be enough

I can still hear myself
I don't want to hear myself

My soul eats at me
I need my mind to be overpowered

It can't get loud enough
Nothing covers the burning inside
Each though is a shard knife digging through my mind

Paranoid schizophrenic
Borderline
Bipolar
Depressed
OCD
Anxiety

I am not a human
I am a list of problems
And therefore I must leave

— The End —