i'm dreadfully inclined
to run my fingers through your hair
and know what it's like
in your arms

but i don't want you to think
that i love you

i've never told you before
but i caught a glimpse
of your skinny wrists
two years ago

brown lined up so neatly against beige
i couldn't help but stare
and trace over the fresh red blooms
on my own arms

and scowl at the thought
that someone as beautiful as you
could be as damaged
as someone as disgusting as me

if i had feeling
i'd think twice
before deciding to slice
so deeply
than i ever have before
what color is human flesh?
maiden pink? or true red?
maybe I have to rip through
a layer of fat
before I reach
what could be called

me

late at night, you would call me
                from beneath taffeta sheets

cellular glow races through mountain rock
            straight to the heart

i never picked up
you never called again

(i miss your honeyed voice like i would a limb)

i met you;
                a universe,

a galaxy of orange stars
littered on your skin

a nebula
    you were a divination
                    a revelation
i thought you were invincible

         the sun peeks through the waves
and turns you to stardust

strewn upon my red ribbon arms

nothing matters doesn't matter

just drag your brush across the canvas
                                    (violently)
don't put any feeling into it. you are
an animal

incapable of reason

rip thru crepe skin
   fix your eyes on the gashes

and watch blood drain out

lay down
on ****** shores

(fire tides at your heels)

incandescent skies
     raining down on phosphorus sand

think nothing
and just burn