In two days my first book of poems will finally be published.
Although extremely happy, proud, and relieved; I'm also very sad.
Sad that my hearts' secrets are no longer secrets- sad that my book, my relationship and my love is finally resolved,ended, and in my past. It's also exhausting because it may be taken in the negative light and avoid all of the love. Or perhaps I will be judged harshly by my peers for being vulnerable and honest about my heart. I'm publishing it with positive energy and hope for well received thoughts.
However, no matter the reception, I will keep writing- it's in my veins and in my heart.
I can't keep apologizing for who I am- as I am no longer ashamed of being myself.

a skateboard rolling down the road
simple things, lovely- old.
reminds me
of you & I
times we've smile
and many we've cried.

A little piece of my heart,
of past,
present,
and future.

To my ears you are a song,
to my wounds, a suture.

I see a man, with the eyes of a child I'd once known
years doubled over, past
and look how we've grown.

bitter-sweet memories
written down for you to see

*but, I know you already know.

Fixed on salad ******* armpit ****
Passionate diaper ***** dodging queefs
**** fat farts and **** sipping
Squiggly nips dangling from a pig
coffee spitting ***** kids with sticks
sticking sticky ***** in **** like a *****
*** cream pageant queens spewing ****
Chris Kringle's candy cane **** tip dripping on lips
sweet **** water for your daughter
******* to Aaron Carter
**** the rest
I'm all out of ******* to step on
best be getting home to *** on my own chest
test the taste and throw out the rest
I tickle my intestines till I **** out hot stew
putrid black goo with nut chunks and fiber skins
stretching ball skin over my **** rim till it's all one
sack
use bread and sauce from a snack pack to make a sack
sandwich
hold the lettuce between my cheeks and toss my own salad
picturing *** ramming ***** spewing out tasty *****
gluey pools of chlorine smelling salty bliss
I picture gargling ***** while lesbians crawl all over me
vibrating fake skin ***** deep in my **** cave
if you misbehave I'll rip off your face while I squeeze your
**** in my teeth and make you sit on my face after you clean
your *** crease bleached and sweet

my dear friend Mija,
your voice is quiet and sweet
and you see a lot of truth
inside and out
breaking out of your shell, you have a lot to tell
you're not done yet and I'm eager
to see the rest of your journey
you've inspired me to create and see things beautifully
truthfully, your mind is a goldmine
I've taken the time to pray you stay safe
and have been keeping myself in a really good place
I hope you are too and soon I'll find out
we'll talk about things we both care about
this summer I've done things the way that I choose
I wrote lot's of poems,
but this one's for you
<3

This place is haunted,
whatever lives here will ne-
ver rest. All our dreams
fall down a wishing
well to the place that does not
sleep. I am long dead,
a floating, empty vessel.
I am not alone.
I will never wake nor close
my red eyes because
my friends and I stay
here, always, forever in
the house that never
                                                                                                                      rests.

I felt broken today
I felt as if everyone who looked at me saw how torn I was
As if they were counting how many pieces of him were stuck in my skin like broken glass
Little bits and pieces stuck everywhere he ever touched me
How can they possibly count them all

How easy it would be,
To cry myself to sleep
After a bad day.
But I won't.
Even when I'm all alone.
I tell myself I'm too strong to cry.
But the truth is,
I'm saving these bad day tears
For a special moment.
The day the dam will burst.
The worst day of my life.
The day I lose you.
And it has not come yet.

So how did I become the kind of person that I am
By changing every part of me I couldn't understand
I wonder what I'll find inside the skin that I suspend
Or maybe what I've lost is more apparent in the end
And where is all the evidence I carried on my back
The weight of it has turned it into something inexact
A haziness pervading what I once believed to be
The only inconsistency I wanted to perceive
Secure in all my shakiness but never unaware
That I was going down a road that wasn't even there
And maybe in my head I thought I'd save a place for you
Until I came to realize that's something I can't do