The barbie doll lost her hands
They were cut off by society's demands
Starting from the fingers, they were easiest
A waist larger then a twig just wouldn't fit
So chop, chop, chop went the first finger along with her meals
Touching limbs, no thigh gap
Another ******* thrown up in the toilet at 2am
Painted her face too much, too little
Chop, chop, chop goes two more
Another budget spent on fixing her hair
Ripped out another finger in an anxiety attack
Pressure, pressure to give in
She gives him her body and he takes two more fingers
Hunger pains, you still can't see her hips
She swallows the finale ******* along with cotton
He takes her palms with him as she leaves
All she has is a broken body and empty limbs
A perfect doll

im laying on your bed, still wearing your used sweater
singing songs again and loving my life like I did before I met you

the storm was over and I could go back to that one place I loved most
the ocean was waiting for me, I could feel the wind in my face

my hair never grow long again and my legs never got skinny
and I was okay with that, I was okay with myself, everything was okay

the drugs did its job last night, you kissed me on the dance floor
and you always thought my jokes were serious and you always loved me

the alcohol did its job last night, you walked me home after all
and you always smiled at me and you always loved me for who I was

but still one day you stopped sending me flowers, you needed space
either you want me or you don't, I need to know about our future

I can't read you like I can read the stars in the sky, the rain, the sun
my heart knows when I should walk away, that moment is now.

Im done feeling like a stranger to myself.

I can drown myself in new music and relive my memories
sometimes I write a lot and sometimes I need to get away

you thought you got away with ****** but everything was on tape
it was like painting numbers on a white pale wall, something clean

humans don't go look for danger, danger will find them where needed
you never waited for me to get my **** together, you said you hated me

it were the bad things I only could remember about you, all the bad

and all the lonely boys fell for the girl who was now a thing called pretty
and all the popular boys didn't fell for the same girl back in those days

Mondays always came with rain and Friday always left with a smile
the moments you lived for were minimal, it were only the weekends

I remember how lonely you felt, missing the people around you
the voices in your head became your new home, they were your friends
sometimes they come back, just to say a simple hello...

it was all about living for someone that never take a breath for you.

Addiction is
My something bitter
My something sweet

An unholy nightmare
I partly love
But mostly hate

My happiness ripped away
Like cement from a building
I cannot move
For inside out
I am crumbling

All around me my house is collapsing
As I find myself wide open
Standing in the rain
Which keeps falling
Just need a little more numbing

As I am bound to my body
Like an Egyptian mummy
A fight I can not win

Give me another
Another drink
Another pill
Another line

I am not sure
If I can even tell
The difference anymore

A vacuum under my feet
Where floor boards
Once met
My self esteem gone

A diminishing will that
Once stood like a mountain
Is now just empty Canyon

I am Sledging in the snow
Sliding down a mountain
But some how all
My joy has gone

My desire dissolving
Into a glass as
My heart has given in
As I fall into a drain  

Humiliated I feel
As I escape into another pill
As I am truly conquered
But not by a great army
Just my weak will

Slipping to my death
In quicksand I am sinking
And all I think is
Is Spar Open

Skidding on black ice
I can see I am about to crash
But I can not even flinch
Just have another drink

As I take another dive
If only there was
Something inside of me
That could say
Lets stay a Live

Then maybe I could pull
Myself
Out of this

My unholy nightmare
I partly love
But mostly hate

My something bitter
My something sweet
But mostly I hate

In high school I was invisible to you
I was the girl you laughed at with your friends
Every time I saw you in the hallways
the hair on my hand would stand
I was self conscious and insecure
because of the mean things you said to me
Now a couple years later
you find me on Facebook and now I'm suddenly pretty
You send me a friend request  out of the blue
with a message reading "hey"
You're on your computer hoping I respond
and here I am feeling like that high school girl
you wished would go away
Knowing this I message you back
asking if you remember me
You type back "no" so I thought I would take the time
to refresh your memory
I send you a photo of myself from high school
my computer doesn't make noise for an hour
After fifteen minutes of waiting
I log off and go take a shower
When I come back and log back on
there is a notification from you
It's a message with the subject "I'm An Idiot"
and I read what you had to say

"I do remember who you are
you are the girl I used to pick on
I made school unbearable for you
I know what I did was wrong
I thought I was someone cool
because I fit in with the cool kids
I had no knowledge of the damage I caused you
I was nothing but a complete *******
I am really sorry for how I treated you
I'm not just saying this to get into your pants
I would really like to get to know you
if not romantically then just as friends
You are really a beautiful woman
I'm ashamed I didn't see that before
I would completely understand
if you don't want me to message you anymore
Please forgive me for my actions
I hope life is treating you well
I am truly sorry
for making your high school experience hell."

I sit in silence for a little bit
going over what I just read
I close my eyes and hold back tears
as I go over everything he just said
I've forgiven this man a long time ago
thinking this day would never happen
Despite the way he used to act
I did have a bit of a crush on him
After thinking of what to write back
I reply

"Yes I forgive ya
but if you really want to make it up to me
you're going to have to buy me pizza."

everyone was in love with when you didn't even love yourself

cause you are now eighteen and drink a little less than you did before
everything what once happened in your life still ***** you up every day
but you found other ways too deal with it, you found the peace within

cause you are now eighteen and still sleep with stuffed animals in bed
and sometimes the scars on your arms take you back into the past..
you can see yourself laying on the ground again, bruised and broken..

growing older was like looking in the mirror but than looking deeper
your hair went from blonde to black, your freckles were fading..
but you still looked beautiful, she always looked wonderful, dramatic

she always was the laugh of the party, she was crazy, she was fearless
and all that you could see of her was only the half of what she really was

when it was cold outside no angel was going to spread his wings
in darkness it was just you and me and no one who would save us
I missed the little talks we always had on our way home, back to you

everyone was in love with her and she was the only one who didn't see it.