If I spoke louder,
Would you listen?
If I raised my voice,
Would you hear?

I know you only yelled
because you wanted to
make it more clear,
because I couldn't understand
that I was only hurting myself.
But please don't be so loud,
It makes you sound like him.

Silence is so ******* loud
And I cannot stand the
oppression of the voices
Screaming in my mind.
At least when there's sound,
I don't have to listen to
My mind criticizing myself.

My heart is pathetic
Why it still beats is a mystery
People don't understand
How much I hate myself
Or the way the thought of cutting my throat brings joy to me
I wish today was my last day
Oxygen is the enemy
Death is the beginning
I don't wanna go to heaven
Allow me to say hello to hell
So then I won't have to hurt myself
The demons with in me will burn me
Pain forever taking me
Soul painted black
My heart is pathetic

My hands are getting shaky
My heart is beating fast
I really just want out of here
How long will this last

I hear some people laughing 
I bet it's right at me
I tried to look my very best
Is there something I can't see

My head is getting dizzy
My lip squeezed beneath my teeth
I wish I had my hoodie
Something to hide beneath

I heard somebody say my name
Oh please don't make me talk
Maybe they won't notice me
If away from them I walk

My hands are getting kinda shy
So I pull down my sleeves
My lungs are getting kinda stuffy
I really want to leave

They're looking in my direction
Guys, staring isn't nice
I know I'm not the prettiest
I cried about it last night 

I become a little more frantic 
I can't speak even if I try
I'd do anything to get away
Even if it means I have to die

Dreaming of walking model thin
Unaware she's bones and skin

She lives in a damaged brain
Drowned from her vomiting pain

Her insecurity torn up her mind
Left her bulimic and mentally blind

Always hugging her toilet beside
Half dead from purging her soul inside

Crying because her ugly reflection
She won't give up until she's perfection

I was always called a pig
I was always seen so fat
I was always feeling ugly
I was this and I was that

I was always called chubby
I was always seen strange
I was always throwing up
To hope a sudden change

I was always called a loser
I was always so depressed
I was always starving bad
My thoughts so obsessed

I was always called a baby
I was always called a fake
I was an attention seeker
Family help was a mistake

I was always called skinny
I was always seen so thin
I was called beautiful after
Did I lose?. Or did I win?.

stomach twisted
this is what I do for you
can't eat, can't eat
must look how you want me to

there is pain in beauty
my mother always said
I agree with this acutely
the hurt fades for soon I shall be dead

Eating is hard.
Not eating is hard.
It’s hard to be hungry,
and it’s even harder to be full.
It’s hard to say yes to food,
and to say no.
It’s hard to eat foods you know you shouldn't,
and not eat foods you know you should.
It’s hard to stare down a full plate and think,
“How am I supposed to do this?”
and it’s hard to stare down an empty one thinking,
“What have I done?”
Food is hard to deal with,
once you make it a situation
rather than a necessity.
Breakfast is hard,
lunch is harder,
and dinner is the hardest.
But maybe looking in the mirror is the hardest of all.