I could say that
I was a pebble and you were a boulder
I could say that
I was like a small dwarf planet revolving around my sun
I could say that
I needed you

but I would be lying.
I try to need you
I try to feel the way you feel
I try to remember what it was like to love you
but I cannot.

I could say
“It’s not you, it’s me.”
but that’s cliche and a lie
that would make it worse.
I could say
“It’s not anything you did”
but I’m not sure if that’s a lie

All that I know is true is
you are the last person I want to hurt
but the last person I need

Sorry.

a single note slips out of the chord
as the others cling to safe harmony
she turns the soundwaves to crackling lightning
she becomes the tension of a catastrophic earthquake
she pushes the limits of the dam and threatens to flood
she is dissonance
and she will hold out before her resolution

People say that rhyme about sticks and stones
but don’t dare tell me
that these emotions
that make you feel like you are having open heart surgery and running a marathon at the same time
hurts less than a broken bone.

Sadness leaves scars
whether they are physical or internal.
Grief leaves bruises
the size of your heart
Anxiety leaves you broken
and it takes more than a cast and pain killers to even slightly endure it.

You may think I’m weird
For staring
Staring at the wall
The floor
Or that imaginary spot in the air

But I’m not

I’m watching something
Something so much more


A movie

A string of scenes
Of my life
Of what happened
What I wish happened
What I wish didn’t
What I dream will happen
What’s actually going to happen
What I want
What I need
What I’ll have
And what I won’t have

What I could’ve had
What I let go of
What was taken from me

What I’m left with

Left with nothing
Nothing to go for
Nothing to hold on to

I’m trying so hard
To look for something to grab
A reason to keep me hanging on

Keep me
Or I’ll should leave

i want to get high in foreign cities
travel to places i have yet to lay my eyes on
pack a bag and take off, my only motive to feel free
i want to kiss lovers on pavement my toes have never touched
beneath trees rooted with legends in their leaves
ensuring everlasting love
and i want to feel light, rather than weighed down
anchored to one small town
i want to drop everything and get away
to places where time is altered
and the stars are always present
whether it be in the night sky or people's eyes
i want to fall in love with strangers, cities, and scenes
i crave so deeply to feel free
to start anew

but at the same time
i want you to come too

s.s

Meditations and French Fries

I sit watching you nibble on some Mickey D's fries,
And taking sips of your milkshake,
Your two hands grasping the cup as if to make sure
Nobody could take it while kicking your feet,
That barely touch the floor, and humming.
This makes me love you more than I already do.

Your eyes move up and stare at me and I look at you,
Searchingly, but you cross them,
Making those crazy eyes that make me smile
And then you let your lips curl into a smile matching mine
And show the small fragments of your teeth and you are beautiful.

You are so content with sitting here, with oily salty potato slivers,
With impersonations of milkshakes, and more importantly with me.
I love you, and your tiny teeth, your short legs, your belly.

Everyone says you resemble me, all your ticks, your mood swings
Your ****** expressions, your desire to learn, your sweet tooth.
You are a copy of me, a miniature me, but you are not really me.
You are my brother, my blood but not my copy.
I see the differences between us, the different upbringing, you know what
A childhood means, you know fatherly love, and for this I am thankful,.
I wish you more than me, more knowledge, love, confidence than me.

I wish Mickey D's is better too, and that the economy doesn't go bust
And that you could afford some fries and a milkshake for less than 10 bucks.