Don't look at me, darling
You broke your own heart
Thought you were winning
Thought you'd play smart

One day you'll realize
What you turned your back on
Don't search for my doe eyes
I will be long gone

Away.
You are so away.
The very word that comes into my mind when I think of you—
when I think of us.
For years now,
we have been thousands of miles away from each other’s arms.
We have been used to it.
This distance never came nearer.
Even becoming farther as time pass,
with us,
treading on different directions.
You are sure and happy that you are there;
I am sure and happy that I am here.
And so we stayed,
wherever we are.
Nobody wants to give up.
Nobody wants to pull the other one
to his or her side of the world.
We both wanted to stay,
from where we are—
away.

come on, lie to me
          make it easy, let me believe

give me a world
     when're you and i
          could exist outside
              these sheets


                                                                                     let me convince
                                                                                     myself that you
                                                                                     could ever lose me

i don't know
what's more tragic

that i keep looking for you
wherever i go

or that you're never there

i was your ***** and you were my cigarettes

i was your poison and you were my addiction

we we were both each other's greatest regrets

together we sparked but not without creating

friction

here i've prepared a couple of jokes
why did the girl cross the road?
because she thought she was being followed home by the boy who threatened her that he would hang her and so she ran five blocks to get away from him
ok here's a better one
why didn't the girl go to the party?
because she was told she was worthless seven times that day and that everyone is secretly laughing at her
here's my last one
what did the cruel middle school boys do when they got bored?
spit on me, push me around, threaten me, spread rumours about me, and more!
wait why aren't you guys laughing?
see, i didn't think that was that funny but then
when i begged for help
they asked if maybe the people who  did that stuff to me were just joking
apparently they were just kidding so they shouldn't be punished
boys will be boys right?
i was probably just too sensitive, too thin skinned to understand their humour,
maybe you guys are too
or maybe i said something that made them say that?
but that makes no sense...
how would you provoke a joke to be told?
oh i know
it wasn't a joke
that's why you're not laughing right?
see daily death threats really don't get five star reviews in the comedy clubs
and i don't think there's been any skits on snl about being spit on because people thought you were garbage
so why did all the adults assume that the boys weren't to blame because they were just messing around?
messing around implies there's a mess and when there's a mess you clean it up but it's hard to clean up a mess that everyone thinks you made up
and I don't think clorox is going to wipe up the feeling that all of the people i trusted the most thought i deserved to be bullied
so i guess what i'm trying to say
is that people shouldn't have to walk through the hallways everyday  knowing that in a few short hours, the boy in their p.e class will tell them that they shouldn't be alive
and when they tell five separate teachers
the teachers will all ask
are you sure they weren't joking
are you sure you didn't deserve it
i'm pretty sure that when he pushed me to the ground i didn't break out laughing afterwards
and their laughter wasn't contagious when they made fun of how i looked
their stand up comedy made me back down
sometimes i hear people say
oh bullying is stupid, how could it actually you
why wouldn't they just tell someone
and here's my answer
have you ever shouted so loud that you lost your voice?
probably shouldn't do that again right
well I screamed so loud that when i lost my voice I never really got it back
it's because you want to learn from your mistakes
learn that when people say that you can always tell someone, you should keep in mind that "always"  is apparently conditional
don't assume that if you were in their shoes you would just tell someone
and everything would be fixed
some situations can't be fixed with a talk to an adult you trust
some situations you actually did nothing to deserve it
some people make the messes and some people can never clean them up
some jokes aren't funny
some jokes aren't jokes
I don't want any more back down comedy
this is my stand up piece but only this time I don't care who's laughing

after everything you've done
this is what i'm grateful for
this is my silver lining
or blue lines in a notebook
you are the reason i first put pencil to paper and i'd like to say that i hate you for firmly making me grab the eraser
you make me write symphonies in my head
but sometimes i want to rip them to shreds
when I see you in the audience, the put in my stomach grows
as you listen and you know
but it's not about you
it's about me
because this is the only way that I feel free
and it's scary
because i also love you
for destroying me
and leaving me with a jar of ink
this is my form of expression
to escape from this feeling of depression
i put down every single thought
and i find that you appear a lot
so i transform you into words
and butterflies and chirping birds
and nightmares and the single cloud always hanging over my head
that is you
and when people say
"oh it's creepy that she writes about him"
i think it's only fair
you completely shattered me
and the least i should be able to do is write some poetry
because it's the only time that i can breathe
and maybe all these feelings will leave
and i know that they often grow
but when i transform you on paper
that's when i know
that it's okay to feel this way
i'll hate you and love you
and the only reason for either one
is because you gave me this gift
and sometimes try to take it and run
so i guess what i'm trying to say is that writing about you comes easy
even though getting over this was not
you were not what you seemed
and i hate and love it at the same time
for example, this poem wasn't meant to rhyme
but then all of my thoughts combined and there you were
so yes i write about you
and you can tell all your friends too
this wasn't meant to glorify
it was just trying to simplify
the equation of me
and to do that
i'll use poetry
so i'd like to thank you
for introducing me to me

11:11
i showed it to you
you made a wish and i did too
my wish was for you and yours was for me
oh look how happy we seem
11:11
i cried because you weren't there
my wish was for you, you didn't care
it meant nothing to you but something to me
oh look how wrong i could be
11:11
i make my last wish
but don't hope for it to come true
because after months of the same wish,
i still don't see you