The way i see it, we each have plans,
of which the end goals do not align,
and that's fine.

Im happy to spend time with you,
I feel it will be well wasted.

The first few rain drops are magic
The quiet pitter patter of childrens feet
Faeries jumping on trampolines
Then silence
The calm before the storm
Literally
It swells and the air feels tight
Electricity dances through every hair on every inch of my skin
I choke on the anticipation
I wait and i shake
The atmosphere is thick
Planes sound like earth quakes
The raindrops fall faster now
Harder by the second
A waterfall pours from the skies
A waterfall pours from my eyes
Sweet release
I fall apart and allow mother nature to cleanse me of my dreams
Of my memories of you
Of your hair under your hat and the way your voice breaks my heart
Your eyes piercing green and the ripple of the river below our feet
I love that version of you with every ounce of my being but that is not the man before me
Im not sure you ever really were
Like the train in the distance you fade
And the last few raindrops are magic

If someone were to make you, where would they begin?
Would they need a bowl, a cookie sheet, or some kind of molded tin?
Would you be sweet, a little sour, or even have a kick?
Would it be the knife that cut you, or the spoon from which they lick?
Would they start with cream to soften, or flour to make you thick?
Would the eggs just make you runny, or would they make you stick?
Would you need lemon zest, or pepper flakes, or chocolate chips?
Would you melt inside their mouths, or would you burn their lips?
Would you rise inside an oven, or would you boil above a flame?
Would they have memorized the recipe, or would they only know the name?

I'm sick of burying my friends.

I'm sick of saying that I'm sick of burying my friends.

I'm sick of planning ******* candle light vigils.

I'm sick of funerals, sick of grief, sick of the hole in my chest that keeps getting bigger.

We are so young. How are so many of us already dead? Why is it that every few months, someone that I love leaves this Earth?

It's not fair.

I'm sick of saying it's not fair.

I'm sick of "I wish i got to see you under better circumstances, but I missed you." I'm sick of crying. I'm sick of watching friends and parents and spouses and children cry. I'm sick of reminiscing on stories and looking at photos from lifetimes ago, when things were simple and we were happy.

I'm sick of "they'll always be with you."

I'm sick of "they live on through us."

I wish they'd just live.

I don't want to count the crows
Don't want to focus on my woes
When life has me in it's throws
I don't need another omen

I don't want to watch the stars
And wonder where you are
I'd rather you pick up the call
Than hear the line ring open

I don't want to hear that voice
Telling me that you made a choice
When we should just rejoice
Instead of stand here frozen

I don't want to say goodbye
I want you to be alright
Don't want to beg the open sky
Or cry a ******* ocean

I don't want to count the crows
I want you to come home
Without you, you must know
How many hearts will be broken

It's the same broken record, why can't I take it off the track
I give so much of myself and I receive nothing back
Unimportant, I just want to be a priority
But you always have an excuse for what you lack

I must really be whack to have to beg for your attention and time
Shouldn't have to ******* sit here trying to find a way to rhyme
The way you make me feel like I don't matter
I'm sick of the constant disappointment and asking why

Don't wanna cry, don't wanna have to track you down because you lie
Don't want to have to call the bartender to see if you're still inside
You should just ******* keep your word
I show you how much it hurts me, atleast you apologize

But you don't change, the ******* stays the same
The disappointment remains and I try to build a case
To leave you, cut ties, move on with my life
But for some God forsaken reason i need you, it's strange

Why do I do this to myself? I must be crazy, I probably need some ******* help
I'm disgusted by how much I love you when you leave me on a shelf
To go about your day, I don't matter to you
But you say I do, then you cop a ******* attitude

As if I did something wrong, are you serious?
You can't manipulate me I've seen all this before
I know all the red flags and you're holding a lot more than I even care to ******* admit, I'm sick of it
I wish I had the strength, I gave you a rock but should've told you to kick it

Belligerent, at the bar all ******* hours, while I'm sitting home alone crying dreaming about the life i wish could be ours.
You leave a sour taste in my mouth, my hands shake in anger over the words I can't get out
I'm tired