I am in love.
Yes, I admit I am in love.
But it brings me so much disgust that I am head over heels.
I think of him every waking moment and he is even in my head before bed.
It stings my heart that I want him so much, but I don't feel the same wanting from him.

Many times I tell myself "that is how love works".

But I've had enough heartaches.
I know my limit now.
As much as I am in love with you I'm sorry but I have to love myself more this time.

I walk the streets,
Passing by strangers,
Exchanging glances and awkward smiles...

My arms wrapped around my own body
Trying to give warmth to myself,
Trying to stop the intense wind from blowing me away...

The street lights flicker and...
    your scent...  
                          your scent...     ling-....
                                                       ­            -ers...
                                                 Lingers....
Memories flow with each foot step.

Your scent lingers...
Your scent lingers...
Your scent lingers...

My eyes brightens,
My heart beats wild,
My mouth curls into a smile,
Sadly followed by a sigh...

I sigh as your scent lingers,
And I cannot hold you....
Not even your fingers.

So much in me wants to get out,
So much in me wants to hide
I think I am worst than Jekyll and Hyde.

My blood rushes in,
The current is pulling,
Tides are high.
I cannot understand myself.
How can I stand myself?

I am being eaten by my own sorrow,
trying to be my own hero.

My eyes are tired,
but still they seek you
My ears are ringing,
but still they long for your voice
My arms are bruised,
but still they will always hold you
My feet are numbed from walking,
but still they will follow you

This love is very sacrificial
I'm beginning to think this is superficial
What do you possess
That makes me so obsessed
Your hair, your eyes, your smile?

You.
You with the cunning look
You with the deceiving smile,
You.

You have no right to be in this mind
You have no right to be in this heart
You have no right to say "she's mine"

Enough is enough
I won't waste my time acting so tough
I don't want to cry myself to sleep
Oh, how hard I try for you not to hear me weep

My eyes are tired
My ears are ringing
My arms are bruised
My feet are numbed
And I am over you.

Night
Eyes are bright
The mind is open, awake, thinking
Thinking of words unspoken

Thoughts flow in and out of my mind
Your embrace, my body aches to feel your warm embrace
Your hands, rough as it may feel my hands long for your hands
Hold me, mold me...
These are the thoughts that flow in and out of my mind

Now I fall into a sleep like trance
Floating around as we dance
This may be our first and last goodbye
But how will we know when all of these are just up in my mind

Night
Eyes are bright
The mind is thinking of words unspoken

In a sea of emotions desperately clinging onto a life saver that never clung to me
i am sadden by these unfortunate events
i never expected our love to die so quickly and so cruel
all the time and effort have been thrown out to the sea

i have never imagined this ending
i have never imagined you cheating
i have never imagined myself this hurt
i have never imagined...

i am lost again.
i lost myself in the process of loving and trying to understand you
i allowed that to happen
why did i allow that to happen?
i don't deserve to be hurt by you
You are nothing
and i am something
You are nothing
and i am something
but You made me feel like nothing
not even an apology slipped out your mouth
not even an exert of effort to fix this
i feel all kinds of things now
pain, disgust, anger...
i can only blame You
i blame You for making this heart hard again
You broke me so much that i can never more broken
You broke me so much that i feel so small.

She told me to write a poem about her
But how can you write and define someone so exquisite.
Do you start with her curls that often cover her muse like face,
Or with those big brown eyes of hers; how I love when the sun's rays fall on them for they show a glimpse of her marvelous and ever so kind soul,
Or my fondest memory of her mouth; whenever she would open them and serenade me with her angelic voice
Until now I wonder why all those boys always leave a frown on her cherry wine lips ,
Or how I will miss her laughter, her giggles, and her snorts that just fill the place with happiness...

How do I start?

Forgive me, dear
For I have used words that underestimated your being.

Why do you feel all alone when you know you have someone to lean on? Why do you still force yourself onto something or someone who doesn’t want you when you know what you’re worth?
Why do you still sing when you know no one wants to hear?
Why do you laugh when you know deep inside you feel like trash?
Why do you still bother when it’s just another sick love letter?

Your pain is never in vain
For it gives inspiration to write.
You are not alone in this fight.
Please keep expressing,
You make this world less depressing.
Intoxicate me with your words,
Engulf me with your over flowing feelings.
Yes, I like drowning,
Drowning in your poetry.

8 months Ago:

I stop my music to write something for you
For you, who takes away the blues
I recall that afternoon
My eyes were hooked on you
My hands traced your lovely face
In my mind how I wish they would always stay
Every touch meant I love you
From your hair down to your chin
You are perfect to me
At that moment, when your eyes were closed,
when you were sleeping soundly,
when you were in my arms,
I was certain that there was an angel right next to me.

8 Months Later:

I do not know how you could fall in love with someone in such a short period of time, but I swear I did.
I don't know how to explain it, there was something about you that was  so intriguing ; fascinating.
Even up till now, I miss.
They told my I should not, but I just cannot help myself.


Us, no longer exists.
But always know this,
I loved you true,
And I miss you still.

I wish all our moments were on video tape, that way I could pause, rewind, forward, and play US over and over again.