and so i painted with cheap alcohol hoping it would turn my art into a drunken dance of emotions

hi he hypothesised
hiding his heart
holding onto hope

lust lingered on his lips
lather lying on his legs
lulling his lungs lightly

tears trickle trails
tolerating treason
to my tongue

unfortunate
uttering useless unapologetic
unexcused excuses

and I didn't want to
fall for you
because falling only leads to
scraped knees and
****** bandages

but I enjoyed the beautiful
sunrises that appeared on my
legs and hands
and I kept begging for more
forbidden pain until I was
numb to you

but the amount of scars left on my
canvas of a body today couldn't
add up to the regret I
felt for not having
fallen
hard
enough.

I’ve drank ***** that tasted 
better

than your biter heart

and smoked cigarettes that

smelled sweeter 
than your gut wrenching pride,

glided razors across my body

that are softer than your 
words

and swallowed pills that numb

me
more than this heartbreak.

I let myself fall
I let myself be liked
I let the birds chirp their song of freedom
I let my book drop to the floor
I let the window be my soldier
I let flowers tickle the bees
I let myself stand up
I let the bathtub flood my apartment
I let you think I was a tooth fairy
I let coffee drip down your face into your mouth
I let the ocean turn black
I let the air vessel float with its mighty wings
I let losing be the new winning
I let good poems die for the sake of narwhals
I let her into my kitchen
I let her eat the food in front of her without a spoon
I let the fork in its cave with its many twins
I let the bubbles in their bottles as I sipped from their mouth
I let the dress float through the ground level liquid
I let myself believe your truth
I let myself walk on
I let me be folly.

After Matthew Dickman's *24 Hours